It’s interesting how common this experience feels. You find yourself sitting in what appears to be a perfectly acceptable life, checking all the boxes that society tells us matter, yet feeling a persistent whisper that something fundamental is missing. The house is beautiful, the family functions well, the responsibilities are being met, but deep down, there’s an ache that no amount of “shoulds” can quiet.
Lisa Blaisdell found herself in exactly this position at age 54. From the outside, her life looked enviable: a successful business, a 27-year marriage to a good man, two daughters launched into adulthood, and a stunning home in Encinitas, California. Yet she describes herself during this time as being “like a volcano” with emotions “rumbling for a really long time” before she finally exploded with the realization: “I can’t do this anymore. I’m done.”
Her story illuminates a profound truth about human nature—that sometimes the most difficult decisions aren’t about escaping obviously bad situations, but about having the courage to leave behind what’s merely acceptable in pursuit of what might be truly fulfilling. It’s about breaking free from others’ expectations when those expectations have become a cage, even a comfortable one.
This is the story of what happened when one woman decided to put herself first and discovered that sometimes the scariest path forward is also the most necessary one.
The Weight of Looking Perfect
Lisa’s experience reveals how exhausting it can be to maintain a life that meets everyone else’s definition of success while ignoring your own inner compass. She describes taking on a “very masculine energy” in her marriage, becoming the decision-maker, the planner, the one who “ran the show” for decades.
“I’m a go getter. I’m a doer. And I was… I’m a recovering control freak, and I kind of ran the show, and I made very big decisions for us,” Lisa explains. What started as natural leadership gradually morphed into something more problematic: “I picked the house and picked it all. I was tired. I was really tired.”
The burden of over-functioning in relationships often goes unrecognized because it can look like competence and success. Lisa managed the household, made major decisions, and kept the family running smoothly. But this pattern, sustained over decades, created a deep well of resentment and exhaustion that she initially struggled to acknowledge.
Host Amy Stone observes that many people aren’t adequately prepared for “the nuts and bolts of running a house with a partner,” leading to situations where one person gradually takes on more and more responsibility. This dynamic creates what Lisa describes as an “emotional disconnect” that eventually affects every aspect of the relationship.
The Danger of Comfortable Unhappiness
Perhaps the most insidious aspect of Lisa’s situation was how acceptable it all appeared. “I had a good husband. He’s a good man. He’s a good father, He’s a good provider, and he is a good human,” she emphasizes. “So when you’re in that position, you know, there was no abuse. There was no, you know, there was nothing glaring that made my decision easy, and that’s why it was so hard.”
This reality—that some of the most important life changes require us to leave behind relationships and situations that aren’t bad, just insufficient—is one that many people struggle to understand or accept. Lisa spent years pushing down her doubts: “I remember I would just go upstairs at night and take a bath… And I would just try to lose myself, and these thoughts would come up and I’d have to keep them at bay.”
The process of living life on your terms often requires making decisions that others can’t understand because they can only see the surface. Lisa knew that leaving would mean “the deconstructing of so much” and that many people would struggle to comprehend why she would walk away from something that looked so stable and successful.
Amy Stone’s questions reveal the complexity of this dynamic: “When you found yourself in that spot where you were getting ready to say that out loud, like, we didn’t have it. We can’t get it back. When you’re having those thoughts, how did you feel about yourself?” This highlights how difficult it can be to admit that something widely considered “good enough” simply isn’t good enough for you.
The Courage to Disappoint Others
One of the most challenging aspects of reclaiming your time and energy is accepting that your choices will inevitably disappoint people who have invested in the status quo. Lisa was acutely aware of this reality, worrying about the impact on her daughters, her husband, and their social community.
“Nobody’s inside your marriage. Nobody knows really what’s going on,” Lisa points out. “And so I knew that there would be a lot of just confusion and, you know, disapproving.” The fear of judgment from others—especially when your life appears successful from the outside—can be paralyzing.
The reactions Lisa received illustrate common misunderstandings about complex life decisions. People asked if she’d tried counseling (she had, for six years), suggested religious intervention, or shared stories about other couples who had “worked it out.” These responses, while well-intentioned, reflect a discomfort with the idea that sometimes good people make difficult choices not because they haven’t tried hard enough, but because they’ve recognized fundamental incompatibilities.
Lisa describes their community as “Pleasantville” where “everybody looked good and everybody’s kids were doing great things.” In such environments, the pressure to maintain appearances can be overwhelming, making authentic choices feel like betrayals of the collective narrative.
Building a Life Worth Living
The process of transforming your relationships and learning to create a better life requires extraordinary courage, particularly when you’re starting over in midlife. Lisa’s story demonstrates that while the initial disruption can be chaotic and painful, it can also lead to profound personal growth and more authentic connections.
“I just feel like I know myself at a level that I never would have if I had stayed within that relationship, because I had to really just stand on my own two feet for the first time, really, in my life,” Lisa reflects. This self-discovery, while difficult, became the foundation for everything that followed.
