Late-Night Chaos to Vibrant Days: Sherri Danzig’s Wake-Up Call

Amy Stone [00:00:04]:
Sherry Danzig, welcome to Imperfect Adulting.

Sherry Danzig [00:00:07]:
Hi, Amy. Thanks.

Amy Stone [00:00:09]:
I’m so glad you’re here. Are you ready for a chat today?

Sherry Danzig [00:00:12]:
I am. I’m excited.

Amy Stone [00:00:14]:
That is so good. All right, so you and I actually know each other a teeny, tiny bit because we’re part of a group together. But you have never met the audience, and I’m looking forward to getting to know you better. Today. I start at every interview by asking my guest to share with the audience what part of the world they call home.

Sherry Danzig [00:00:32]:
I am in the suburbs of Atlanta, Georgia, and if you hear a little Southern twang, that’s why.

Amy Stone [00:00:40]:
That’s why.

Sherry Danzig [00:00:41]:
Yeah. Sometimes things come out of my mouth. I’m like, what? You know, the Southern. The Southern catches up with me sometimes.

Amy Stone [00:00:47]:
Have you always lived in the South? Did you grow up and stay in the south your whole life?

Sherry Danzig [00:00:51]:
I have. In fact, it, you know, it was a year, a couple of years ago that I realized that I love. I’ve traveled the world, but I have lived within eight hour, an eight hour, you know, distance from. Grew up in Florida, but not south Florida, you know, north Florida, and went to school a little further south and. And then have been in Atlanta for. For ever, just about 44 years.

Amy Stone [00:01:17]:
So, yeah, I. Atlanta was on the. When I was choosing where I wanted to live after college, Atlanta was actually on my list, but I settled in Miami, Florida. So my joke is, right, that I’m so far south, I have to drive north to get to the south, because you’re in the south, but by me, it’s really international and tropical. So, yeah, that is my. That is my hilarity. All right, so one. So the purpose of the whole show, right, is that we’re going to talk about choices and changes and how they impact our lives. That’s why I talk to people about every day, and I love it. Today you and I are actually going to talk about a car accident. And I don’t want to scare people because not like a. It’s not like, I’m here.

Sherry Danzig [00:02:00]:
I made it right.

Amy Stone [00:02:01]:
Exactly. It’s not like a horrible story. And we’re going to talk about how this shaped your life. Does that sound like a good plan?

Sherry Danzig [00:02:07]:
It sounds perfect. And I love. There’s a couple of things talking about choices that I rebranded my. My company to be Choosing Vibrancy. So I’m all about choosing and choices. And I love you talking about imperfect adulting, because I’ll tell you, I’ll share my. I’ll go ahead and share my mantra. And this is after the insight that I’ve had from this crazy crash and burn story that I’m going to share is that my new mantra is about perfect being perfectly imperfect. So yeah, I had to give up the perfect.

Amy Stone [00:02:42]:
It’s not. I mean, that’s something that we learn. It’s a really, really attractive target to say to ourselves that we want to be perfect and to shoot for perfection. And the challenges there are a lot because it’s hard, it’s not possible in my opinion. And then it can really be like. The thing that I like to tell people is imperfection is a starting point. And so really owning that the imperfection is a starting point I think is a powerful place to be. All right, so I want to ask you to think back in time, the accident and tell us generally or in as much detail as you want, a little bit about your life. If you’re. It’s. It’s one of those things you’re not supposed to ask people how old they are. But you know, if you, how old you were at the time, tell us about your personal life at the time if you want to your family, your career, sort of what things looked like at that point to set it up.

