When Getting Fired Becomes Your Greatest Gift

Amy Stone [00:00:05]:
Jackie Cote, welcome to the Art of Imperfect Adulting. Are you ready for a fun chat?

Jackie Cote [00:00:10]:
Oh, my gosh, yes. I’ve been dying to do this one with you.

Amy Stone [00:00:14]:
I love it. I love it. So starting off with a question that’s going to be a lot of fun, I ask everybody who’s on the show, what part of the world do you call home?

Jackie Cote [00:00:24]:
That’s always an interesting question for me since I’m a full time nomad with my husband and my two pups and we’ve been doing that for four years. And so technically my license has a South Dakota address that we. But you only have to live in South Dakota for 24 hours and you can walk into the DMV and hand them a receipt for your stay and get an address. So that’s our technical. But we’re currently stationary in Colorado Gypsum Colorado, which is no man’s Colorado. It’s at the bottom of the ski mountain, but nowhere near Denver, nowhere near Grand Junction or Colorado Springs like the known places of Colorado. But it’s beautiful and gorgeous and we live on a river surrounded by mountains. Can’t complain. But I’m originally a Jersey girl, so.

Amy Stone [00:01:06]:
Originally a Jersey girl.

Jackie Cote [00:01:07]:
Yeah. So Jersey. But I lived in Virginia longer than I actually lived in New Jersey. I’m a. I’m very much, when I talk about being the freedom mentor, I’m a very freedom life kid. Like, I was the baby of eight, so I just ended up moving and traveling and doing stuff my whole life instead of settling down and doing the 2.5 kids picket fence thing like all my family did. So Jersey, Virginia, and now nomadic.

Amy Stone [00:01:31]:
I love it. I absolutely love it. I knew about the Nomad, at least in the past. You and I have a little bit of. We know each other in real life, so that’s a real thing. So I knew you had done it. I didn’t know if you were still doing it. I didn’t know you were a Jersey girl. It makes a little more sense why you want to get along so well. All right, so in a second, we’re going to start the official interview, but I have one more question to ask you before we get started. It’s a warm up question. Share with us, me in the audience, a little about you that’s not your family or your job, but a hobby, a passion project, something you’re into that lets us know a little bit more about you.

Jackie Cote [00:02:05]:
Oof. I don’t. It’s. That’s another interesting question because I just love what I do is being me. For my work. And so just the, the traveling piece, the being spontaneous, the going like in a, In a drop of a hat and be like, sure, I’ll go do that, like, and across the country and jump on a plane and go do that. And that’s just always been. I mean, I remember in. I graduated college, I tried to get a real job. And my friends at TGI Fridays when I was waitressing, I was like, hey, we need a roommate for Arizona. I’m like, okay, I’m in. And I’m like, barely knew them. So I ended up jumping, going home, telling my parents, all right. Moving to Arizona. And I’m the baby of eight. So they’re like, sure, do whatever. You know, have fun. Like, they were. They were t. After eight kids.

Amy Stone [00:02:48]:
So eight. I can only imagine the joke with. The joke with kids is like the first kid you, like, are sterilizing everything. You’re super, super careful. The second kid, I forget how that goes. But like, the third and fourth kid, it’s like, you know, the toys fall on the ground and the dog picks it up and gives it back to them and you’re like, thank you, you.

Jackie Cote [00:03:07]:
Yes.

Amy Stone [00:03:09]:
So I can only the best is.

Jackie Cote [00:03:10]:
When you see a parent, like, lick the biggie themselves and just kind of hands it back to them. They’re like, oh, look.

Amy Stone [00:03:16]:
I think at least that’s parent involvement. I think when you’ve got eight, it’s like totally community event. Even you get four. It’s like the parent is like, is not involved. The kids are.

Jackie Cote [00:03:24]:
Yeah.

Amy Stone [00:03:25]:
You know, you look over like, thank you for making yourself a smoothie.

Jackie Cote [00:03:28]:
You know, so self sufficient. I’d get to school on my own. All the things.

Amy Stone [00:03:32]:
Yeah, all the things. Absolutely. All right, so the topic of the day that you proposed is being fired from a job in 2018. Are you ready to talk about that today?

Jackie Cote [00:03:44]:
Yeah, it’s one of my favorite topics. Best day of my life.