The outcome of Lisa’s choice validates the wisdom of trusting your inner voice, even when it leads you away from security. She found love again with someone “so aligned with me,” maintains a civil relationship with her ex-husband, and has built a business helping other women navigate similar transitions. Most importantly, she models for her daughters what it looks like to prioritize authenticity over appearances.
When Breaking Free Becomes Service to Others
Lisa’s story demonstrates that the courage to build the life you’ve always wanted often serves others as much as yourself. She now coaches women who find themselves in similar situations—married to good people but yearning for something more authentic and fulfilling.
“I help women with this particular niche… I was married to a good human. I made the choice to leave. It wasn’t horrible. Like, no one was hurting me. And there’s so many women like this,” she explains. Her work focuses on helping women move beyond guilt and fear toward clarity and action, recognizing that “so much of this is helping them retrain their brains to get uncomfortable for a season.”
The path Lisa chose wasn’t easy, but it was necessary. Her willingness to disappoint others in service of her own truth created space for everyone in her life to live more authentically. Even her relationship with her ex-husband improved: “I had a vision early on that my now ex husband and I could be at our daughter’s graduations and weddings… and yet we can still, you know, love each other and be kind to each other… And we do, we have that.”
Lisa Blaisdell’s story reminds us that sometimes the most loving thing we can do—for ourselves and others—is to have the courage to disappoint people in service of a deeper truth. Breaking free from others’ expectations isn’t selfish; it’s necessary for authentic living and genuine connection. Her journey from comfortable unhappiness to intentional authenticity illustrates that the life that looks perfect from the outside might be the very thing preventing us from discovering what’s actually possible. Sometimes the greatest gift we can give ourselves and others is the courage to disappoint them in service of our own truth—and create a life you love in the process.
This article was inspired by a thought-provoking interview with Lisa Blaisdell and Amy Stone on The Art of Imperfect Adulting podcast. To hear more compelling conversations like this one and receive special offers from our guests directly to your inbox, join our email community today.
Interview Transcript Lisa Blaisdell with Amy Stone | The Art of Imperfect Adulting | June 28, 2025
Amy Stone [00:00:04]:
Lisa Blazdell. Welcome to the art of imperfect adulting. Are you ready for a chat?
Lisa Blaisdell [00:00:09]:
I am ready, Amy. Thank you so much.
Amy Stone [00:00:12]:
I’m happy you’re here. I’m ready for this, too. Okay, so I start almost every interview asking my guests where they call home. So where is it that you live? On our big blue marble right now.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:00:24]:
And happily, I am in a beach town in north San Diego county named Encinitas, California.
Amy Stone [00:00:32]:
I love it, I love it, I love it. All right, that’s great. So next question. Before we hit the the topic of the day, share with me in the audience. Just to get to know you a little bit better, something about you. A hobby, a pastime, a passion project that isn’t family and isn’t work.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:00:49]:
I love to walk in nature.
Amy Stone [00:00:53]:
Oh, very nice. So do you walk on the beach, then, or is that the nature beach?
Lisa Blaisdell [00:00:57]:
Yep. Yeah, lots of nature trails, lots of hiking. Really? I just love to be outdoors and love to be in this beautiful planet of ours.
Amy Stone [00:01:06]:
Very cool. Well, you’re in. You’re in one of the most beautiful places, like, year round, great weather, all those things.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:01:13]:
Very nice.
Amy Stone [00:01:14]:
Very, very nice. All right, so topic of the day. You proposed starting over divorce at age 54. Are you ready to share that story?
Lisa Blaisdell [00:01:23]:
Sure. Absolutely. It. There was a precursor, and I may have to move myself in a second. There’s a precursor to my divorce, and that was that I first walked away from a business that I built from scratch. I had partnered with a health and wellness company in the early 2000s, and I walked away from that company after 17 years and walked away from a very strong six figure income, relationships, friendships where I was loved, I was popular, I was accepted, and I had. And I walked away. Made a decision in the middle of COVID It was a hard decision. It was at the time, the hardest decision that I had made as an adult. And that change, that, putting down the people, pleasing, dealing with the aftermath of that, a lot of people were not happy with that decision of mine. That was the catalyst for me to really be honest with myself. And that’s what I think this process requires. When you’re in the driver’s seat the way that I was, and to have the honest conversation that I was not happy. Covid forced us all to take a look at things.
Amy Stone [00:02:31]:
Sure.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:02:32]:
And, you know, I was building a new business, and my husband at the time was, you know, engaging in behaviors that were not aligned with where I wanted to go in this next chapter of mine. And you, you know, we had had a beautiful Life, a beautiful family. You know, we raised two daughters together. We, you know, on the outside looked picture perfect. And we, we were a great family, and we are a great family. And yet when I was looking ahead to this next chapter, you know, my youngest had gone away to college, and, you know, my oldest was finding her footing and figuring out what she was going to do. I mean, I had to ask myself the question, is this the right place for me to be in this next chapter of my life? And, you know, I knew deep down what the answer was. And yet, really, being honest with myself was the hardest part, because once that honest conversation goes on within yourself, I’m an action taker. Was like, I couldn’t just live with this truth, you know, and. And I had to be true to myself. And that’s not always easy for women to do because we’re raised to make others happy and to live these roles and to accept things for what they are. And I had a good husband. He’s a good man. He’s a good father, He’s a good provider, and he is a good human. He is a good human. So when you’re in that position, you know, there was no abuse. There was no, you know, there was nothing glaring that made my decision easy, and that’s why it was so hard. And I knew a lot of people would be upset about it, so I had to wrestle with all of that. But I also knew that in addition to my own happiness, I knew he wasn’t happy. Even though he wasn’t willing to admit it, he wasn’t happy. And my daughters were watching me show up. Not in, not. Not at my best self. And they were watching what they thought was a normal, healthy relationship.