Sherry Danzig [00:03:37]:
Yeah, absolutely. And you know, I have to say I don’t remember ever saying like, you know, I have to be perfect. That was not really in my vibe to, to verbalize it. And yet it was what was driving me. So I am the only daughter with three brothers and you know, grew up in a loving home, Jacksonville, Florida and all of that. What was going on though, that I later had the insight to understand is that I was treated differently, you know, back in the day. So, you know, I’m in my 60s, so this was, you know, grew up in the. Well, I was a baby in the 50s, but grew up in the 60s and 70s, right. And so the impress impression that was put on me was I was a girl and I could do girl things. So that was one of the things. You know, the career I originally chose was very feminine oriented. I was a school teacher, special ed teacher to start with. But you know, my, my two older brothers were high achievers, still are, although they’re both retired now. But, you know, so I was the third, I was the next one. So I used to laugh. Doctor, Lawyer, Indian chief. I was the Indian chief because one was a doctor, the next was a lawyer. So that really did have an impact on me of me not feeling enough. I didn’t feel like I measured up. And I had that feeling when I was in school. You Know, I felt like I was kind of more of a goof off than my brothers. I think my baby brother didn’t get all of that. And I don’t know, he would have his own story, but that was kind of the, the shadowing that I grew up with. And so it was. I was trying to prove to the world, you know, always that I was good enough. And so I was, you know, at the time all of this was going on, I had gone from being a school teacher and then got burned out and fell into a wonderful thing. It was kind of coincidence, I guess or not, but became a massage therapist. I was invited to come to a massage or class and fell in love. And at that point actually had. I wasn’t a teacher. I’d gone from teacher to then fell into the food business. And so I was in food sales, which was pretty high pressured. And we were thinking about starting to have a family at that time. And so a lot of things were happening of me figuring out, like, who am I, what’s my identity? And so all of that. I didn’t have that self awareness at all, quite frankly. But there was a driving force for me to be, you know, overdoing, overachieving, just kind of always had lots of plates spinning. Always felt like that was exciting. Like I, like I leaned into drama and it was exhausting. I was exhausted. So that’s kind of what was going on with me.

Amy Stone [00:06:27]:
So you were at the stage where you were thinking about planning a family, but you did not. So you were in a relationship, but you didn’t have kids yet.

Sherry Danzig [00:06:35]:
Well, all that was going on and then we had, within four years we had three kids because I have an older child, the firstborn, and then twins. So all that started when I was then developing my massage practice. And so, you know, it was me trying to figure out how to be a mom and be a successful entrepreneur. And again, it was just. What was going on was I just didn’t feel like I had enough hours in the day. And so I was running constantly and you know, wanted to, I wanted to be the super mom, you know, I wanted to be superwoman, really.

Amy Stone [00:07:15]:
So were you in your late 20s or your early 30s?

Sherry Danzig [00:07:17]:
Early 30s?

Amy Stone [00:07:19]:
Early 30s. All right. So one of the things that I really like to do is that I think is really helpful is to bring, to have it cross across, like cross the age gamut. Like the, you know, so if, when you’re your peer group. Our peer group is often just very much the same age we are. But like the advice we Sometimes need. And the message that sometimes is helpful, it comes from further down the timeline. And so giving people the chance to do that and cross that is really, really good. Okay, so you were at a young family, you were in business, you had already changed career. There’s a lot of choices made already. And it sounds to me, I mean, it says, it sound to me, you were very clearly saying it, that you were aware and looking for places for adjustment in your life. You were aware that there was something going on, that you might want to be shifting. And so I don’t know if you’ll remember this because it wasn’t a recent thing, but if you remember what were the things, you felt like you were busy, you liked the drama. But do you remember what kind of inkling you would have had before the car accident of what you thought would make things better?

Sherry Danzig [00:08:30]:
I thought what would make things better was just do. It was always about doing. You know, I had to. My kids called me. They still call me this extra, extra, okay. Part of my personality. You know, it was just, I didn’t know how to manage things. So I was, I was. The biggest thing that was happening is that I was sacrificing my own health. I was not sleeping very much. Anytime I sat down for any length of time, I was falling asleep. I remember I’d go get my nails done and I could not keep my eyes open because I was sitting down. So it was simply that I felt like I was wearing a bit of a mask. Even with my dearest friends. I would come home after that and be processing conversations. I never felt like I was enough. I didn’t feel like I could do enough. So it was just a lot of external, you know, effort to, to show up and, and prove to everybody, you know, that I was doing things really well. But I didn’t feel that way. So that was.

Amy Stone [00:09:34]:
You shared with us what your brothers did. Did you also have really like. Was your father like a really high accomplish. He an accomplished person? Was he like a professional?

Sherry Danzig [00:09:44]:
No, actually he wasn’t.

Amy Stone [00:09:46]:
Okay.