Amy Stone [00:03:46]:
See, I love that. I love that because I have asked other people in other interviews as, As a wrap up, funny question. Have you ever been fired? Because I think that it’s a, It’s a thing that we lay out as being an unavoidable thing. But I think a lot of people, most people have a firing story in their past, and some of them are dramatic and some of them are not. Before we talk about the best day of your life when you were fired, if I had gone back and asked you in middle school or high school and said to you, as people do, then, hey, what do you want to do? When you grow up, what would you have said?

Jackie Cote [00:04:20]:
Middle school and high school? I don’t know. Like, I. When I was a kid, I would do these little, like, who’s your hero? Who’s your person that you look up to? And my sister at the time was a cashier at shoprite in Jersey. And I wrote that I wanted to be a cashier at shoprite and be just like my sister. So that was my big striving goals when I was younger. And then I saw my. My stepsister, who was super successful, too, and, like, be, like, get out there. And like, you know, she was a purser on a cruise ship for six months, and then she was. And then I watched my stepmom be a travel agent. And so I think, like, I was somebody who was just intrigued with anything and everything. So I tried. But then when I went to college, it was almost like I didn’t. I didn’t. I didn’t really have to go to college kind of thing, but I did it because everyone was doing it, you know, and I paid for it myself. So I was like, well, you know, I’ll just do it because I could take care of it anyway. And when I got out, I tried to be a teacher. I tried to be an elementary education teacher. And within one year, I was like, peace out. Can’t do this. Not my style. Like, I ran out. Like, I looked at the woman who’s tenured, and she was miserable. And I was like, okay, that cannot be me. She looks like you do that. And I picked up into the restaurant industry. And so I think when I was 15, okay, so there’s. There’s the moment. When I was 15, I was handed the keys to the Italian bakery in Jersey. The little, like. And I was getting paid cash under the table, $4. Let’s age myself. And they said, run the shift. And I know that now it’s illegal at 15 to give somebody the keys post school and let them run it and money and everything, but they saw something in me, and that started this mini, like. Like, aha. Like, addiction to, like, wanting to lead people and help people and serve people in that capacity. And so the restaurant business kind of swooped me up the rest of my life. And I was in leadership management, so that was my favorite job, that little bakery. We would shut the door. We were the best team. Yeah, we were the best team they had. They got cameras after we left because they didn’t trust anybody after us. But we would play baseball with the cupcakes. We would play, like, at the end of the night, we would do all this, like, stuff, but we’d always clean up. And then the money was perfect, and everything was good, and we were safe. And so that was. That got the. The. That showed that someone believed in me. The ability to lead others, the ability to, like, you know, be in charge and that stuff. So.

Amy Stone [00:06:35]:
So, yes. So you. You were getting paid cash there, were you Dr. You were like, this part is illegal, but so is that, Jackie. So you were paid $4 under the table. I forget when it was, but it was a couple years ago. One of my. One of my kids was complaining about wage, you know, and. And I was like, let me just. Let me just tell you. My first job. I think my first job was, like, $3.75 or something like that. Ridiculous, right? Because it was like a summer job. I don’t even think it was a real. I don’t even know. Like, it’s. And I. And here’s the other thing. I felt like I had plenty of money by getting that, like, little, tiny paycheck. I was like. I was like, yay. Yeah.

Jackie Cote [00:07:13]:
I saved enough money to buy my first car at $1,000. I. You know, I walked and got my way to work every day myself until I got that car. And that car was a 1972 Volkswagen Rabbit. Piece of crap, apple green, rusty bumpers. And I love that thing that got me through high school, college. And I. I always say, like, it doesn’t matter how much money you have. It’s your perspective on it. Right. And I always was able to just make the best of what I had in that capacity. Yeah. So $4 went a long way.

Amy Stone [00:07:45]:
It went a long way. I don’t think you could do. It would not work that way today because everything is so much more expensive. It was pretty great. It was pretty great. And so there we go. All right, so we’re going to talk about being fired from this job in 2018. But is this the only job you’ve ever been fired from? Or have you been. Have you. Are there other experiences where people are like, hey, Jackie, no, not for you.

