Paulette Rigo stood in her kitchen, hearing the Talking Heads song drift across from the mailbox. The lyrics struck her like a revelation: This isn’t my beautiful house. She looked around at the life she had built over 21 years of marriage and realized she couldn’t answer a fundamental question. How did she get there? The answer would take her eight and a half years in family court, a move to Central America, and a complete reinvention of her identity to fully understand. But it began with a pattern she had established long before she ever walked down the aisle in that pink wedding dress at age 23.
The real cost of avoiding personal agency isn’t measured in a single decision. It accumulates quietly over years, building into a life that looks successful from the outside but feels hollow within. Paulette’s journey from a 17-year-old girl who let her older sister sneak her into a nightclub to a woman trapped in an eight-year legal battle reveals how the habit of deferring to others can create consequences that take decades to untangle. Her story illuminates a truth many people discover too late: when you let everyone else make your decisions, you eventually face a reckoning that demands far more courage than speaking up would have required in the first place.
The Pattern Begins Early
The seeds of Paulette’s decade-long divorce were planted long before she met her future husband on that dance floor in 1981. Growing up in a Catholic household where divorce carried heavy stigma, she learned that certain life choices were simply off the table for discussion. Her family legacy told her marriage was permanent, but it taught her something else too.
“I let everyone else make my decisions for me because if they didn’t work out, I wouldn’t be to blame,” Paulette said. “It felt as if having other people make my decisions for me meant that it would be easier, that I would be accepted and loved and cherished and honored and worshiped.”
This reasoning makes perfect sense to a young person trying to navigate a world where pleasing others seems like the safest path. But Paulette’s compliance went deeper than typical people-pleasing. She grew up as Paulette Jr., named after her mother Paulette, who ran Paulette’s Ballet Studio. Every day, she saw that legacy marquee and absorbed the message that her destiny was predetermined. When you’re literally named after a family business, speaking up about wanting something different feels like betraying everyone who came before you.
The ballet world reinforced these lessons with its own rigid expectations. “The message was, never let them see you sweat. The show must go on and be a trooper,” she said. These principles served her well on stage but proved disastrous in life decisions that required honest self-examination.
When her future husband told her to break up with her boyfriend, she did. When he handed her a ring in the pouring rain and commanded more than asked her to marry him, she called her parents instead of answering him directly. When her father reminded her on her wedding day that she was about to become Mrs. Somebody Else, she felt defeated but said nothing. “I was too afraid to speak my mind, to speak up,” she recalled.
The Architecture of Resentment
Twenty-one years is a long time to maintain any relationship, much less one built on a foundation of unexpressed desires. Paulette didn’t mind the work of running a household and raising children. What slowly poisoned her marriage was something more insidious.
“It wasn’t the work. It was the resentment that I slowly bubbled up when I felt that it was an obligation and it was expected,” she explained. “There wasn’t a lot of collaboration or congruent goal seeking. It was expected.”
Resentment functions like compound interest in reverse. Each small moment of swallowing your truth, each time you say yes when you mean no, adds to an account that eventually comes due with devastating interest. Paulette described feeling like an actress in her own life, playing a role so convincingly that even her best friend had no idea she was struggling.
The path to her eventual breaking point wound through unexpected territory. In her sophomore year of college, studying journalism and building a career in media, her mother called with a request that would redirect her entire professional life. Would she sub some dance classes for a teacher on maternity leave? Paulette agreed, despite the logistical challenges. Twenty years later, she was still there, having helped grow the studio from 150 students to much larger enrollment.
“I wasn’t making a conscious decision,” she said of that career shift. “But yes, I went from teaching three classes a week to 21 years co-directing and basically running the business with her.”
This pattern of allowing others to script her life continued until Paulette was in her forties, when an umbilical hernia surgery forced her to spend six weeks on the couch. That period of stillness and solitude gave her something she’d never had: time to think without the constant noise of obligations and expectations.
“I realized if I did not make a change in my life, it would be bad. I was very depressed. I would even say suicidal,” she said. “I wanted my life back. I wanted to start over. And I realized if I didn’t change something in my life, I’d be 95 years old and resentful. Or I’d drive my car off the bridge.”
What Does Amy Ask That Supports the Main Themes?
Amy asks Paulette to reflect on her awareness at the time of the power disparities in her relationship: “Do you think that you were aware actually at the time that you had those feelings? Or is that something you see looking in the rearview mirror?”
This question cuts to the heart of how difficult it is to recognize patterns of compliance when you’re living inside them. Amy points out that confusion and being overwhelmed happen in both healthy and unhealthy situations, making it nearly impossible to distinguish between normal wedding jitters and genuine red flags about a relationship’s foundation.
The Real Cost of Divorce
Paulette initially thought ending her marriage would be straightforward. Her grandmother had divorced in the 1920s, and in Paulette’s understanding, it had been quick and simple. She entered mediation with good faith, expecting a few meetings would resolve everything. Instead, she discovered her husband had already consulted an attorney and had no intention of disclosing financial information necessary for settlement.
The mediator returned their retainer with a note that said, “Good luck. You’re going to need it,” Paulette recalled.
What followed was an eight-and-a-half-year odyssey through the legal system that included a 12-day trial spread over nine months, followed by four additional years of appeals. The financial cost of such a proceeding is staggering. The average litigated divorce in America costs between 40,000 and 70,000 dollars. Paulette’s case likely exceeded that substantially.
But the financial toll, crushing as it was, represented only part of the equation. “For about eight and a half years, call it a decade, my life was monopolized by the judicial legal system,” she said.
During those years, Paulette made a choice that would ultimately transform catastrophe into purpose. Rather than merely enduring the process, she became a student of it. “I took copious notes while I was in court. I wanted to learn everything about the judicial legal system and family court,” she said. Her attorney later told her she’d become an asset to the firm.
This decision to engage rather than simply survive proved pivotal. While the judicial system consumed her time and resources, Paulette simultaneously embarked on a journey of complete personal transformation. She became a 500-hour registered yoga teacher, studied macrobiotic cooking, trained as a birth doula and lactation consultant, and explored Ayurvedic lifestyle practices. She described this period as “an exfoliation of the soul and of the body and the mind.”
The contrast is striking. On one hand, she was learning the cold mechanics of divorce law, real estate, taxes, and co-parenting agreements. On the other, she was discovering who she actually was beneath all those years of performing a role. “I never took the time, nor did I want to take the time to understand more about what made me happy,” she said.
Life After the Verdict
When the appeals process finally concluded and Paulette was truly free to build a new life, she made a choice that symbolized just how completely she had changed. With her children grown, she accepted a position to run an aerial yoga teacher training and retreat center in Belize, signed a two-year contract, sold everything, and moved to Central America.
“Everyone thought I was crazy,” she said, laughing at the memory.
But the move made perfect sense for someone who had spent her entire life in one small geographic and emotional radius. She had grown up in Boston’s cold, dreary winters, married into her husband’s family business that was tied to cold weather, and felt trapped by climate as well as circumstance. Belize represented not just warm weather but the physical manifestation of a life she chose entirely for herself.