Amy Stone [00:04:41]:
Right. You know, the example. I’m going to interrupt because I’m going to back it up a little bit. Yeah, I’m gonna back it up. You have obviously told this story so many times that you, like, just, you just gave like a master class in like what was probably a several year process. But I’m going to back it way up and walk you through it, because people will be listening to this who are in all different stages of their relationship. And one of the things or whatever’s going on in their life, One of the things that I like to do when I talk to people about a relationship end is I like to back them up and talk about the beginning of the story. Right? Because when we only talk about the end, that’s just a piece of the story. It’s hard for people to. We were just looking At a snapshot, which is one of the challenges of divorce. It’s a snapshot of a day of where it is. Right? Yes. So how old were you guys when you guys met and when. And when you got married? And maybe do you, like, remember something about the beginning of the relationship to share with us?
Lisa Blaisdell [00:05:34]:
Sure. I mean, I was 23 when I met him. I had just moved to Southern California. I was pretty much on my own, and I’m from the east coast originally, and he was 30. He was.
Amy Stone [00:05:47]:
He was a little bit of an age gap.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:05:50]:
Little bit. He was very ready to settle down. He had really, you know, sod his oats and got everything out of his system. And I don’t know if I quite had yet, but, you know, the timing was okay. And I was resistant initially. Just there was some, you know, couple of things that I saw that didn’t really quite match up. But he’s a good human and a good person and treated me well and, you know, was very comfortable in the friendship that we were building, and I felt okay enough to. To take steps forward. And I also felt the pressure that. All right, well, you know, I’m 25. You know, I was. I think I was almost 24 when I met him, and I was like, well, I’m 24. I’m 25. Probably time. You know, there really wasn’t anything else going on that was really pulling on me. I was very focused on my career and building a career. And, you know, we shared values. We were from similar backgrounds and had a good work ethic. And there were some things that, you know, I kind of questioned, but it wasn’t enough for me to. To walk away. And was it.
Amy Stone [00:07:10]:
Was there passion? Was there like a. Like a strong.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:07:14]:
Not particularly. Like, not what I know to be passion now, but I mean, enough, you know, And I just think that I didn’t know myself certainly the way I know myself now, but. But I knew what I was doing. At the same time, I wasn’t making a major mistake. There wasn’t, like, red flags screaming at me at all. There was a little bit here and there that I was like, well, well, we’ll work on that. You know, I was still very young and thought, oh, I’ll fix that. You know.
Amy Stone [00:07:46]:
Right. You know, 25. Well, I tell a similar story about the beginning of my relationship. And I am. I have actually. I’m still married, but I tell people. I’m like, I proceeded into this situation with the confidence that you can only have at 25 years old. It’s Like, I’m nice. They’re nice. This is great. What could go wrong? So I. When I ask that question, I say it with zero judgment because it’s an unfair question to ask people about. Would they make a different decision if they were to go back in time because you didn’t know what you know now, and you can’t. Right?
Lisa Blaisdell [00:08:18]:
That’s exactly right.
Amy Stone [00:08:19]:
So you met when you were, like, 23, 24. You get married, you build a life together. You have a family of two daughters. Two daughters. And you stay married for the. Until they’re adults. Yeah, until they’re adults. All right, so. And so. And you. Would you say that this is a traditional relationship in the terms of, like, when you guys were married, everything, like finances and everything, like, that was all mixed together. Like, when you were getting divorced, it was a full separation because, you know, it’s. There’s a. It’s hard. It’s. It’s a lot. We call it enmeshed. You’re like, totally.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:08:56]:
Oh, yeah.
Amy Stone [00:08:56]:
With each other.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:08:57]:
Oh, yeah.
Amy Stone [00:08:57]:
There’s layers and layers, layers and layers. So how long. How many years were you guys married when you.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:09:03]:
27.
Amy Stone [00:09:04]:
27 years. All right, that’s 27 bazillion layers of entanglement. All right, so I think you said earlier that you were in the driver’s seat, and so I think you mean that you were the one who said, I think we should talk about splitting this up. And so. And you talked a little bit about your motivation in what is maybe the kindest description of a divorce that I have heard lately? People don’t get divorced because things are going really, really well. That’s just not why they do it. So what were your. So you were not happy. Can you give us a little bit more of what was going on in your mind that was creating this divide that was big enough that you were willing to say, I’m willing to go through the work to pull apart all of these layers of entanglement?
Lisa Blaisdell [00:09:59]:
Well, to make it about me and not put blame. I.