Jackie Cote [00:08:08]:
So, yes. And it’s funny, I don’t talk about this one as much because when you said earlier, it could be dramatic or it could be this. I worked for Starbucks for six years, and that was kind of a dramatic letting me go because it was something that just didn’t make sense in my head. I was like, one of their top people. And. And then there was a. There was a money situation, some missing money, and I was Again, in leadership, running restaurants. I mean, running. The Starbucks opening was like the only drive through we had at the time, and that was like a state. So it was the. The district manager came in and was bawling because she had to let me go because of this, like, missed this missing money. And then something was wrong with the safe and stuff. And. And she’s like, this is ridiculous, like you. But I was one of the highest paid people and they could get two people for the price of me. So there’s kind of a little bit of stuff behind it. And I’m not dogging Starbucks as a company saying at the time, it was just something that they. They. It was again, divine timing. I look back and if I didn’t do that, then I wouldn’t have done like the next thing and the next thing, which led me to where I am today. And so I look back that everything is. Happens for a reason. But at the time, we had just bought a new house. My husband lost his job and he was replacing his job. So we were just like, what the.

Amy Stone [00:09:23]:
Yeah, no, absolutely. Absolutely no. That is a thing that you don’t realize, I think, when you’re younger that there is a cycle in. In companies that are very employee driven, that they’ve got a bucket of money that they use for wages. Right. And as the employees get more expensive, that bucket doesn’t always grow at the same time. And so a lot of businesses go through that. You know, grow your employee base and then weed it out and restock from. From the bottom. Just like, you know, just like little league teams, like the youngest players. There’s always lots more of them. Yeah, there’s more of them because they’re. They’re at the bottom. They’re younger. Yeah. So that is definitely a thing. All right, so what is the job that you had in 2018 that you were fired from?

Jackie Cote [00:10:09]:
So like I said, I kicked off my whole restaurant, like, journey really early on. Fifteen bakery running that. Then I worked for some waitressing and serving and bartending jobs. Then I was a manager in the dining hall in the cafeteria. And then I just ended up moving into. And then I moved to Arizona for a couple years in California for a couple years in California. There’s this company that saw me waitressing and was like, we want you to be a manager for us. So that scooped me into like the lead. Like, like, never went back to. Which is crazy because I was making like $500 a night. And I went back to like a $10 an hour job to like, be a Manager for them. But there was something in that piece of being able to manage, being able to help people move to the next level. I got really addicted to helping other people, like, train, develop, see the potential in them, haul the gift of belief up for them until they got there and then help. And then they would get to that point, and then I’d keep helping them move forward. So that kind of got me really hooked into being a manager in restaurant companies like Chevy’s Mexican restaurant, Outback, TGI Fridays, Starbucks, and then Potbelly. And then when I got into the fast casual side, I did a lot of restaurant openings for them, for Starbucks, Potbelly. Then I landed in Cava Mediterranean restaurant, which is an amazing, amazing restaurant, fast casual concept. And I. But I took a different. I went. I left Potbelly, which I loved. Loved. But I wanted a challenge. And so I went to a corporate office position. And I tell you that part, because putting somebody who is so operational driven, so into their people, so into like, training, development and creating leaders and changing people’s lives, and then you put them in a corporate office, like putting an animal in a cage. And I, like, I was like, it’s a challenge. I want to learn new things. And I was. It was like pushing. It was putting that circle into the square, like, for two years straight. And plus, I had leadership. That was my mentor. Like, my mentor for that. That very much was into the. Like, you come really early, you stay really late. Like, just didn’t have the life part.

Amy Stone [00:12:15]:
She.

Jackie Cote [00:12:16]:
She was. She was definitely somebody who really wanted to be a hard worker. And she was. And she worked really hard. But it wasn’t a good representation to what I believed in, that I had learned in. I taught managers how to get the job done in 40 hours, even though our contract said 55. Like, we, we. I was like, you know, you get to work smarter, not harder. We get to, like, lead through our people and we get to work together. And so in this, this job, like, I. I learned. It’s funny, when I got to this, I didn’t know what Zoom was. I didn’t know what Google Drive was. I didn’t know what all these, like, fancies, which are not so fancy now, but, like, these things are, like, I didn’t know how to do all this stuff. I use the systems of the restaurant I worked with, right. And so it taught me begrudgingly how to create learning materials, how to create all these things. Well, fast forward two years in, they had merged. They didn’t have enough people to do all the positions. And so they let me go based on, like a needs improvement. I was, I was. For time. In 30 years of this industry, I was a needs improvement. And I was like, what the frick is that? You know, like.

Amy Stone [00:13:15]:
So you mean became like, on your performance appraisal. The reason for this conversation is there are things that could. That you’re doing that need improvement as opposed to. Okay, yeah.