She lived there for three years before eventually returning to the United States and settling in Atlanta, where she remarried. Her second marriage, built on the foundation of knowing who she actually is and what she wants, bears no resemblance to the first.
Turning Pain Into Purpose
Perhaps the most remarkable part of Paulette’s story is what she did with her hard-won expertise. As she navigated her divorce, other women began reaching out to her. “I got letters. My doorbell rang,” she said. The conversations would start with concern about why her divorce was taking so long, but they always ended the same way: “Can you help me?”
Rather than leave that painful chapter behind, Paulette decided to become what she wished she’d had. She trained as a certified divorce coach and credentialed private family mediator specializing in alternative dispute resolution. She authored a bestselling book and workbook, hosts the Better Divorce podcast, and serves as director of coaching and case management for Divorce Right, which matches employees with appropriate divorce professionals.
“I figured out that divorce is a big problem, and I wanted to be a disruptor,” she said. “It irritated me. Dare I say it pissed me off. That’s a Boston phrase, to see so many people destroy their lives, allow the judicial legal system destroy their families and their finances and take over.”
She now mediates six to ten cases monthly, helping people avoid court and save an average of 40,000 to 70,000 dollars in legal fees while divorcing with what she calls grace, dignity, and wisdom.
The Cost of Silence
Paulette’s attorney once told her something that brought tears to her eyes: “You think like a judge, you act like a lawyer, but you feel like a therapist.” That unique combination of analytical skill and emotional intelligence came at an extraordinary price, but it also positioned her to help others avoid paying the same toll.
The lesson embedded in her story isn’t that marriage is doomed or that divorce is inevitable. It’s something more fundamental about the compound effects of personal agency. Every time Paulette said yes when she meant no, every time she let someone else make a decision she should have made herself, she added another brick to a prison she was building around her own life. By the time she realized what she’d done, the structure was so massive it took a decade to dismantle.
“I came into this marriage with good intention,” she said. “I thought dating seven years was, you know, plenty of time, right?” But time spent dating someone isn’t the same as time spent learning to advocate for yourself. All those years couldn’t compensate for the fundamental problem: she didn’t know what she wanted because she’d never practiced the skill of figuring it out.
Standing in that kitchen, hearing David Byrne ask how he got there, Paulette finally understood. She got there one small acquiescence at a time, one surrendered decision after another, until the accumulated weight of all those silent yeses created a life she didn’t recognize. The irony is that she thought letting others decide would make her journey easier and smoother. Instead, it made it exponentially harder and infinitely longer.
The pink wedding dress, the 21-year marriage, the eight-year divorce, the move to Belize, the new career helping others navigate the system that nearly broke her—all of it traces back to a 17-year-old girl who didn’t know how to say no to a dance in a nightclub. But that girl eventually became a woman who built an entire profession around helping others find their voices before the cost of silence becomes unbearable.
This article was inspired by an interview with Paulette Rigo and Amy Stone on The Art of Imperfect Adulting podcast. https://imperfect-adulting.captivate.fm/listen https://www.youtube.com/@imperfectadulting To hear more compelling conversations like this one and receive special offers from our guests directly to your inbox, join our email community today.
Full Transcript of the Interview between Amy Stone and Paulette Rigo
Amy Stone [00:00:05]:
Paulette Rigo, welcome to the art of imperfect adulting. I’m happy you’re here today. Are you ready for a fun chat?
Paulette Rigo [00:00:11]:
I am. I’m excited. Always.
Amy Stone [00:00:14]:
Yay. All right, I start all my conversations asking my guests, what part of the world are you in? Where do you call home today?
Paulette Rigo [00:00:21]:
Well, I’m originally from Boston, then I lived in Belize for three years, but now I call Atlanta home.
Amy Stone [00:00:27]:
All right, you’ve bounced around, and we’re going to learn more about that, I think, in a minute. So next question. What is your favorite way to transition from a busy time to downtime?
Paulette Rigo [00:00:39]:
Well, I have two, but my favorite would be to go down the hall outside, go out in the backyard, walk out to the dock and go out on the boat and jump in the lake.
Amy Stone [00:00:50]:
Fantastic. Fantastic. I love that. Out on the boat, into the middle of the lake, jump in. That sounds great. All right, topic of the day. Not how wonderful it is to live by a lake, but surviving high conflict divorce, specifically yours and how your divorce changed the course of your life. So I wanted to say that I’m sure that there’s a lot of people who are listening who have their own divorce stories that they compare yours to and whenever. And so that’s why this will hopefully be a very inspiring and helpful story for many, many people to, to here we’re going to talk about the details of your divorce. Whenever I talk to people about dissolving their marriage, I like to actually back up and talk about the start of the relationship first because it puts everything in context, what kind of situation we were ending. So where did you and your ex first meet?
Paulette Rigo [00:01:45]:
Well, I was 17. That should say a lot.
Amy Stone [00:01:50]:
You were young.
Paulette Rigo [00:01:51]:
I was young. I just turned 17. I was at a nightclub with my older sister. I don’t quite know how I got in, but it was 1981 and they didn’t really card people back then. I was 5 foot 8 and acted. And, you know, I think the drinking age was 18 or 19 or 20 at the time. So, yeah, somehow I snuck in with my older sister. They carded her and not me, and I was there. She was home visiting for the weekend. And yeah, he asked me to dance to youo Shook Me All Night Long.
Amy Stone [00:02:27]:
Okay.
Paulette Rigo [00:02:30]:
Yeah. And before I knew it, yeah, we were dating.
Amy Stone [00:02:34]:
Very, very nice. Those were different times. Those were different times when they didn’t part everybody that came in the door. And I love the way you reflected back and you’re like, this definitely happened. But I will admit I don’t understand. I don’t understand how I got in a nightclub. I don’t understand why anybody was letting me in that nightclub. But it definitely happened.
Paulette Rigo [00:02:56]:
It did. It was a cold night. I remember standing in line thinking, and I had braces, and I was terrified to smile. So, you know, I gave one of these smiles. If you’re, you know, like.
Amy Stone [00:03:07]:
Yeah, no, absolutely, I have one of those.
Paulette Rigo [00:03:09]:
I didn’t show my teeth right.
Amy Stone [00:03:10]:
Yep, yep. Every. Yep. Every picture of me in high school.
Paulette Rigo [00:03:14]:
I was too young to be here. But, you know, I also was taught as a young woman to just always act like I knew where I was. I was supposed to be there. And when you act like you’re supposed to be somewhere, you know, magic happens.
Amy Stone [00:03:25]:
So that is that and holding a clipboard in your hand. Those are two ways to look like you belong. Exactly. So you’re young, you meet him at a nightclub and having a good time, you date, you get married. How long. How long Was this marriage?
Paulette Rigo [00:03:43]:
21 years.