Amy Stone [00:10:03]:
Right, good point.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:10:04]:
Yeah. I took on a lot. I really was living this marriage in a very masculine energy kind of a place. I’m a go getter. I’m a doer. And I was. I’m a recovering control freak, and I kind of ran the show, and I made very big decisions for us and, you know, really led our family, if I’m being completely honest. And after, you know, decades or so of doing that and navigating decisions around our kids and education and what I felt was Best for them. And, you know, it wasn’t like he didn’t have any voice, but I think we. We built up this pattern over time. And it was like, you know, I was going to kind of call the shots, and. And I chose a partner that would be okay with that for a reason. Right. Like, subconsciously, I didn’t pick someone that was going to fight me on things. And so over the decades of me running the show and calling the shots and being the one that does pretty much everything from planning vacations to remodeling the house to, you know, running around the kids, picking the dog, I picked the house and picked it all. I was tired. I was really tired. And, you know, again, not to. To put blame, but I. I did build up a very significant amount of resentment. And, you know, that’s a kind of natural byproduct of me. People pleasing and not being as aware of the patterns that I created and just really being tired of.
Amy Stone [00:11:42]:
Yeah.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:11:44]:
And being in a new phase of my life and wanting things to be different and wanting to be cared for in a way that it wasn’t possible because it was a muscle that had never been built inside of our relationship.
Amy Stone [00:11:59]:
All right, so let me give you some words and see if this matches up to what you are experiencing. Domestic workload. So division of domestic workload inside the house. You were calling shots inside the house. Anything that was happening. Kids schedule, navigating their schools, that kind of thing.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:12:16]:
Yeah. And he did physical stuff, like.
Amy Stone [00:12:18]:
Sure.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:12:19]:
Drove kids, was an active father for sure. So it wasn’t like he was a deadbeat on the couch. And that’s where I think a lot of the communication breakdown happened is because he felt that he was doing what he was supposed to be doing, but he wasn’t seeing the. Let the layers, the emotional.
Amy Stone [00:12:35]:
Emotional upload. And emotional.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:12:38]:
It was the emotional support that I needed. And by the time I had the skillset to communicate those needs, it was too late because the disconnect had just gotten too big.
Amy Stone [00:12:50]:
All right, so that. So I’m gonna come back to that in a second. This is a really, really common occurrence in relationships. And to be honest. So you don’t. I don’t know if you know this about me, so I do mentoring and coaching for stepparents. Cause I was a stepparent before I was a parent.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:13:06]:
I was raised by a stepparent. I love that you do that.
Amy Stone [00:13:08]:
Oh, thank you. It’s a. And along the way, one of the things I did is I picked up a family mediator skill set so that I knew what that was about. I’m going to offer. After having a bazillion of these conversations with people, I don’t think we particularly do a great job of training our kids in getting ready for the nuts and bolts of running a house with a partner. And some people really do learn it from their homes. Right. So I will never forget, like, so I have a relative who’s from a very big family, and we’re standing in their kitchen and looking at how organized they were for, like, meal planning. I was like, oh, my gosh, where did you learn how to do this? And she’s like, this is the way my mom did it. And I was like, oh, well, there you go. But for most of us, we weren’t paying any attention to what our parents were doing, and so we don’t know. And then it’s. I think many, many people end up in that experience where, like, I don’t know if it’s supposed to be this hard, and I don’t know any other way to do it. And you definitely learning while you fly the plane. Like, you are flying the plane and building it at the same time.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:14:21]:
Yes.
Amy Stone [00:14:22]:
And so, you know, everybody’s scrambling because family life is messy.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:14:27]:
Yes.
Amy Stone [00:14:27]:
Family life is messy, you know, Absolutely. Right. Like, I mean, you know, and it’s. And you. You don’t have any time to be like, you know, hurry, catch up. So how did you. So you were living this experience where you had growing resentment, and you felt like you were working a lot and not being rewarded enough for it. It sounds like also there was a shift or an inequality in the sort of desire, romance, passion part of your marriage that you were maybe not feeling totally fulfilled. I mean, and I think that’s a.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:15:00]:
Byproduct of the emotional disconnect, is that you just truly disconnect in all ways. And, you know, we, like many families, put the emphasis on kids and our work and just the constructs of, you know, getting these kids launched and doing the best we can. And. And I ran a business all those years, and he had a big corporate job and traveled, and, you know, it was just. And this is. I mean, I know, you know, this. This common, like, you just forget each other, and you forget. And we didn’t ever really have something that was so incredible and so special and so dynamic that we could get back there, because it was just. It was good enough. It was fine, but it wasn’t enough for us to go back and say, we got to go get back what we had, because it was so amazing. We. We didn’t really ever have that. And that’s okay, too.
Amy Stone [00:16:03]:
When you found yourself in that spot where you were getting ready to say that out loud, like, we didn’t have it. We can’t get it back. When you’re having those thoughts, how did you feel like about yourself?