Sherry Danzig [00:09:47]:
He had. I watched. I. I really aligned a lot with my dad. I, you know, I think he didn’t feel like he was enough. He had, he was the baby of six of. With six, you know, five siblings. He was the youngest and he was a blue collar, you know, worker. But he, I got into the food business because my family started a restaurant. They had two restaurants that I, of course, being the only daughter, worked at a lot. And you know, that was one of the things is right before I was Going to college. He wanted me to stay home. He was going to buy me a car so I would stay and work in the family business. So he.

Amy Stone [00:10:24]:
You’re like the real life My Big Fat Greek Wedding. That’s right. That’s the story.

Sherry Danzig [00:10:29]:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, you know, he was, he was super proud of all of his kids. Unfortunately, sadly, he, he died at a young age. So he’s been gone for well over 30 years. So. No, I watched my brothers, you know, come into the world being very, you know, overachievers, very successful and professionally. And I was trying to figure out my way. You know, it’s like I had this drive and yet I was, I was put in a kind of a box of, you know, to be, to do something that was more girly, you know, that was this kind of, this conflict, you know, of wanting to be the successful person and yet also wanting to be the mom. You know, I think a lot of women get this, this.

Amy Stone [00:11:14]:
I do too. I do too. I do too. And I think there’s a, I think there’s a temptation to think that it changes for future generations. But. And I can’t speak for all generations. I don’t know whether or not it’s disappeared for the younger girls. As much as it, as much as we would like it to have.

Sherry Danzig [00:11:33]:
It’s still, I think it’s still there. I think it’s there less. I mean, I have three daughters, so.

Amy Stone [00:11:37]:
Okay, so you would have a better.

Sherry Danzig [00:11:39]:
Yeah, yeah.

Amy Stone [00:11:40]:
But I, I remember it really caught me by surprise when like it really caught me by surprise, the fact that it doesn’t actually. My joke is that like once you have kids, that’s when you realize that there isn’t actually a job out there where they hire you to work, you know, from 9:00 to 10:30 so you can be home for nap time. I was like, wow, now I know why everybody quits. So it’s the way that goes. All right, so now this is. You set it up and you told us about the, the, the frame of what was going on in your life. I’m going to give you the opportunity to tell the story of this accident in your own words. Like what happened.

Sherry Danzig [00:12:20]:
Absolutely. I, I like to say that people have to hit rock bottom a lot of times before they’re, you know, can see enough and realize they’ve got to make a change. And for me it was a crash and burn. So to, to just share what was going on. So I’m a mom of three kids, I’m running a business as a massage therapist, being a solo entrepreneur, and I’m a night owl. So all of those things played in, and I’m trying to figure out how to fit everything in. And so I had started this habit of going to the grocery store around midnight because I was running my life. Everybody would go to bed then. That was my time to get stuff done. And so that was. I was going to the grocery store. We had grocery stores that were open 247 around us back in the day. Not so much anymore, but back. Back then they were. So this one particular night, I was driving my husband’s car. He had a stick shift car, which I didn’t drive very often. And we live in a cul de sac and we have a very steep driveway. So just to set up the physicality of this. So I. At the grocery store, I’m coming back in, it’s close to one in the morning, and I have to pull up and I. My garage door, you know, remote thing wasn’t working. So I put my car and, you know, the emergency brake on at the top of the driveway, pop out, have to manually get the, you know, keypad thing to open the garage door, get back in the car again. This is not my car. I’m driving my husband’s car and I’m tired, right, because it’s one in the morning. And I put my foot on what I thought was the brake, but I actually put my foot on the clutch as I let the emergency brake out. And I was just going to go, you know, pop into the garage. And so what happened was that my car flew backwards. I went back down the very steep driveway very fast and flew into the neighbor’s yard where the. I hit it just straight on. There’s an electrical box where Georgia Power. And it is the electrical for the whole neighborhood, I’m sure, because I shut it all down anyhow. I hit that with force, bounced back into the cul de sac, and within seconds there were these giant. I mean, they must have been 20ft high, flying. It just exploded the electrical box. So somebody popped up, somebody heard it, and a neighbor heard it, and they called. There were two fire trucks that came at this point. Now it’s, you know, it’s well after one in the morning, and people are coming out, they’re in their pajamas, they’re looking at me. My neighbor had to yell at me and say, get out of the car. Because, you know, I mean, it could have. It could have gone really bad. My car could have exploded or something. So it didn’t. I Was really fine. I was just completely stunned. But it was such an incredibly embarrassing moment where people are staring at me. I’ve shut the electrical stuff down. Thank heavens my insurance paid because it was a huge bill. And then later that day, it started popping at the light. But anyhow, it just kept on. And so that was truly a. I had to look at. Well, I got talked to by several people in my family, including my husband, about what the heck was I doing and why was I, you know, why was I even out at this hour.