Amy Stone [00:03:44]:
21 years. That’s a very long marriage. Okay, that’s. I mean, you know, listen, I have a. I have a. What I think is a reasonable concept of the permanence of relationships in 20 years is a long time. So. All right, so I have had the fortune to talk to many people who have had what I will call civil separations. I don’t think I’ve ever met anybody who would say that they enjoyed the process of getting a divorce. Even if you are nice to the people and even if it goes in the very, very best way, the process itself of separating after you’ve been together for even a short amount of is complicated, tedious, unpleasant, even on the best of the days. So the little I know about your divorce that you gave me on the intake form, it does sound like this was quite an ordeal. So share with us some of the high points of the length and process that it took you that you guys were involved in going in dissoluting, dissolving this relationship.
Paulette Rigo [00:04:47]:
Well, I came from a background where growing up Catholic, we weren’t just to talk about divorce. Divorce was sort of a taboo. You know, there was quite a stigma. My grandmother had divorced my mother’s father when my mother was six months old. I was told I didn’t meet him until I was 15. That’s a whole nother 15,000 hour podcast. But so I always had this vision that divorce was quick and simple. Right. She did eventually get remarried when My mother was 14. And that’s a whole nother 9,000 hour discussion. But. So you. You have. You Come into a divorce with a story is my point. Right. My father’s parents stayed married because he died at 50. So, you know, that’s easy. So.
Amy Stone [00:05:43]:
She laughs. She laughs. The reason this was easy is death.
Paulette Rigo [00:05:47]:
Yeah. When they’re dead, you can’t divorce them. So. And I’m not pro. Divorce everyone. Deep breath. And not by any means. I love marriage, I love life, I love connection and relationships, but it is a fact of life and it’s a $50 billion industry. And don’t get me started. But. So I came into this marriage with good intention. As you know, I was 17 when we met, 22, turning 23 when I met. When we married, he was 24, turning 25. And I thought dating seven years was, you know, plenty of time. Right. My father was an intellectual and insisted I graduate from college. My mother was a ballerina and was devastated that I wanted to go to college. Wanted me to go right into a tutu and a rhinestone tiara. So we dated through the college thing. I had actually had a boyfriend when I met him, he told me to break up with him. I did. So I took a few months, but that was a long distance relationship from the summers. But I found myself embroiled, engaged in this very large family, and it consumed my life. I came from a very small family. My mother was an only child. I had no cousins on that side. My father only had one brother, so I had four cousins. We saw them, you know, at Thanksgiving, that kind of thing. So I didn’t really have this large extended family. My family was my mother’s business. She owned a ballet studio. And I literally, not figuratively, grew up in a ballet studio. So I knew hundreds of young girls and of course, friends at school and all that. But I really just had this fantasy that getting married was something on my checklist of things to do. So he was the first one to ask. He didn’t actually ask. He told me to marry him. It was more like a command. He just said, marry me. I won’t tell you how I responded. It’s a G rated. Well, it was a sarcastic 1980 something to say. It was pouring rain and we were walking out of a restaurant and he handed me a box and said, marry me. Yeah. And I never really responded. When we got to the car, he said, well, aren’t you going to call your parents? So I did. And I said, he asked me to marry him. And they were like, oh, yay. So I thought, oh, well, they’re all really excited. I think I’m supposed to Be really excited too, right? And I was very overwhelmed, confused. But I was, you know, graduating from college, and I had that pretty little piece of paper, you know, saying that I was a college graduate and didn’t really know what I wanted to do with my life. But it was on my list of things to do. So. Bought a pink wedding dress. I look like Glinda the Good Witch. I had strawberry blonde hair and a very big, puffy pink dress. I came down in my little bubble, literally, you know, like the wedding. I mean, like the Glinda, you know, from the wizard of Oz. Everyone, if you’re like, who the hell is Glinda? So, yeah, so I walked down the aisle, and as I remember my father saying to me, you know, Paulette, when you walk down this aisle, you’re going to be Mrs. Fill in the Blank. And I said to him, I know, Dad, I know. Isn’t that like. I felt defeated?
Amy Stone [00:09:29]:
Yeah.
Paulette Rigo [00:09:30]:
And I was too afraid to speak my mind, to speak up.
Amy Stone [00:09:33]:
All right, so there’s a lot to unpack there. So the origin story that you have, you grew up in a household with faith, Catholic faith, where the presumption is that people get Even today in 2025, the. The doctrine of Catholicism is that you marry. You marry once, you stay married until death. One of my jokes that I have when I’m talking to people about divorce is you don’t need to ask your priest what he thinks about divorce. You know, it’s hard coded into the rules of the religion, right? It’s like, it’s like, we don’t know, right? We know, we know that he doesn’t prescribe it. So you grow up with that message. But I think it’s really common. Your wedding sounds like it could be a scene out of Wedding Singer, the movie with Adam Sandler, just based on the timing, the 1980s, that kind. That kind of thing. So I think that’s a brilliant sort of thing. But you, you talk now, more than 20 years in the future about some things that sound like a power disparity between you and your then boyfriend. He was telling you were getting married, he told you to break up with your boyfriend, and that you didn’t feel like you could speak up even on the wedding day. The first question I have about that is, do you think that you were aware actually at the time that you had those feelings? Or is that something you see looking in the rearview mirror? Because, you know, I have been married, and one of the things that happens is that it is confusing and it is overwhelming, but it’s hard to decipher in the moment because people tell you that that’s going to happen like so in a good, not so good, great, crappy situation. The same description can be there.
Paulette Rigo [00:11:11]:
Yeah, well, I broke up with him when we were, I think I was. I just turned 20 and because I felt, well, I wasn’t ready to get married and I had had a, a relationship, I would call it a weekend dalliance, as my therapist called it, with my sister’s husband’s cousin at Thanksgiving. And I thought, oh, there’s more to life. Maybe, maybe I’m not meant for this person. And I’m, you know, I’m still in college and I was studying journalism, working in tv, radio, media, teaching dance part time, working at a radio station and kind of enjoying life, but still, you know, young. And I was modeling part time and kind of living the 20 year old life. And so I remember getting off the train from New York and he picked me up and I had to be honest with him, I said, you know, I think I’m not ready to be in a relationship. There might be someone else. And we ended up getting back together and again, how much time do we have? But. So it was a confusing time in my life where 80% of me knew it was wrong, but 20% of me knew I didn’t have a choice. I wasn’t the type of person, woman, young girl, to break the mold I was. I let everyone else make their decision, my decisions for me because if they didn’t work out, I wouldn’t be to blame. It felt as if having other people make my decisions for me meant that it was easier that I would be accepted and loved and cherished and honored and worshiped and you know, just it would be, it would be easier and smoother sailing to go with the flow instead of creating that, you know, I really don’t want to be whatever. I didn’t even know what I wanted at that point. So yeah, it was, it was very confusing. There was a part of me that knew I needed something different, but I didn’t have the confidence and self awareness to verbalize that.