Lisa Blaisdell [00:16:14]:
Well, I was in a big stage of denial for a while because I really didn’t want to admit that I had gotten to this place because it would mean the deconstructing of so much. And, you know, like many families, we had layers and layers and layers of community and family and relationships and kids. And it just felt too much for me. For a long time, I mean, probably 10 years, I sat with okay thoughts that I would constantly try to push down. I remember I would just go upstairs at night and take a bath. We had a really beautiful, you know, whirlpool tub. And I would just try to lose myself, and these thoughts would come up and I’d. I’d have to keep them at bay. And I. I did that for a while. I’m pretty strong when I need to be, but. And I. I share my story very honestly because this is why I love to help women. Before it gets to this point, I mean, it got to a point where there was no conversation, there was no planning of. You know, here’s what I’m feeling. I mean, I had tried, but it really wasn’t very well received. And there was a real resistance and element of denial, which is also very common in the work that I do now. The men are just like. They are, like, completely clueless, which is part of the problem, by the way, that when it really just came down to it, I tell the story I was like a volcano. And it was just all this inside, and it was just rumbling for a really long time. And then it just. I exploded. I exploded.
Amy Stone [00:17:53]:
So you talked a little bit about this. I’m going to. I’m going to ask. I’m going to have you tell the story of the explosion in a second. But what were your. When you were going through these thoughts and you were having doubts and you were pushing them down for years, you were in denial, as you say. What were the fears and what were the obstacles that you can see now? I expect. I don’t expect that you saw them as fears and obstacles necessarily then, although maybe. But what were the things that. That were the. At the time, they would have been. This is not, you know, this is not the time for. This is not something I can do, because right.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:18:25]:
First of all my. My girls and where they were at with their lives. And, you know, they had their own challenges that they were navigating and, you know, how. How will they be if any of this were to happen? Which, you know, they’re always my priority and, you know, quite frankly, how’s my husband going to be? I didn’t feel that he had the skill set or the, you know, just the strength to. To navigate this. And. And for a while, he didn’t. And he has experienced a lot of loss in his family. And during that season, he lost his older brother. He had already lost both of his parents. So I was really just feeling a lot of guilt around that and just also responsibility. Yeah. And also having another loss for him and just, you know, things like my parents and my siblings and. Which they. None of them live near me. But. So there was an element of confusion because nobody saw what was happening inside of her home. Nobody. And I say this to women all the time. Nobody’s inside your marriage. Nobody knows really what’s going on. And so I knew that there would be a lot of just confusion and, you know, disapproving, which, you know, I didn’t.
Amy Stone [00:19:36]:
And did that happen? Did you. Did you get.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:19:39]:
There was confusion, for sure, and I think there was some sadness. But, I mean, I really am so thankful. I have wonderful parents and, you know, they had to navigate it. You know, I. I know that they probably wished it wasn’t happening at the time, but they accepted it. And, you know, there’s a lot of divorce in my family, and so this was not new. This was not new territory. We’re not particularly religious, so I didn’t have to deal with any of that, thankfully. But, you know, friends, community, you know, so I. Yeah, I thought about all that. And, you know, I love my home. And that’s a big part of my story, too.
Amy Stone [00:20:15]:
Yeah. Attachment to the house.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:20:17]:
Yeah. I did not want to leave my home. Really thought that was going to go a different way than it did. And.
Amy Stone [00:20:23]:
Yeah, it’s one of the. It’s one. I’m not. I don’t. Yeah, I don’t do. I do. I use my mediation stuff just to help families. I don’t do divorce mediation, but it is one of the things that I read about all the time that people say, you know, they advise. They’re like, it can. It can become an obstacle to be fixated on staying in the house for sure. And so would you say. I was listening to you describe those things and you were talking about the kids. Would you Say, there is a phrase when we talk about, you know, marriages and things like that, which is staying together for the children. Would you say that that was a piece of what you were doing?
Lisa Blaisdell [00:20:53]:
Sure.
Amy Stone [00:20:54]:
Yeah.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:20:54]:
Because, you know, why disrupt their life?
Amy Stone [00:20:57]:
Right.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:20:58]:
And they were kind of used to us the way we were.
Amy Stone [00:21:00]:
Yeah. And it is disruptive. Divorce is not. Not an easy peasy process. It is. It is disruptive. Okay. So I’m going to ask you. All right. So you can share with. So you get to the point where you explode. I have, like, a mental vision of. I have this mental vision of somebody saying something to you, like, pass the salt. And you just explode in, like, the kitchen. But, like, what. What sort of happened? Like, like, how did it. How did it. How did it happen?
Lisa Blaisdell [00:21:29]:
So, because I was in a state. I was running a business. I was.
Amy Stone [00:21:34]:
Yeah. There was a lot of change happening in your life.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:21:36]:
A lot of change. I was building a business. I was also doing another side business where I was, like, teaching people how to make video. So I was busy doing that. We started remodeling our house in 2020 in the middle of COVID So it was a very long, drawn out process because obviously, you know, things were slow. Still doing that in early 2021. And it had gotten to the point, Amy, where I was like, let’s just redo the whole floors. And, like, without even telling him, I, like, completely had this whole plan of our floors getting redone, which means you’re moving out. I moved out.
Amy Stone [00:22:17]:
Yeah. You cannot. That’s the thing about doing the floor is everything comes out of the house.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:22:22]:
Yeah.