Amy Stone [00:15:32]:
Right. Because you mentioned, you mentioned that you were tired, and I think that’s probably an understatement for how you were actually feeling at the time. Right. Like, so completely overwhelmed. The, the fatigue that comes with young children is mind boggling. Mind boggling. And being a, Being a masseuse, being a body worker.

Sherry Danzig [00:15:56]:
Yeah.

Amy Stone [00:15:56]:
Is extremely physical.

Sherry Danzig [00:15:58]:
Yeah.

Amy Stone [00:15:59]:
So you had, like, a lot going on. And I think that I, I. When, when you first shared with me the pieces of this story, you know, the decision to go to the grocery store at midnight because that was your free time. You were borrowing from your sleep.

Sherry Danzig [00:16:18]:
Yeah.

Amy Stone [00:16:18]:
Yeah. And you had young kids, so I don’t, I’m gonna guess that you got up with them in the morning. I don’t think they were sleeping.

Sherry Danzig [00:16:25]:
Absolutely. I was, you know, I was. I thought I was cheating time. I was really cheating myself, but I thought I was. I. I thought I was clever, and yet I knew I was. It was, it was a little embarrassing, you know, before the accident. It was a little embarrassing that, because I didn’t hear anybody else sharing that. So I had, you know, and I have a history that we could go back into. But it’s another story where I had learned about keeping secrets. So it was my dirty little secret that I was doing all of this. So it just all came out in the open. Thank God, you know, because it really was a wake up call for me to review how I was, how I was living my life, but later on, working with a coach, why I was doing it.

Amy Stone [00:17:13]:
Right. Because we put a lot of pressure. So this is way before social media because people say that comparison, and I’m sure it has, has gotten much worse with social media. But this is way before social media. And you. There was still the pressure that you were supposed to be able to do all these things as a wife, as a mother, as a woman, as a human, and fit it all into 24 hours and never look like you retired and never look like you didn’t have it all together. And that’s I mean, it is good that people are talking about it more. That that’s not really possible for most people. I mean, you can. You can do that. And they talk about the borrowing time. They really. They describe that as like, you know, like a high interest credit card. Like it comes with a bill and you don’t know when it is. And I think that that’s great analogy. So I once had somebody crash into my front yard and take down a light pole, which was a breakaway pole. So it was really dramatic because this giant concrete pole fell into the yard and took out a lot of landscaping. But I honestly have never, ever seen the energy company and the police respond so fast because it was there, it made a giant noise and my neighbors came out and all of the things. But you took out like the box and the power for your entire neighborhood. I mean, you are lucky that the car didn’t stick to the box and send a million volts of electricity into you and the car.

Sherry Danzig [00:18:37]:
All. All things. I mean, it really. Yeah, it freaked me out for a long time. So.

Amy Stone [00:18:42]:
Yeah.

Sherry Danzig [00:18:43]:
Yeah.

Amy Stone [00:18:44]:
And so then. All right, so then. So in the land of accidents, you came out pretty. Pretty lucky. Like damage to the neighborhood, damage to the car, the insurance came through, things like that. Not the worst thing that can happen. But. But your neighbors all saw it, your family all saw it. You could not hide from the story. And you mentioned that people came out and started to begin to bring up some of the things that you were making decisions on in your life, like going to the grocery store and how you were managing your time, which can’t have been easy discussions because you’re an adult and having somebody question how you’re doing that, that can’t have felt.

Sherry Danzig [00:19:24]:
No, it didn’t. But I was, I. It was a humbling experience. It really was.

Amy Stone [00:19:31]:
Yeah.