Amy Stone [00:13:19]:
I think it’s interesting, one of the parallels is, or one of the, the through lines that I see as someone who’s way outside of your story is the connection to your mom and the ballet and the ballet studio. Because ballet is art and it’s considered expression. It’s also very rigorous and there is a set formula to follow. It’s like this is the way we do this. And then, and so that I can see how there would be a very strong message of the path to success is. Is doing what you are told to do the best way you can do it.
Paulette Rigo [00:13:54]:
Well, it was even deeper than that, though, Amy, because when you grow up in a family where your grandmother is Pauline and your mother is Paulette and your father is Paul, and you have two sisters that are much older than you that are Pauline and Paula, but yet you are called Paulette Jr. And the business is Paulette’s Ballet Studio. You are now the golden child. And you are personified in your entire reason for existing is to keep the legacy of the Paul, Paulette, Pauline, Paula, Paulette thing. So at the age of four, I was called, you know, little Paulette, and it eventually became Paulette Jr. When I became taller than the other people in the family. So there was a legacy element. And every day when I would see that on the marquee, going to the studio, I’d be like, I. Oh, okay. I guess that’s my destiny. No, I loved to dance. I happened to be okay at it. I was, you know, never going to be, you know, in the New York City Ballet or Joffrey. I’m built like Marilyn Monroe, not an anorexic ballerina. So hence modeling worked and dance was not really my thing. When I put on pointe shoes, I was six foot one. So, you know, and male ballerinas are five foot something and a size negative zero. And I was a four or six and, you know, voluptuous. So it didn’t really match my Persona nor my personality. But the message was, never let them see you sweat. The show must go on and be a trooper.
Amy Stone [00:15:34]:
Okay, so that shows up in your marriage.
Paulette Rigo [00:15:36]:
Mm. Always I was just. I wore, you know, I put on my lipstick and I entertained and I gave really good hugs and wrote wonderful thank you notes and loved to cook and clean and diaper babies. And I realized, wait, how did I get here? My summary that I talk about in my book, which I don’t talk about so much, but I do discuss this song by Talking Heads. And it’s. There’s a. Where David Burns is speaking in his very foreboding, eloquent voice with the resonance to it. This isn’t my beautiful house. This isn’t my beautiful wife. How did I get here? I don’t have his voice, so I just butchered it. But listen to the song, ladies. Yeah, it’s called Once in a Lifetime.
Amy Stone [00:16:33]:
I think I had the lyrics to that wrong in my head. So he says, this isn’t My beautiful house. I always say, this isn’t my beautiful life. He says wife.
Paulette Rigo [00:16:40]:
He says. He says wife.
Amy Stone [00:16:42]:
Yeah, I totally. You know how that thing is that you can listen to me, you know.
Paulette Rigo [00:16:45]:
Now you’re making me question it, Amy. I heard wife. It could very well be life. I’m not changing his lyrics, but I interpreted that. And I remember it being in my minivan, getting the mail across the street. And I always listen to the radio on full. Being a dance teacher, my kids were like, oh, my God, Mommy always listens to the music so loud. Because I was always choreographing dances in my head while I was dancing. And I would pump the brakes to the beat. And I was a fun mom, you know, I was always like, go dance. They would always say, drive crazy, Mom. And I would do the steering wheel, like the music. And, you know, I was a fun mom. A little too fun sometimes, but. So I remember hearing that. And they weren’t in the car when this memory happened. I think I dropped them off at school. I was coming back from the grocery store and I could hear him with the speakers as I crossed the street. And I heard him say it as I’m looking at the house. And it was just terrifying. Like, how did I get here?
Amy Stone [00:17:49]:
So that experience of the waking up in a situation where you question how you got there is something that is. It shows up a lot in the stories of transformation and choices that I get to share. And it can happen for a variety of reasons where something happens that gives you the chance to reflect on. It’s like, whoa, this is not, I thought what I thought I was building, but I think that one of the things. So let’s regroup. You build a life together. So you graduate with a degree in journalism, you are building a career, you become a dance teacher.
Paulette Rigo [00:18:23]:
Yes, I was in the dorm sophomore year and the phone rang. And my mother always started every sentence with would you be good enough? Or sometimes would you be a dear? But the sentence went something like, would you be good enough to sub Penny’s classes for her while she’s out on maternity leave? And she used to teach three jazz classes on Tuesdays. A 4:30, a 5:30, and a 6:30. And I said, well, I’ve got a class on Thursday afternoon. It would be really hard for me to get there in time. She goes, well, call your teacher, see if you can change it. So 20 years later, I was still there. And I don’t do anything half assed if I’m going to do it. So I helped her grow the business from about 150 students back in 1982 to when I left in 2002. I finally put up my. I said, I love you, but I can’t do this anymore. Yeah. So I wasn’t a conscious decision. But yes, I went from teaching three classes a week to 21 years co directing and basically running the business with her.
Amy Stone [00:19:30]:
So this is really interesting because you were on one path and then you really were in a position where you allowed other people to direct you into these parts of your life that you had almost stepped out of. And so that is really interesting. But you do build a life. You are married for 20 years. You mentioned that there are children. So you have children. You step into what you describe as a big family and you say that running, you know, running the house and being the wife and the mother in that family was consuming. And it can be.
Paulette Rigo [00:20:09]:
Right.
Amy Stone [00:20:09]:
It’s an enormous amount of work to run a household. Something that people really, really don’t necessarily understand. Especially if you come from something that’s a small family, you have no consc. Concept of how much work it is.
Paulette Rigo [00:20:22]:
Yeah, I didn’t mind the work. I’m a very hard worker. I never say die, never say quit, and I do everything full throttle. It’s just I’m, you know, I enjoy. I’m an enthusiastic person. I embrace life wholeheartedly. But it wasn’t the work. It was the resentment that I slowly bubbled up when I felt that it was an obligation and it was expected and. And there was no. Yeah, it. It just felt like, wow, if I didn’t do this or live this type of expectation, what would happen? You know, there was. There wasn’t a lot of collaboration or congruent goal seeking. It was expected.
Amy Stone [00:21:08]:
So you use the word resentment. I think resentment is a really, really interesting thing because resentment shows up like anger, feels like anger, but deep down underneath, it’s almost always rooted in unmet desires. Like, so resentment. Yeah, Resentment grows when we’re not doing something or being heard about something that is, you know, that we crave. And so it’s a confusing situation to be in because we direct our resentment, sometimes very off, frequently out towards other people like that. And what sometimes it requires is looking in and saying, wait a minute, what is the thing that’s not being met here? What am I not getting to do? What is not happening? All right, so without getting too personal, share with us some of the things that led to the divorce. To be together 20 years. This is something that confuses people. A Lot of times, like, well, if you were together 20 years, why didn’t you just stay together forever? Like, what were some of the things that tipped the scale that you guys were like, no, this has to stop. We do not. We’re not good together.