Jackie Cote [00:13:26]:
And it was a good, like nine months. The last nine months they kept like, kind of feeding that in. And I’m like, this doesn’t make sense to me. Like, I’m really good at what I do. Like, if there’s anything I’m confident in. But I did move into a different part of something I didn’t know. And so I started like, traveling for them and doing restaurant openings is where I was so good at. And then they put me back in the office and I. And I like, like, it was just a weird. It was. It was something that was just happening exactly what was meant to happen. So that when the day happened, there was no surprise, but fat. But two months previous to me getting let go in August 2018, I had met the coaching industry. And I remember seeing a friend online going, why are you really happy all of a sudden? Because we were both, like, unhappy in our corporate jobs because we both left the operations. He’s like, okay, imagine taking all the things you’re really good at and like, like pulling all that out and getting rid of all the bs, like people telling you when you have to work and how much you can make and all that other stuff. He’s like, just imagine. I was like, that sounds too good to be true. And I was like, what is this, Wonderland? So he introduced me to the company that I got my. My life coach and health coach with. And I went, I signed up immediately and I went back to school, quote, unquote, you know, And I hadn’t been in School since 94, you know, and I saw that showed me the possibility, like, like, what was possible, what I. What’s. But I wasn’t ready to jump right in, go full time and like, let’s build my business like cold turkey, right?

Amy Stone [00:14:48]:
So let’s pause just a second. Let’s pause just a second because this is. This is a. You’re. You lived it, so you went through it, but I’m going to slow you down so that we really get the things here. So you had been in the restaurant industry, all kind of things, but in this 2018, you’d been working for a couple years. They had Moved you from the forward facing, like team building, restaurant opening to a very, very corporate in the office, long hours, every day job. And you knew you were unhappy. And so what did you. To back up a little tiny bit. What did you study? What was your course of study when you were in college?

Jackie Cote [00:15:25]:
I was a elementary education major and I was a psychology minor.

Amy Stone [00:15:30]:
All right, so. And that works like, so you. And that’s why you went into education. And then you were like, oh, wait, no, so back to the restaurant. I’m so fancy. The two things probably have common elements in them, but that’s a conversation for another day. All right, so you. They had been giving you performance appraisals and feeding you. So there’s an undercurrent of dissatisfaction because they were already telling you we see spots where it needs improvement. And you were like, no, no, I’m amazing. This is not. Okay. So that, that’s a sign of a well oiled HR machine. That’s like you have. It cannot be a surprise the first time you tell the person they’re fired because they weren’t doing their job well.

Jackie Cote [00:16:11]:
I also, like, I was willing to like, adjust for them and I was willing to like, okay, what do I need to learn? Like, I’m someone who wants to make it work, you know, and I really do. And it just, it just didn’t make sense. They kept putting me like this person in their strengths. Like, they put this person in what was my strength and then this person over here and what was their strength? Like, wait, they put me in what this person was doing and it was just so like, it didn’t make sense. And like put us where our strengths are. Like, let us work as this like well oiled machine. But they kept putting us in reverse. This person over here is miserable. This person over here is miserable. I’m miserable. And like it was just, it was, everything was happening that was not aligned with what could have been a really well oiled machine. But yeah, it was, it was not. I was pushing the boulder up a hill for that whole time.

Amy Stone [00:16:56]:
All right, so we’re going to talk a second. So you run into a friend who gives you the introduction to coaching. Are you still employed when you sign up for the training? The coaching?

Jackie Cote [00:17:06]:
Yeah, that was June 2018.

Amy Stone [00:17:08]:
So you’re still employed.

Jackie Cote [00:17:09]:
Yeah.

Amy Stone [00:17:10]:
When you. Okay, we’re going to talk a second about a second about what you do when you’re fired. But I’m really curious if you put yourself in the mindset because you said unaligned and you described that, you know, you were not thrilled in this position at the time. Back to the moment when you had invested this couple years with this job. And you’re obviously a very motivated, driven person. When you were fired, can you describe how you felt like, just in that moment, in just a couple of words? Because today you say it’s the best day of your life. But in the moment, how did it feel?