Sherry Danzig [00:19:32]:
You know, I was already starting to work with someone, a coach. So I guess I knew that something was out of balance enough before this whole, you know, thing just blew up, literally. So. And I had done some, you know, I’d been in therapy before as a younger person, and so I had some insight. I just. I just felt like my life was spinning. So in some ways I think it was. You know, sometimes I think we manifest things. There’s like, okay, well, if this, if you’re not going to pay attention to this, then let’s. I’m gonna give you this. Right, Right.

Amy Stone [00:20:06]:
Well, that’s the joke. Like if you ignore the signs. Right. The first thing is a little hint.

Sherry Danzig [00:20:10]:
Yeah.

Amy Stone [00:20:10]:
The second thing is like a slightly Larger hint. And if you keep ignoring the signs, you get the two by four in the face. That’s like, pay attention. Pay attention in some way.

Sherry Danzig [00:20:20]:
When all of the smoke cleared, pun intended. I really think I was relieved because it was an opportunity for me to choose something different. So. And somewhere in that whole thing, I love. And I learned this in my family about humor. We’re very sarcastic, we make fun of each other. You know, humor’s always been a really important aspect of my life, of a high value. And so I started being able to tell the story with a little bit of, you know, humor. And. And, you know, it was the process of me forgiving myself, of realizing that it felt. I started practicing sharing how I was screwing up. It was kind of like, you know, the cards were out, you know, there was no more hiding about this. And I started getting, you know, positive feelings of telling the truth about it. And so that was a real big insight for me is to look at what was I telling myself. You know, I’ve learned since then, it was the stories that we tell ourselves, that we think we have to do things a certain way because of a certain story. And so, you know, it was like I had to change the stories that I didn’t have to have my. Can I say I didn’t have this together and that it was actually. I mean, nobody. You know, people used to always say this when I would show up and I’d. With the twins when they were little, you know, it was like my friends were so envious, or not envious, impressed, you know, that I had these little girls. And. And I mean, you know, the. The act of getting anywhere between leaving the house and getting to where I was getting with them was just, you know, I had cussed my way through the. You know, after I put him in the car seat, you know, just had all sorts of f bombs and so forth just to, you know, get back in the car to start driving someplace. So there was a lot of that chaos that was part of my story, and I just started embracing it more.

Amy Stone [00:22:25]:
And more, you know, 100%. Like, I really. So I was a stepmom before I was a mom, so. And one of the things that I am very upfront about is that I really did not understand how hard it was to do anything with small children and get there on time until. Until I was really in a phase of doing it all of the time, every single day. And I mean, it just is. It just is a miracle that anybody ends up in time anywhere on time. I remember standing in the. Standing in the office of the elementary school being asked to put fill out, like, why am I. Why we were late for like the start of the school day. Like the little worksheet that’s like, you know, please excuse for like kindergarten. Right. And as if anybody should have to apologize for being late on kindergarten. But whatever. It is respectful to be on time and they give the options for why you relate. And the reason we relate is that on the way out of the house, one of the kids was like, I have to go to the bathroom. Right? And I was like, there’s no. What. How does one complete the form for like. Like, you know, like. And. Right. Going to the bathroom when you’re five is like a. It’s like an activity. It’s like a wardrobe change. And like, there’s. I was like. I was like, okay, right, yeah. Arguments, the whole thing. And I was like, I don’t know how to fill out this form. We’re late because we’re late, you know, so. All right, so we’re tired. So I. This has not already come up, but you use these words about the super hu. Superwoman cape. This is the way you describe setting it up. People who are taking on like, a lot of responsibility, a lot of all the things in social circles, jobs. And so you. It sounds like you were a little bit aware of this before. Maybe not, but this really brought it into focus, how you were doing that. And so, you know, how did this. How did this begin to show up as changing in your life? What were some of the things. Choices you made as a result of this awareness? And I guess we’ll call it authenticity.

Sherry Danzig [00:24:19]:
Well, I realized that I needed more sleep. And actually this. This kind of drove me. I was already involved in helping people sleep better, ironically. And so I started doing research on sleep and I started realizing that the time I went to sleep was important. And so I changed that. I made a decision, a choice that I was going to get myself to bed earlier. At this point, now my kids are grown, they’re out of the house. So I do stay up later, but I always get. But. But I’m able to sleep in. But back in the day, I just had to stop doing a lot of things. I had to start asking for help.