Paulette Rigo [00:22:08]:
Well, my whole life felt like it wasn’t my life. I felt like I was being an actress and I was pretty good at it. Even my best friend said, I had no idea I had to quit the job and remove myself from the relationship. But I couldn’t do both things at the same time. And I said to myself, which one will be easier? Which one will give me greater courage, muscles to be able to do the harder? So I decided to quit the job first. That was a difficult thing. A friend of mine, Paula, who passed away, I remember she said, she said, what’s new? I said, oh, I quit my job. And she said, wait, you quit your mother?
Amy Stone [00:22:49]:
Right, because it’s a family business.
Paulette Rigo [00:22:50]:
Yeah, I kind of did. Anyway, she’s passed away of breast cancer, God rest her soul. But so I remember that conversation, and it was a big revelation for me. But that six years between quitting the job and then filing for divorce did allow me. And I had umbilical hernia surgery. And that umbilical hernia surgery happened in October and six weeks, September. And then I quit in October. And that six weeks on the couch allowed me the privacy, the solitude, the self study to realize that if I did not make a change in my life, it would be bad. I was very depressed. I would even say suicidal. I felt lost. I didn’t feel angry. I felt very melancholy, reminiscent, nostalgic. I wanted my life back. I wanted to start over. And I realized if I didn’t change something in my life, I’d be 95 years old and resentful. Or I drive my car off the bridge. I was really thinking about escapism. How do I get out of this trap that I have created? It was completely my fault. And I started to take. I didn’t blame anyone else. I mean, there were times I’d be like, oh, my God, they talked me into this. And then I said, yeah. But I acquiesced and agreed. I did not know the word no. I did not have the word no in my vocabulary. I never said no to anyone for any reason. I just said, yep, absolutely, don’t worry about it. I got you covered. I’ll teach that class. I’ll make those costumes. I’ll host Christmas. I’ll do whatever I needed to do just to get through it. So that six years gave me the courage to file for divorce. The first mistake I made was to trust my spouse to do the right thing. I went back to my grandmother divorcing her husband and I thought, well, it was easy for her. She just went down to the courthouse, filed for divorce and you know, I mean, I don’t know the ins and outs of what happened in 1929 or 27, but I’m sure it wasn’t as easy as she painted. So yes, I did finally get the courage to file for divorce. We ended up in an eight and a half year, fully litigated divorce case that included a 12 day trial. The 12 day trial took place over nine months. I assumed if there would be a 12 day trial. And by the way, they never tell you that, that if it were, it would be Monday to Friday, Monday to Friday and Monday, Tuesday. But no, no, no, it doesn’t happen that way. It happens over a very long period of time, which also leads to more convoluted, evil, manipulative game playing. So prior to that though, I just assumed that we’d go through the normal mediation discovery process and come up with a settlement agreement. But it was not the case. Of course, there was two years of preparation to even get to the beginning of the trial. As I mentioned, all the normal, boring, traditional, forgive the word, normal discovery process, plaintiff, defendant, lawsuit discovery, domestic relations, financial affidavit, and all the normal documentation that is required of the law. Of course, I didn’t even know that was required. I thought, gosh, this is so complicated and judicial and legal and icky. No one killed anyone. What’s the big deal people, let’s move on with it. But I was very fortunate to have been connected to a very experienced family law attorney through my father’s financial advisor. When I went to him and I said, I think this is going to be tough, he goes, I know who you should call. And my father had passed away, so it was kind of the way of my father sending me this message. And my mother’s maiden name was Martin and my attorney’s name was Martin, his first name. I thought, this is something hugely karmic. And then my great grandmother’s name was Regina and my ex husband’s attorney’s name was Regina. So I thought, there’s some interesting layers of karma here. Then of course, the judge made his decision, which took an additional nine months. I didn’t know a judge could take nine months to deliberate a family law issue, but he did. And then once the judge made his decision, my Ex husband did not like the judge’s decision so he appealed it on 17 counts which went an additional four years in state appellant Supreme Court. So for about eight and a half years, call it a decade, my life was monopolized by the judicial legal system. I learned more than I knew was even possible. I took copious notes while I was in court. I wanted to learn everything about the judicial legal system and family court. I did learn the hard way that it is a $50 billion industry.
Amy Stone [00:27:58]:
Divorce. Is it? Yeah.
Paulette Rigo [00:27:59]:
Watch the documentary Divorce Corp. Like corporation, if you’re at all curious about that. And it’s an old documentary, so the statistics are probably not accurate. It might be much closer to 60 or 70 billion.
Amy Stone [00:28:14]:
I was, yeah, that’s 70 billion is the number that I’ve heard recently. Which what’s fun about that number as a statistic is it’s almost equal to the size of the wedding industry. So it’s super industry that the wedding industry as a market or as an industry and as a vertical is equal size to the industry of divorce. And it’s also very interesting when you’re outside of it. You said something at the beginning which I think is really relevant to people, as relevant today in 2025 as it would have been in 1975. We don’t train people before they get married or before they commit to relationships on the mechanics and the procedures for unwinding the decisions we’re making. So like we sell as a culture the party of a wedding. Right. Like you’re deciding to get married. It’s like a wedding, it’s a party, it’s presents, it’s all of these things. It’s happy, happy, joy, joy. It’s houses and babies and all of those things. Very few people have the knowledge going into that for what the mechanics are and of how you will, you will be unwinding that. And it’s not just divorce, it’s also widow if you’re widowed. Right. Those two situations are where. And it’s not totally gender specific. Like we always hear this from women, but happens to men too. It’s like a two by four to the head. It’s like, oh, I don’t know how this system works. And family court and divorce, which you’re an expert in and I’m not. But it is a system. And if you don’t know what’s going on or who the players are or the vocabulary or the things, it’s, you know, you hear it all the time, you hear it all the time that people get like Swept up into it in negative waves. And so much so that it’s become like some parts of culture where they make movies. Like, you know, in the 90s there was a movie like the, the Roses, right. It’s like a satire about a high conflict divorce. So I think that all of that is very good. So you, you went into this, you, so you initiate, you’re the person who files for divorce, but you think that like. And did you know people at that time who you knew through social things that had been divorced? Like, do you have any exposure at all to people you knew, girlfriends who had your age, contemporaries who had gone through divorce?
Paulette Rigo [00:30:32]:
No, But I do want to just add one sort of caveat to that. Most people go into marriage thinking it’s about address a tuxedo and a party. But marriage is a legal binding contract, and we don’t know that. We need to re. Educate the young generation that entering into marriage is a legal binding contract. And for whatever reason, if the marriage does not end, and we all go into it hoping and wishing and praying that it does, but for whatever reason, you know, 50% or half of first marriages do ultimately, at some point in the marriage, end in divorce. And, and the statistics are worse for second and third marriages, about 63 and 72%. But we do go into it thinking it is just this romantic notion. But if for whatever reason it ends, the only way to sever or untie the knot or untangle the knotted ball of yarn is to enter into yet another legal binding contract known as a divorce. And whether you’re in a community property state or an equitable division state in the US and of course Canada, uk and every country has its own, shall we say, jurisdiction. But yeah, don’t think of it as this, you know, it’s not about a dress and a party. If you want to buy a dress, let’s just go buy a damn dress.