Amy Stone [00:22:22]:
I only did it one time.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:22:23]:
I went to Airbnb. It was this little Airbnb down the street. I took our dog, and I was so happy. And I was like, oh, I love this. You know, he was like, I’m not coming here. I need to stay home with the contractors. I was like, good. And so we. He had, like, kind of had it too. I mean, I was really being ridiculous and, you know, just sort of ordering these contractors around, and we just weren’t on the same page. And he was getting upset, and rightfully so. I was spending all this money and, you know, it was really. Honestly, I was quite reckless for. For, you know, being as solid as I can be. I was quite reckless. And, you know, we just. We just kind of got into it. And then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, I was like, I. I’m done. Like, I can’t do this anymore. I’m done. And I don’t really think he knew what that meant because I didn’t know what it meant. Neither one of us knew what it meant. And I went for a drive and I went to the beach and I thought, I, I actually really think I’m done. And I was leaving for a trip from Miami and I was going to be gone for like six days. And I said, when I get back, I want you to be gone. Like, I just, like I’m, I’m ready to separate. And he just did not know what to do with that. And so he, for the first time in our 30 year relationship, he said, no. He said, no, I’m not doing that.
Amy Stone [00:23:44]:
I always love it in TV and movies when people have a fight and one person’s like, you need to leave. And then the other person does leave. Because in real life, real life, when you get into a fight and you’re like, you need to leave some of the time, that person’s like, no. And then you’re like, what? Okay, well, now what?
Lisa Blaisdell [00:24:03]:
Right?
Amy Stone [00:24:03]:
I have to like, okay, so.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:24:04]:
Right, right.
Amy Stone [00:24:06]:
So real life is not always like tv. So, all right, so I live in Miami. So you flew. You, like, you came and hung out on the, the, the beaches in south beach and you.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:24:16]:
South Beach. I was at a conference. I was with my colleagues. I was with my very dear friend, who’s still a dear friend. She was the only one who knew what was going on. Nobody knew what was going on. And, you know, my daughter was texting me. She’s like, dad’s moving furniture. What’s going on with you two? You know, it was a really stressful week. I got violently ill. I got some kind of a stomach thing because I was under so much stress.
Amy Stone [00:24:40]:
So much stress. Yeah.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:24:41]:
Yeah. And it was, it was, it was a very scary time. I didn’t know what I was going to fly home to. And I flew home to, you know, a spouse that had basically moved to the downstairs part of our house, into the guest room, moved everything, involved neighbors. So now people knew. So I was starting to get texts like, what’s going on? And, you know, it was just, it was not handled well.
Amy Stone [00:25:06]:
Well, you say that as if there is some secret, great way to handle this.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:25:10]:
I know. Well, there, there are and there are better ways, but it’s, you know, listen, I don’t make any excuses for it. I wasn’t at my best. And if I could change any part of that process, I would change it. But you can’t. You can’t change the past and you can’t change the, you know, it happened. And then we just kind of came home and settled into a separated state.
Amy Stone [00:25:31]:
Okay. And then you. So you settled into a separated state. You’re still under the same roof. It. Divorce is not an instant process. So it took some time. So this is kind of a weird question, but I think what is. Do you have anything. As you went through this process, the long process, Is there anything that anybody said to you that was particularly ridiculous or unhelpful as you were going through this?
Lisa Blaisdell [00:25:56]:
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Amy Stone [00:25:57]:
Like, we could put this under the category of things maybe not to say to your friends when you find out they’re getting a divorce. What’s something crazy that somebody said?
Lisa Blaisdell [00:26:06]:
I mean, a few of them were like, well, you know, have you gone to counseling? Which we had been in counseling for six years, you know, unbeknownst to most people, off and on for six years. And so, yes, we had been working on things. And, you know, some of the real ringers were, you know, have you gone to a Christian counselor? I was like, okay, sure. You know, that whole thing just completely turned me off. Have you gone to church? You know, that whole thing was like, okay, yeah, we’re not praying our way out of this. People.
Amy Stone [00:26:38]:
There are people. I mean, they’re just, listen, I’m not recommending this for anybody, but it is. It is definitely a thing. If. If the. If you. If everybody in the relationship agrees, right, that the covenant of the marriage is that you never leave, then you’re never going to leave. If everybody agrees to follow it, that is the way to do it there. What’s missing in there is be happy about it.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:27:00]:
Right? That’s right.
Amy Stone [00:27:01]:
So, you know, that’s why. You know, that’s why. That’s why one of my jokes is I was like, we don’t need to ask the priest what he thinks about if we should get divorced. We know what he’s going to say. It’s in the book, you know. It’s in the book, right?