Jackie Cote [00:17:41]:
It was numbing. I sat there with the okay, because they bring you into the room. I drove my two and a half, my two hour commute through D.C. and I get there and I come up my normal day, and they’re like, we have a meeting. And I had nothing on my calendar brought me in the room. And you see the paperwork and you see the person sitting there from hr, and so you kind of know, but you’re also still kind of what’s going on, confused. And then they walk you out like a criminal. Like, literally, like, after I signed the paperwork, they’re like, let’s go to the desk. Let’s pack your stuff up. And like, I couldn’t go say bye. Like, I couldn’t talk to anybody. Like, I literally had two people on my sides. Like, I was gonna go postal or something. And I was just very like, okay, matter of fact, grab my stuff package. It took my computer and walked me down to the stairs and I left. And I will tell you, Amy, like, my should felt so lighter when I left, and I didn’t understand that piece. So when I got down the stairs and I started walking back to the garage, I was like, why do I feel good?

Amy Stone [00:18:36]:
Okay, so that was right away?

Jackie Cote [00:18:39]:
Yeah, right away. Like, I. I was crying. I don’t know. I didn’t say this part, but I cried in my car every day before I went into work. I legit, like, would sit in my car and be like, okay, I don’t want to go in there again. But I’m gonna. Because, you know, this is. I’m gonna make. I’m gonna figure this out. And. But I wasn’t happy already. Like, almost every day I would cry, like, or get emotional, knowing I had to go back into the place. So I was in a very unhappy state. But I was gonna make it work because I’m that. I got it, girl. I can do this. And. But when I left.

Amy Stone [00:19:08]:
Why did you say, why were you staying? It was like, just. You were. You already had it. Like, what was the reason you had not, like, walked in and been like, no, it’s, it’s.

Jackie Cote [00:19:18]:
It’s one of those one you see the potential because the company has grown. I mean, it’s. It’s done a phenomenal job. It’s okay, and it’s grown. So I saw the. I. It was a. When I came on, they were only like, 18 restaurants, and we had opened. We got them to, like, 80 restaurants at that point. And it was. It was exciting at times. Like, when I left the corporate office and went out with the teams and worked with the people in the field, I. That was a good part. Then I realized I was gone for eight months, a year. And then I left my husband, like, who was my boyfriend at the time, but just. We had no connection. My relationship started going downhill. I didn’t realize this until I got fired and went home, that my health was a mess. Like, there’s things that I just was ignoring, but I was making it work. Have you ever been into something where you’re like. Like, I’m really good at this. Like, I know I can make this work, even though it’s not. So, like, I’m gonna. I’m just gonna figure this out. I’m gonna fix it.

Amy Stone [00:20:11]:
Yeah. So I. Because you obviously, like, you had. You’re able to make that decision. The evidence is there. You had been a teacher and you’d been unhappy, and you had seen it and you had said no. And so in this thing, that’s the reason I wanted to ask the question. It’ in it. And what was the. What was the connection to you not pulling the plug until somebody else did? So you knew you were unhappy, but what I hear you saying is that you believed it was a good company, it was exciting at times, and that you were. You were trying to be the person, be the best you could be, maybe, is what it was like.

Jackie Cote [00:20:46]:
Well, yeah. And it’s what, you know, I knew for 30 years, like, this is what I knew. And I. I didn’t know what else was possible until I explored that. The coaching side of things. Like, I didn’t understand what else I could do with my skill set. What else I could do. Like, I was. I mean, I was really good at everything. Restaurant business, like, from soup to nuts. And I didn’t realize that I had other opportunities that I could go pursue. Like, we get stuck in the known because it’s safe. Right. It’s safe to stay here. So even though I was unhappy, it was still safer because it was known to stay in that industry.

Amy Stone [00:21:22]:
And that’s why I see it’s a tricky, quicksand thing. The comfort and the known. The comfort of the known or the perceived known. Absolutely. All right, so they fire you in a very corporate, professional way. Security walks you out with your file box full of things. I assume you stole the stapler. What did you do after you were fired, like right away? Did you. I know there’s a coaching piece of this, but at the beginning, did you look for another job or where were you in this? Like, what were the first sort of steps you did? Were you still in training for coaching?