Amy Stone [00:31:47]:
Right, Exactly.
Paulette Rigo [00:31:47]:
You can have the party, I’ll buy you the dress. Don’t worry about it. So. But it is very, very important. So, yeah, so I am the plaintiff. We were, you know, hoping to mediate. That’s a, that’s a long conversation how that happened. But, so, yes, I find the attorney. I’m the plaintiff, he’s the defendant. And yeah, eight and a half years.
Amy Stone [00:32:08]:
Ago, so did you, you. So this is, this is a pragmatic question. You can tell me to buzz off if it doesn’t matter. Today in the state where I live, they want you to try mediation before.
Paulette Rigo [00:32:18]:
It’S required in all 50 states.
Amy Stone [00:32:20]:
Actually. Okay, so did you. When you like. So the just highlight mechanics like, you file, you hire an attorney, you know, you want to dissolve, you file.
Paulette Rigo [00:32:30]:
That’s not how it works.
Amy Stone [00:32:31]:
Okay, so how did you.
Paulette Rigo [00:32:34]:
Since the pandemic, the court systems have realized not all 50 states simultaneously the value of mandating mediation. But there’s three types of mediation. A court appointed private mediation with attorneys present, and private mediation without attorneys present. So let’s go back to the traditional model of court appointed or registered mediators, if you’re litigating.
Amy Stone [00:33:01]:
So wait, I just want to. I want to ask what you did.
Paulette Rigo [00:33:04]:
All right. I’m trying to explain what we did because back then it was different. It has evolved because, you know, God, I mean, I’m remarried now, almost eight years, and things changed a lot. So. But back in the day, there were not differential areas of mediation like there are now. So we decided at the kitchen table that we would mediate. So he said, I found a mediator. And I said, great, awesome. He made the appointment. I remember her name. And it was about a half an hour drive. And we went, drove to the mediators media meeting or a brick and mortar office back when the days before virtual everything was actually, you know, you drove places, remember those days? And there was a big conference table and her name was Ann. And I remember her, she was very kind and she said, nice to meet you, Paulette. Nice to meet you. And we both filled out our paperwork. And of course I had the one A, which was maybe four pieces of paper, and he had the large one. I had worked part time on paper from my mom, but the last six years I had been stay at home mom and hadn’t been working. And I had no access to anything, not even the tax returns, knew nothing. And I kind of like that it that way, you know, remember, let everyone else make my decisions for me. Remember that little, you know, oops, oops, I did it again. Britney Spears thing. Oops, I did that again. Shouldn’t have done that. And then he had the longer form. So she said, here’s a pen. Why don’t you both take a few moments to fill out this, you know, application. I don’t know.
Amy Stone [00:34:44]:
Yeah, it’s like, usually it’s like a worksheet. Like they give you. Yeah, they give you a workshop.
Paulette Rigo [00:34:48]:
She didn’t call it a worksheet though. But yeah, more subtle, shall we say, was sort of a demographic. You know, name, address, date of birth, employment, name of children, you know, basically demographics. And his was all the financials and the Business entities and all that. And I filled out mine, and I don’t know, six minutes gave her back. And I said, thank you very much. And he doesn’t have the greatest penmanship. It didn’t really want to fill it out. And. And he kind of was, like, scribbling and. And he’d kind of look at it. And, you know, I think I went to the ladies room and came back and got a cup of coffee or water or something. And he still hadn’t finished it. Then at least made a Boy Scout attempted filling it out. Not picking on the Boy Scouts, but, you know, like, honest effort, you know. And he said, you know, I’m going to need to take this home because I don’t even know all this information, and I’m going to have to look it up, and, you know, I’m going to have to talk to my brothers to help me fill this out. And she was like, okay, that’s fine. You can do that. And so we left a $2,500 retainer for the mediation. And we made another appointment a few weeks later to reconvene when the paperwork was filled out. And he never filled it out.
Amy Stone [00:36:08]:
Right.
Paulette Rigo [00:36:08]:
I actually.
Amy Stone [00:36:09]:
I wondered.
Paulette Rigo [00:36:10]:
I got a letter in the mail back from her with the retainer. Hello. Returned.
Amy Stone [00:36:17]:
Okay.
Paulette Rigo [00:36:17]:
And she sent me a little note, and she said, good luck. You’re gonna need it.
Amy Stone [00:36:22]:
Yeah. So that’s actually. So that’s one of the random factoids I have stuffed away in my brain, is that.
Paulette Rigo [00:36:29]:
And it turns out that she was a friend of the attorney he had already been speaking with.
Amy Stone [00:36:34]:
So it was a circular.
Paulette Rigo [00:36:36]:
Yeah. And there was a reason we had to drive so far because it was a friend of the attorney. And I know that because when he was in the shower, I snooped through his wallet, and there was a business card with the attorney’s name, and on the back of it were all the appointments that he had gone to there. He wasn’t even convoluted enough to hide that. So I already knew. I said, have you seen an attorney? Because I hadn’t. I had not seen an attorney. I would tell you. I have no secret.
Amy Stone [00:37:03]:
No, I believe you.
Paulette Rigo [00:37:03]:
And he said, no. And I said, are you sure? And he goes to Paulette, I haven’t seen anyone. And I said, do you want to know her name? I knew her name because I knew it was a woman. And he stormed out of the room.
Amy Stone [00:37:18]:
And so that’s how it escalates. Okay. So you’re talking to him at this time. You’re like, I want to be. And you’re living in the same house. So one of the top reasons that mediation fails is that one of the people will not participate. And so it just doesn’t work. Like for mediation to work, both people have to come to the table and be willing to do it.
Paulette Rigo [00:37:36]:
Yes and no. And as a credentialed private family mediator specializing in alternative media dispute resolution myself now, after having lived all this and you know, I’m over it, healed, I’m, you know, happily remarried and all. But it is possible if you can frame the mediation, that the person that doesn’t want to cooperate feels entitled and exploitive and lack of empathy. Those are the three E’s that they will benefit from mediation more than their spouse will benefit and that they will be harmed less than their spouse will be harmed. If they believe that prep mediation will benefit them, they will engage. Now they may not be willing to disclose any and everything, but that doesn’t mean you can’t create a settlement offer. So there’s some strategy to that, but it’s not quite as black and white as that. You can still benefit from mediation even if one or both parties are. Yeah. Chip on their shoulder. Yeah.
Amy Stone [00:38:39]:
So you end up going to court and this takes a decade of your life and you say that this process changed everything about your life.
Paulette Rigo [00:38:53]:
Everything.
Amy Stone [00:38:54]:
And so tell me more about what that means.