Lisa Blaisdell [00:27:13]:
That’s right. Yeah. And some people, you know, well, my parents went through something hard and, like, they worked it out and, well, good for them, you know, and it’s okay. I mean, listen, everyone was uncomfortable, right? Like, you know, this. People get very uncomfortable. And we looked like a really healthy, fully functioning, successful family. And so we kind of shocked our little community. That’s, you know, what my boyfriend calls Pleasantville. I mean, it’s Pleasantville where I. Yeah. My girls. And there’s a lot of Pleasantvilles around this. Around the world. And we lived in one of those communities. And everybody looked good and everybody’s kids were doing great things. And, you know, everybody was just checking all these boxes, and we were like, we’re not doing that. And it was scary for people. I think a lot of couples through those months where they were learning about us, they were supportive, but they were like, oh, God, if that can happen to them, what about us?
Amy Stone [00:28:05]:
Right. It’s the reason it’s scary. It shows a potential. Absolutely.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:28:09]:
Yeah.
Amy Stone [00:28:09]:
Okay. So you go through this, and you. You are part of. If you did this at 54, you are part of the fastest growing demographic in divorce in the United States. We call these gray divorces. Silver divorces. Gray divorces, yeah. Always trip up on that. It could be silver. It could also be silver gray divorces. What has. Share with us because you’re through it. Share with us. What has changed for you, for better or worse, to use the wedding terms in real life as a result of the divorce.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:28:39]:
Well, let’s see. I’m on great terms with my ex. I mean, not great. Good. I’d say good terms. We’ve both moved on and have our amazing. You know, I met the most amazing human that’s so aligned with me, and that was very unexpected. I did not care about that when I was going through that. I knew that. That I was rolling the dice. And that was another thing that people said to me is, well, you might be alone. I’m like. And, like, I’m okay. Like, I’ve been with someone for a long time. I’m okay. And I’ve just been on an adventure of moving. We moved to Los Angeles for two years. I lived in that wild and crazy town. And, you know, I feel like I, you know, I’ve entered into menopause now. Believe it or not, I wasn’t full on when I got my divorce. And I just feel like I know myself at a level that I never would have if I had stayed within that relationship, because I had to. I had to really just stand on my own two feet for the first time, really, in my life. And, you know, I am very strong, and I am very resilient. But it was a. It was a very tough initial adjustment to being inside of this, you know, very secure entity that made me feel safe. And even though I wasn’t happy anymore, it’s very comfortable. And I had to radically get out of my comfort zone, and.
Amy Stone [00:30:02]:
Which is hard.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:30:03]:
Hard. It was hard.
Amy Stone [00:30:04]:
Very hard.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:30:05]:
Yeah.
Amy Stone [00:30:05]:
We. I don’t. I’m not an expert on this. To be able to, like, give you Know a lot of really great facts, but it’s. It’s very hard to overcome the comfort. Like, there’s a significant amount of research that. Not just in relationship, but kind of in everything. Like, we’re more likely to buy the same pair of shoes again than to try something we’ve never done before. We’re more likely to order the same thing on our restaurant menu if we know. Right?
Lisa Blaisdell [00:30:30]:
Yes.
Amy Stone [00:30:30]:
Yes. That’s a radically different. Yeah, no, absolutely. Okay, so in a minute, we’re going to do the final questions, but I do want to give you a chance to talk about what you’re doing now, because you said you were in the health and wellness space. I might have messed that up at the beginning. There was maybe a business in between, and now you have a business that I think is totally. And I don’t know, I’d like. So tell us what you do and how people can find you.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:30:55]:
So about 18 months ago, you know, women started coming to me kind of quietly and saying, you know, how did you do this? You know, can you help me? I. I want to do something similar. And, you know, I just decided to put a shingle out on my roof and say, you know, I can help women with this particular niche. You know, I don’t. I’m not trauma trained. I don’t have a formal, you know, background. I’m very honest. I’m not a therapist, but I’m a woman who’s walked down this road. I was married to a good human. I made the choice to leave. It wasn’t horrible. Like, no one was hurting me. And there’s so many women like this. So many women like this. And so I help them. I validate how they’re feeling. I help them put together an initial plan because most of them don’t know what to do. They’re stuck in their fears and their overwhelms. Because of my background in leadership development and personal development, I have a lot of mindset coaching that I help them with because so much of this is helping them retrain their brains to get uncomfortable for a season. Right. And so I. I really. I do a lot of private coaching. I also have a course that they can navigate on their own without me because so many women are even afraid to talk to someone, even a stranger, Right? Because then that means it’s out loud. It’s out loud. Like, my unhappiness is now out loud. What am I going to do about it? And I. I started group coaching this year, which is actually my favorite thing, because I love to Bring women together. And I was very alone in my divorce. Nobody was going through it. I had some women that had done it in their 40s, but it was very different. And yeah, I love to bring women in community and I, I love these women. And so I’m on my second round and we go through an eight week program and just really helping them unpack their guilt and their fears. And we talk about money and they, they lean on each other while they’re, you know, being supported in this container. And so I just, I really feel that, I mean a coach helped me kind of, you know, get unstuck and make some very important decisions. And she now really deals with high conflict, you know, very trauma based scenarios. And so I wanted someone, I wanted to fill this gap that I felt was out there in terms of helping women that are not in this trauma filled space but have a very significant decision to make. And the backdrop for me, and I know you probably see a lot, is that I want this to be an amicable, as amicable as it can be. And yes, it’s bumpy when you’re in the process, but I had a vision early on that my now ex husband and I could be at our daughter’s graduations and weddings and we probably are re partnered with other people and yet we can still, you know, love each other and be kind to each other and be happy that we had this time in our life and yet have different lives. And, and we do, we have that. And I’m really proud of that.