Amy Stone [00:24:58]:
Easy.

Sherry Danzig [00:24:59]:
Having to live with a lot of more mess. Right? It was like just. I had to go to bed with things that weren’t done. You know, I started using my phone as my. My phone has been kind of this alarm system, like, you know, management system that I’d set Alarms sometimes in the beginning, I remember setting it like every three minutes so it was like it would not shut up to tell me to go to bed. So it was a lot of that to change that pattern. And again, the research was scaring me about how important it was for sleep. I was kind of missing that. And so that was a big part of it was I had to prioritize sleep and start prioritizing myself. I’ve never been somebody that didn’t take care of myself in many ways. I mean, I valued my free time and going, you know, having time with my friends and things like that, but it was the taking on too many things. So I started saying. I started learning to say no to things, which felt very weird for a very long time, but I had to start saying no. It was like I had to say, I don’t think so. I’ll let you know, instead of immediately saying yes to things and then trying to figure out how in the hell was I going to get it done. So I think that was a lot of what was going on in the beginning, was just knowing that I had to set boundaries. I mean, that was the big thing was the big B word was, you know, setting boundaries and. And not saying yes to things immediately so that, you know, I. I couldn’t take on. I just had to stop taking on so much stuff because I felt like I had to be that superwoman. And so that meant you never said no to people. You could always be the one that would do it. Right. I’d always be the one that would step up and say, I can do it.

Amy Stone [00:26:45]:
Yeah. Oh, let me do it. Yeah. So it’s so interesting, right before we did this, I actually posted something about, like, end of year advice because we’re recording this at the end of 2024. And one of the. One of the things that I like, you could call it a mantra for myself, but it’s like, say yes. But it’s also terrible advice. Like, I mean, like, say when stuff comes up that is fun, like, choose that. But it’s also terrible advice because it can absolutely lead into, you know, indulgence and bad decisions and so on and so forth. So you have to apply the common sense to it. Because saying no to somebody else’s request is sometimes saying yes to ourselves. Right? Like saying no to something that’s not a good idea or that you’re not going to enjoy that is a way of saying yes to choosing ourselves and valuing ourselves. But that’s. It’s not easy. It’s not Easy. There have been books written and talks and movies. Many, many people talk about the value of saying no. So we talked a little bit about this earlier, but I’m going to bring it up because now that we’ve gone through it, like, do we think that like, so you’re 60, I am young, 50s, 51. And like, do, do we think that this is changing as the generations below us are making their own decisions or like, have we fixed it for them or are they going to have to like go through these same challenges and figure out some of this stuff by themselves?

Sherry Danzig [00:28:10]:
I, I think there’s some. I think culturally we’re still holding women to be the home provider, but then they’re also working. Yeah, to some degree, I think so. But I also really do see and I look through the eyes of my three daughters who are all in their 30s and their friends, we’re also in their 30s. And then I have a bunch of nieces too. I have six nieces, the youngest being 25. And I see them being so much more self sufficient and, and outspoken in a good way. So I do think this generation is shifting. I really think there’s a lot more empowerment happening with young people. I think that, I think I, I thought it worked for me to have my husband be, you know, that I was doing those kinds of things. It was my job. Like I remember, you know, we had this laugh that he, he was a teacher and he worked around women and he would, when the kids were little and it was, you know, I would say a mother knows when, you know, like I would challenge his because, you know, my instinct, I’m a mother, I’m the mother. I know. So I think, you know, I’m seeing this where I think women are starting to let their, their partners do more, take more responsibility. There’s just not that same divided of role, you know, dividing of roles that is so gender specific. I do think it’s getting better.