Paulette Rigo [00:38:59]:
Well, you know, the psychological, mental, emotional, physical, sexual, spiritual side of marriage. Not the judicial, legal, financial, residential lending, insurance and taxes and co parenting side of marriage. But if you go to the woo woo side or the emotional side, I changed everything. My diet, my lifestyle, the people I hung out with. Slowly it was an exfoliation of the soul and of the body and the mind. I became an Eryt 500 and experienced regular registered yoga teacher with over 500 hours of training. It’s now 2000. I became a macrobiotic cook. I started studying cooking and eating and acid and alkaline and lifestyle. I studied ayurvedic lifestyle. I became a birth doula, a lactation consultant. I really studied life and people. I became a constant learner. So I changed every aspect of my lifestyle. I still shaved my legs. I didn’t wear tie dye boho bell bottoms and hang out in Harvard Square. And you know, I’d still was me. I never was fake about who I was, but I never took the time, nor did I want to take the time to understand more about what made me happy. And I delved into that as a person. And then on the other side, I learned Everything I could about the judicial system, finances, real estate, mortgages, taxes, health insurance, co parenting, guardian at Litens, everything on the spreadsheet side of divorce. I was a copious note taker, as my attorney said. And I became an asset to the firm and really took ownership of understanding how I got where I got. And it ended up becoming a very rare situation where literally hundreds at the time of people started to reach out to me because of the other careers I’d had. I hung out with a lot of women. Ballet, modeling, yoga, babies breastfeeding. You get cooking, you know, like, I knew a lot of chicks, you know, and they. They reached out to me. I got letters. My doorbell rang. I was teaching yoga teacher trainings at the time, and birthing. And the conversation would usually start with, are you okay? Why is this taking so long? I thought he was a good guy. Like, it was always like this mystification. But I knew that every conversation, when there was a reach out, it started to end with, can you help me?
Amy Stone [00:41:52]:
Okay, so we’re gonna come back to that in a second. Cause I think that there’s a. So you. I mean, it sounds like. I mean, this was a huge part of your life. And I can see how you were. It was you. There was. Your choice was to either be swept along by the court proceedings or become an expert in the process for yourself. And that makes sense to me. At some point, though, you, like, actually, like, sep. You like. It ends and you move.
Paulette Rigo [00:42:17]:
Yes, it did end as far as the. The court proceeding.
Amy Stone [00:42:22]:
Right.
Paulette Rigo [00:42:23]:
Then there are four years of appellant court.
Amy Stone [00:42:25]:
Okay, so. But after you get your first judgment.
Paulette Rigo [00:42:28]:
Yeah, you.
Amy Stone [00:42:29]:
You. You’re like, all right, thank you, and I’m out of here for at least a little while. And you. That’s when you moved to Belize, I think. I guess.
Paulette Rigo [00:42:37]:
No, I did not move.
Amy Stone [00:42:38]:
Okay.
Paulette Rigo [00:42:39]:
Until the appeals process was over.
Amy Stone [00:42:42]:
Okay. So I have the time that.
Paulette Rigo [00:42:44]:
That opportunity hadn’t even reached my radar or heart at the time. I had every intention of staying in Massachusetts, you know, until the children were. And by now they’re all adults.
Amy Stone [00:42:59]:
You know, that’s what I was gonna ask. So when you.
Paulette Rigo [00:43:01]:
My children were. They were adults when we divorced. So at that point, they were all. Two were in college and one was about to be. So no, I was offered. I started traveling and speaking at events and really learning a lot about just becoming an entrepreneur because I started my own registered yoga school and then yoga teacher trainings and retreat centers. And then. So I started studying more about not just having a brick and Mortar ballet school because I didn’t want to do that. Please don’t make me wear tights. So I wanted something different and I couldn’t quite envision what that was. So I started traveling more. And of course I’m allergic to snow. No anger towards the weather in Boston, but I hate it. And that was one of the things that made our marriage very uncomfortable to too is because I didn’t want to stay in a cold climate. And he didn’t really either, but he was kind of married to his family’s business, which is, you know, having to do with cold weather. So we were, I was kind of trapped in this cold weather, like dreary, gray, bone chilling, raw, horrendous weather. Winters that last from, you know, November to May and there are summers or, you know, anyway, it’s just not my idea of a good time. So there was always this angst about, you know, when the kids get older, I would want to move and, you know, that was just, you know, wasn’t going to happen. So I was really excited about the opportunity to travel. I had never really traveled as a young girl. I had only traveled in the country and only been to the UK once with my parents at the 20. So I always had this yearning to travel and adventure and write and teach and coach and mentor and all the things I’d been doing with yoga and ballet and modeling and I always mentored young women and I enjoyed it, witnessing them blossom. So as I started to uncover my own passions, which I didn’t know what they were, I ended up being offered a position to run, own, direct and manage a 2,600 square foot aerial yoga teacher training and retreat center in Belize.
Amy Stone [00:45:31]:
Oh, beautiful.
Paulette Rigo [00:45:32]:
So I signed a two year contract with the hotel resort for two years. So I ended up selling everything. This is after the divorce was final and the appeals process was final and the settlement was over and the kids were all adults and situated and. And so I moved to Belize and lived there three years. Yeah. So that was after the divorce was final and then that’s a long story, but ended up transitioning back to the States and that has really just become sort of an investment or a place where we go and visit.
Amy Stone [00:46:10]:
Yeah. So I think it’s very interesting though because that does. It is a physical representation in your life, a change that is so dramatic and obvious to outsiders that you were.
Paulette Rigo [00:46:22]:
Oh, everyone thought I was crazy.
Amy Stone [00:46:24]:
Yeah. And it’s really.
Paulette Rigo [00:46:24]:
What is she smoking?
Amy Stone [00:46:26]:
Yeah, you’re really doing something different and moving you out of the geography of where the other part of your life was, you come back, you are in the South. You’re building a new life. This, even though this is like a really, really dramatic, high conflict, litigated divorce, it doesn’t turn you off of relationships forever. You do go on. And we don’t have to go in detail with this, but just a note. In your life, you remarry, and you sound very happy in your relationship. It’s to me as an outsider. So you live in the south now. Tell us a little bit about your life today, the current stuff that you’re doing and what you do.
Paulette Rigo [00:47:10]:
Well, I figured out that divorce is a big problem, and I wanted to be a disruptor. It irritated me. Dare I say it pissed me off. That’s a Boston phrase, to see so many people destroy their lives, allow the judicial legal system destroy their families and their finances and take over. I didn’t know there was an option. I mean, we tried it. We tried it, Right?
Amy Stone [00:47:38]:
It sounds like you tried it.
Paulette Rigo [00:47:39]:
A good college try, as my dad used to say. Right. But there’s. It’s. And I’m changing it. So I decided to call my attorney. I said, I don’t know what to do, but people keep reaching out to me, should I go to law school? And he, in his very Boston accent, he’s very tall and bald and broad, and his name is Martin. And when you’re from Boston and your name is Martin, it’s Maddie. So I said to Maddie, you have to say it like that, or he doesn’t. You know, what should I do? People keep reaching out to me and asking me for help. And he goes, you know, Paulette, you owe it to give back. You think like a judge, you act like a lawyer, but you feel like a therapist. And a tear rolled down my cheek.
Amy Stone [00:48:28]:
Okay.