Amy Stone [00:34:01]:
It’s a beautiful thing. So we call this divorce coaching, I think is, that’s what I would call it. It’s a divorce coaching. It is a thing. Most people don’t know what the components are that go into a divorce. People immediately, they know about the lawyers, they know about the mediators, they don’t know about the accountants. Always.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:34:18]:
Yes.
Amy Stone [00:34:19]:
And I feel you need a team.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:34:21]:
I, I feel you need.
Amy Stone [00:34:22]:
And the, what you’re providing, which is really, really nice, is you’re starting from. I think this is really important. This is one of the, through lines of the show and one of the reasons that I’m creating this is that I think we overvalue the work of professionals like doctors and lawyers. Right. They’re very, very important. But they don’t actually necessarily always have lived experience. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t. Right. And then we undervalue the advice that comes from people with lived experience. We push them off to the side and we don’t prioritize them. But in a Situation like this where you’re going through something and you are unable to imagine what your life will be like at the end, you are somebody who’s standing up and saying, I’m not a high conflict divorce. I’m not this. But I’m here to show you what we build after. As you can borrow my sense of possibility, right? Like, borrow me as an example. And I think that that’s really great and I’m glad you’re doing it. I’m glad you’re here to share it with everybody. You have a special offer for the audience, which is a free midlife journal to help women start the honest conversation with themselves. An easy way to answer questions about your life, how happy you truly are, and if you’re longing for change. And we have a link where they can download that. The value of that is $30. That’s a very generous gift. I want to say thank you for sharing that. I also love that we’re talking about divorce and you’re offering something that has the words happy in it because that’s not normally where we start, but it is where we, most of us want to end up. And I have not gone through a divorce. I just hang out with people. My husband was divorced before we were married. My parents were divorced, so. And I have that. So.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:36:03]:
Well, listen, congratulations. It’s. I think it’s, you know, listen, I think it’s great when people can keep going through the seasons of life. And I root for all of these people because it’s. It’s admirable that you can stay connected and grow and evolve as individuals and as a couple.
Amy Stone [00:36:20]:
It is, it’s very, it’s like, so coming in as a step parent and doing all these things. So I’ve done step kid weddings and graduations and all of those things. And it is. You see both sides of it. Every. This is not like a. I’m not. This is not. We live in the real world. So you see people who have very contentious relationships who are out there who are really struggling with it. You see people with really bad situations. But that’s. If you can do it on purpose and do it with intention and, you know, not be. Not be stepping all over each other, then that’s, that’s easier for everybody. Much more fun. So the link for your offer will be in the show notes for everybody who’s listening. And the easiest way for the listeners and the people who are watching to get it is to be subscribed to the email group@imperfect adulting.com because then I send it straight to your email. You just click on it. Easy peasy. So, Lisa, are you ready for the final questions?
Lisa Blaisdell [00:37:15]:
I’m ready.
Amy Stone [00:37:16]:
Let’s do it. When you think of your parents and the advice that they gave you as a kid, what’s the first bit of advice that they gave you that comes to mind? Like, just when you think about them in advice, what comes to mind first? And then as an adult, would you now say that that was good or bad advice?
Lisa Blaisdell [00:37:34]:
Well, I don’t know if they gave me advice per se, but they led by example, which is just to, you know, stay grounded and do your best. Okay, Stay grounded and do your best. And that is what I try to do every day.
Amy Stone [00:37:49]:
So we’re going to put that in the category of good advice. I love it. All right, very good. So this question is either going to be fabulous or a total flop. We’re gonna see. I thought it was. Thought it was fun when I wrote it. Did you go to prom in high school? And if you did, do you remember the name of the person you went with?
Lisa Blaisdell [00:38:04]:
Oh, easily. I absolutely did. And I went with my boyfriend, and he’s a twin, and they called them A and B. I swear to God. And I went with A.
Amy Stone [00:38:15]:
All right. And if somebody else went with B.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:38:18]:
Somebody else went with B.
Amy Stone [00:38:20]:
Do you have, like, a photo with the twins and the two dates?
Lisa Blaisdell [00:38:23]:
I don’t know if I have one of those, but I definitely have pictures with A.
Amy Stone [00:38:27]:
All right. Is that very good? All right, now here we go. So what is the worst movie you think you’ve ever seen in your entire life?
Lisa Blaisdell [00:38:34]:
I don’t know. There’s been some bad ones. I’m not a fan of all the shoot em up explosion things. I don’t know if I should name if I can name one, because the ones I don’t like, but that kind of a theme never really does it for me.
Amy Stone [00:38:52]:
Okay, very good. That’s it. Lisa Blaisdell, thank you very much for being a wonderful guest today on the show.
Lisa Blaisdell [00:38:59]:
Thank you so much, Amy. This was a great conversation. I so appreciate the time, and I’m really looking forward to connecting with you more that.