Amy Stone [00:29:36]:
I do think that’s getting better. One of the things, there’s new challenges that come up also though. So like one of the things that you are already freelance. But one of the big changes, since people are working from home instead of going to an office and having to come home, managing that sets up a place to have a new boundary. And also like globalization that people are working for companies on different time zones more regularly, I think that that creates, it’s like a very long leash. It’s like you can work from anywhere, you can work at any time. It’s up to each of us to make Those decisions. And that was very different when I, you know, when back in the day when the offices were open for certain times, you know, you would leave work or school and they couldn’t really find you. They didn’t know where you were, you know, now they do. So I do. I agree with everything you said, and I do also. I think that my instinct on this is that there’s also still a lot of benefit from learning the lessons and being open to the lessons of people who’ve walked the walk before us. And. And learning how to set boundaries is something that’s great. Some people are lucky enough to have parents who teach them and big sisters and big brothers. Others of us have to learn from our friends and people around that we have. All right, one of the. So we talked about this. One of the things I’m looking to do is cross this age boundary and bring people together and stuff like that. Do you have people. Did you. At the time of. You talked about this. But let’s talk about who they were and how it worked. The people that were around you when you were making this shift, did you have people around you who were supportive of you setting up boundaries and speaking up for yourself and making the changes in their life? And the second part of this question that I’ll just drop in so you can answer it all the time. What support do you wish, like, now, having gone through it and looking back through with the benefit of time, what kind of support would have been really helpful?

Sherry Danzig [00:31:28]:
At that time, I didn’t have the support I have now. I mean, now I have a number of different groups I’m a part of that are mostly women, if not all women groups that of just sharing and being honest and supportive and, you know, all of that having this community, I didn’t have that back then. So I had a good group of friends. They were all. Almost all of them were mothers. And so that was helpful. I. I was working at that time. I had a coach who really got me and had been, you know, was a parent himself. Interesting. It was a male perspective, but he really got me, so he was supportive. I. I mean, so, you know, I had some support around that. And again, I think that my friends, they. They were. Well, I compared myself. I always felt like I was different than everybody. I kind of grew up different. You know, I think I embraced that. And so there was. There was a process of me moving into a place of saying it was okay for me to be the same and not. I didn’t have to have all this drama around me. So I think in some ways I kind of moved into this calmer, you know, aura of being around with my friends and I, you know, so a lot of that was. Was an internal process and it just calmed me down to be able to do that, you know, to be able to feel like I didn’t. The drama wasn’t so great. You know, I used to believe that that excitement really and that spontaneousness and all of that of the way I live my life that anybody that didn’t have that was boring. And so that was somewhat. Some of it was just me maturing to realize, no, that’s not boring. That’s being calm and planning things. So, you know, it was just, it was a smathering of places. I was reading lots of books at that time. Also. I was thirsty for how to shift. And I learned some skills, some tools about at that time. It’s when I learned about I am statements, you know, about really getting solid in who I am and what I wanted to claim for myself. So I think the coaching really helped a lot. It gave me a lot of tools to. To make that shift.

Amy Stone [00:33:55]:
That is, that is really good. The, the value of community is. Cannot be overstated. And they are describing this generation of young mothers, they are describing them as the loneliest new parents, which is kind of terrifying. And so because it is, it is an experience, I was surprised at how isolating new motherhood was. Right. Like, so it’s a lot of it comes down to like at 2:00 in the morning with a baby that’s awake or three babies that were awake at your point, there’s not a lot of, there’s not a lot of people around. It’s you and them in the. You and them. And so setting up that community is really, really important. Okay, so in a minute we’re going to do the final questions, but I do want to give people, give you a chance to tell the audience what you do as a business these days, how they can connect with you and follow you online. And you have a very special offer that I’ll share with the audience so that you don’t have to remember what it is, which is that you’re offering a discovery call with you, which is normally $97 for free to the audience. There’ll be a link in the show notes and I include it in the email that goes out to the imperfect adult and community. So Sheri, tell us what you do these days and how people can connect with you.