Paulette Rigo [00:48:29]:
And it was a longer conversation, the gist of it. And I did not go to law school. But he introduced me to a woman named Deborah Block, and she was kind of leaving the industry. She was probably one of the first divorce coaches from Concord, Massachusetts. And I just sort of studied and said, wait, there’s a. There’s like, people, help. I’m like, how come I didn’t have one of these? Like, hello. So I did a tremendous amount of education and training and certification and mentoring and interning, which led me to become a credentialed private family mediator specializing in alternative disposition, dispute resolution. And I’m a certified divorce coach, which helps one of the parties if they’re litigating through high conflict, antagonistic cases. That Typically go to trial and even appeals court. And I’m the director of coaching and case management for a company called Divorce Right, which matches employees with EAP programs with the right divorce professionals so they can keep up their protection activity at work.
Amy Stone [00:49:37]:
Wow.
Paulette Rigo [00:49:39]:
Academy authored number one best selling book, workbook, audiobook, and soon to be released Better Divorce Blueprint. And I host the Better Divorce podcast. I speak every day, I coach every day. I mediate six to ten cases a month based on how complicated they are, whether they need me one month, three months or six months. I mediate privately so that people can avoid court, save an average of 40 to $70,000 in unnecessary legal fees, divorce swiftly without ever stepping foot in a courtroom with grace and dignity and wisdom.
Amy Stone [00:50:15]:
So you dropped a number in there that I have heard many, many times that I’m just going to call back out because people don’t often believe me. Like, I mean, I’m not the person who’s an expert, but I’ve read this and I’ve seen it and it’s one of the things that I think that does shock people and should shock people. Right. So we know that weddings are expensive. That’s like a thing that we know, but think that most people don’t realize that the, the cost of a divorce in the United states is between 40 and $70,000.
Paulette Rigo [00:50:43]:
And that’s an average because if you.
Amy Stone [00:50:45]:
Take, well, that’s important because like, if you like, if it’s an average, that means there’s a lot that are significantly more than that.
Paulette Rigo [00:50:56]:
If you take the average billable an hour, like billable fee, whether that be $300 an hour, $400 an hour, $500 an hour. The lowest I’m hearing now is about 175, $200. Fresh out of law school, don’t know what they’re doing, you know, just coming on. And then of course, New York City, Boston, Louisiana, you know, Miami, we’re talking 675, 700, right?
Amy Stone [00:51:19]:
Yeah.
Paulette Rigo [00:51:20]:
So let’s just go with the math. Is an exact, my dear, at a good time, let’s be conservative and say it’s $300 an hour. Well, the average billable monthly amount of billable hours is 10. So if you take $300 an hour times 10amonth’s worth of billing, that’s $3,000 a month for spouse A and $3,000 a month for Spouse B. Now we’re up to $6,000. Now the average litigated case is somewhere between eight and 24 months. Let’s just take 12 for an average. So you take $6,000 a month times 12, 12, 24, 36, 48, 60. That $72,000. Just on average. Some of them are going to be longer. Some will be younger. Younger, shorter, but younger probably, too. But that’s astronomical. And it’s astronomical.
Amy Stone [00:52:13]:
It’s a lot longer. And you can’t. Like, it’s like you live this, but while it’s going on, you’re stuck in this tornado stasis of, like, trying to resolve something in your life, which. Whether that’s, like, you know, standing in line, that sensation of being stuck in a situation you can’t escape, that’s not pleasant. If that situation is standing in line at the grocery store, at an amusement park, when you’re talking about, like, every facet of your life, like, you know, the resolution of a marriage situation, that. That’s stressful. That’s really stressful. So I want to thank you for sharing all of that about your story, because I think it is a provocative tale of preparation and awareness that people can take into their own lives and benefit. You do have a special offer for the listeners, a free digital version of your book and your workbook, which is@betterdivorceacademy.com I want to thank you very, very much for that generous offer. Paulette, one of the things I love about your story is that everybody in your family appears to have the same name. That’s one of the. I love. I love that. All right, are you ready for the final three questions?
Paulette Rigo [00:53:17]:
Sure.
Amy Stone [00:53:18]:
Fun ones. Let’s do it. All right. A lot has changed about so many things in the last decade, and one of those things is how we watch TV and movies. When is the last time you went to a movie theater to see a movie? And do you remember what you saw?
Paulette Rigo [00:53:34]:
Oh, it’s been a while. Yes. I think I don’t even remember the name of it. The last movie I remember seeing in the theater would have been Lincoln.
Amy Stone [00:53:47]:
Oh, yeah. Oh, that was a while ago. All right, very good. I love that question.
Paulette Rigo [00:53:50]:
It’s been a while.
Amy Stone [00:53:50]:
Yeah. All right.
Paulette Rigo [00:53:52]:
It was very good.
Amy Stone [00:53:53]:
Very good. So did you as a child have a favorite board game? And if so, what was it?
Paulette Rigo [00:53:59]:
Oh, not really. We weren’t bored. But as a little girl, I love Candyland.
Amy Stone [00:54:05]:
Oh, yeah? Yeah, Candyland. I have fun memories of Candyland as a child when I played it. And then I have, like, what is low grade chronic PTSD from playing it with four children over 25 years. Like, I mean, it’s just like that trouble Like Monopoly. It’s like, you know, if we’re going to get it out, I’m like, all right, I have to get my mind ready. I can do this.
Paulette Rigo [00:54:30]:
Well, my children were jocks, and so they were outdoors playing sports. They spent very little time in the house. Chinese checkers, we would try to play that.
Amy Stone [00:54:40]:
Chinese checkers.
Paulette Rigo [00:54:42]:
But they weren’t really into board games.
Amy Stone [00:54:44]:
We bought them.
Paulette Rigo [00:54:45]:
They played with them once and said, that’s boring.
Amy Stone [00:54:48]:
Candyland is like. I mean, just. Anyway, it’s fantastic. Everybody should play.
Paulette Rigo [00:54:52]:
It’s very visual, right?
Amy Stone [00:54:53]:
Very visual.
Paulette Rigo [00:54:54]:
Very visual.
Amy Stone [00:54:54]:
It’s not engaging intellectually as much when you’re 30 as it is when you’re 5.
Paulette Rigo [00:55:01]:
Exactly when you’re 5 is fabulous.
Amy Stone [00:55:03]:
It’s fabulous. All right. If I invited you over for dinner and offered to make you your favorite meal, what would you ask? Ask for?
Paulette Rigo [00:55:10]:
Well, my husband and I are plant based.
Amy Stone [00:55:13]:
Okay.
Paulette Rigo [00:55:14]:
So it would probably be any salad you want to whip up.
Amy Stone [00:55:18]:
Fantastic. All right. I love it. That’s it. Paulette Rigo, thank you so much for being a wonderful guest today on the show.
Paulette Rigo [00:55:25]:
It’s an honor. And thank you for doing this work, Amy. This is a wonderful message and a great service that you’re offering to so many people that need help.
Amy Stone [00:55:35]:
Thank you.