Sherry Danzig [00:35:11]:
Thank you. Well, I’ve been a part of the kind of the physical well being for a very long time. As I said, I was a massage therapist. I don’t do a whole lot of that anymore. I do work with some fabulous technologies. So I coach people on creating a wellness environment which is using natural technology. So it, whether it’s about having a healthier, healthier water to drink or better sleep, there are all these nature inspired technology. So I work with a company called Nikin and have for 20. I’m in my 28th year with this company so that I, that’s something I do. I love talking to people about natural ways to feel better. And then I work with individuals that want to follow this process of learning how to put themselves first and learning more about self care and expanding self care. And so it’s really, I take people through one on one or group coaching that is all about that process of learning how to be the most important person in your life which you know is not about being selfish. It’s like you have to, you know, this is so, so inherent of what I’ve learned for myself is that if we don’t treat ourselves the best, you know, we’re cheating everybody else. And when we really take time for ourselves and we pour into ourselves and it’s not, it’s not like you live at the spa every day, right? It’s that you are, but you’re having spa moments and meditative moments and self care and self talk and self love moments throughout the day. So it’s a lot of that just learning how to prioritize yourself and taking care of yourself so that your cup is full.

Amy Stone [00:36:58]:
That’s right. Because this is like the, like everybody. That’s the saying. It’s like you can’t pull from, you can’t pour from an empty cup, but the cup has holes in it. You have to constantly be filling it up. It’s not like you fill it up once when you’re born and then it’s full forever. You have to learn how to fill it back up yourself. I love that. Very, very good. What? You have a website? Tell people your website.

Sherry Danzig [00:37:18]:
My website is choosing vibrancy.com okay. I have a Facebook group that’s a public group that’s, that’s choosing Vibrancy. I have an Instagram choosing Vibrancy as well.

Amy Stone [00:37:28]:
So um, put all that stuff in so people can find 100%. All right, so the way we wrap up is I’m going to ask you three questions. The idea is that these are like kind of rapid fire with very short answers, couple words, just for fun. Usually I get distracted, and they don’t work out to be exactly as rapid fire. It’s me. I’m the problem. But here we go. All right, so your name is Sherry Danzig. Were you aware that there is, like, a heavy metal band with the name Danzig? Yes.

Sherry Danzig [00:37:57]:
Yeah. There’s a certain age of young men, especially as I’m, you know, ringing up at the counter, that they know how to spell my name, you know? Yeah, No, I only know one song. It’s called Mother. Right?

Amy Stone [00:38:08]:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sherry Danzig [00:38:11]:
It’s not me.

Amy Stone [00:38:12]:
I.

Sherry Danzig [00:38:12]:
It’s not my relationship.

Amy Stone [00:38:13]:
I was. If you had said you. I think they’re out of New Jersey. If you had said you were from New Jersey, I would be like, are you related? But actually, I don’t even know if.

Sherry Danzig [00:38:19]:
So I’m the inspiration. I’m not.

Amy Stone [00:38:22]:
That would be very. That would be very fun. But I had to, like, check it. I was like, I think this is a band. But, like, let’s see. All right, so, okay, so number two, can you share a tip or a routine that you actually do yourself that you consider self care?

Sherry Danzig [00:38:35]:
That self care. I have a journal at my bedside, and first thing I do in the morning, last thing I do at night is write something about. I don’t say gratitude. I like appreciation. I like. Like that vibration is. Is stronger. So I talk it. Just write random things. I never go back and read it. It’s. It’s. It’s a very. It’s. It’s. It’s grounding me. Grounds me to go to bed. It grounds me to wake up and start my day.

Amy Stone [00:39:04]:
That’s beautiful. That is beautiful. All right, third, what is your favorite indulgent or even decadent dessert or treat?

Sherry Danzig [00:39:17]:
Oh, my gosh. I do love sugar. A really good chocolate chip salted chocolate chip cookie.

Amy Stone [00:39:26]:
Ah, yum, yum. I have one friend who does not like chocolate. I’ve known her for several decades, and when she first confessed that she did not like chocolate for weeks, I was like, how. How can. Like. It is a thing. They’re not. Everybody likes chocolate. There’s something that really, really puzzled me. I was like, but tell me again, how is it?

Sherry Danzig [00:39:46]:
I know, right? Bad for you?

Amy Stone [00:39:48]:
So far, she’s like, leave it alone, Amy. I’m like, all right, so that’s it. Sherry Danzig, thank you very much for being a wonderful guest.

Sherry Danzig [00:39:56]:
Oh, thank you. You’re an awesome host. This was so fun. You’re so easy to talk to, and I can see why people love listening to your podcast.

Amy Stone [00:40:04]:
Thank you.

Sherry Danzig [00:40:06]:
Absolutely.