Jackie Cote [00:21:59]:
So, yeah, that’s a. It’s about a six to 12 month program. So I was about two months into that, and so I was like, well, I’ll get another job, do the responsible thing, get an income and work my way through and eventually coach. Right? Okay. And I interviewed and every interview that I had, I was offered the position. And the first one I said no. There’s something in my, my gut. Now, I’d already had this experience with the mentors I was working with, with the coaching. Stuff that was like talked about alignment, intuition. These are not words that were like common in my, in my language up to that point. And so I was a little more aware. I mean, awareness always kind of like, is that first step to change, right? I was a little more aware of the fact that, okay, this doesn’t feel right. And so I said no. So in the second interview, I got the job, and again, I was like, something doesn’t feel right about this one. So. And I was in the process of literally going, okay, I’m going to sell my house, cut my expenses so I can build this business. But I was still trying to do the responsible thing. So, like, you got the battling, two battling parts of us that’s like, do the responsible thing. Go for it. Go for the. Go for the business. You know, bet on you. The third interview was really, what, what, what put the, like, nail in the, in the situation to make me go for my business and bet on me was. The guy who got on the call was someone I used to work with at Potbelly. And he was like, oh, I don’t need to interview you. I love you. Like, I’d hire you in a heartbeat. And so he’s like, but I. He started asking me like, what’s going on in life? And I started talking about the coaching. And he’s like, so what do you really want to do? And I was like, well, eventually I’d love to like, run this business, have a business doing this. He’s like, well, how much money do you have? And I was like, this is a really weird, interesting interview. Question. Right, right. And I, I said, well, I said, it’s funny you asked because I’m selling my house and we’re cutting expenses and blah, blah, blah. And I went through the whole story. I was like, I could live a year on what I have right now. Between the money and between like, cleared my credit cards and another divine intervention. In my opinion of like, things, everything was set in a really nice way. And he goes, well, great, I’ll hire you in a year. He goes, go try out the business and get back to me. If it doesn’t work out, I’ll hire you. And I was like, huh, that was permission granted. That it wasn’t.

Amy Stone [00:24:07]:
That is really interesting. Yeah, that was like, that. He was like, I’ll hire you in a year. So then, wow, okay, that is, that is really interesting that he would. Because then it was a little security blanket. Like, I can try this and if it doesn’t work out. So do you have any history of being in business for yourself or family members that own businesses or anything like that that would have been examples for you before this time? Like, had, had you ever occurred to you that that was an option or, you know, like many of us, it’s like everybody, we, you know, if everybody, you know, has a job, that’s all you see.

Jackie Cote [00:24:43]:
Yeah, so that’s, that’s a great question because it’s twofold. It’s positive and negative to have the experience. My dad had a construction company growing up and he’s a third grade education farm boy from Canada, and he came to this country and he built it. Didn’t speak English. My mom taught him English and stuff. And, and he built it on his own after going through lots of, you know, working for lots of people that just abused. He’s like, my mom’s like, just do it yourself, you know. So he built it and I watched it grow really significantly, and then I watched it go bankrupt and then I watched it grow again and then I watched it go bankrupt again. And so our family, like, out of the six kids in mine and the two step kids, I’m the only one who ever considered business. Everybody else was like, heck no, not after seeing that, you know, So I was very. I loved how much my dad created from nothing and being able to watch that, but then also scared because I’m like, I watch. And that’s a lot of turmoil in the relationship and stuff. Mom passed away when I was five. But my stepmom’s been in my life until she passed last year. Like, for. She was in My life for like 40 years, you know. And so, and so that, that was, that was something that, that I tried like Primerica at one point. I tried like, like I was. People wanted me to do multi level marketing and I was just like, no, not really, you know, this and that. But when this hit, it was like, I still, it gave me an opportunity to like, be me and do something like, based on me that I, like, did for. So, like when I ran a restaurant, you should just put my name on the top. Like when I ran, they’d be like, it’s Jackie’s place. It’s not Starbucks, it’s not Pop Belly, It’s Jackie’s place. And I was like, yeah, because I’m going to own a Jackie’s place one day. So I talked about a restaurant my whole life. Never did it because I also knew I’d be tethered to it. I’d have no life. So there was some fear around business. But I was the only kid who got intrigued by business too.

Amy Stone [00:26:32]:
So you did have a backup. So one of the things that was in my mind when I was writing this, because I didn’t know any of your family history and things, but there is that weird statistic that when you cannot mention the word business without somebody telling you, which is that 95% of new businesses fail. Right? And it’s like always out there. And so you grew up watching the reality of that. It really can happen. So what do you, when you hear that? Like, I don’t know, probably people don’t say that to you now, but when you hear somebody say that, hey, well, 95% of businesses fail, what is it? What does it bring up for you, having watched it and also built a business for yourself?

Jackie Cote [00:27:16]:
I don’t, I don’t. Yeah, that’s, that’s a, like, that can go. Life can be emotional on one side, but it also could be exciting because I’m here, sitting here six years later, still with a business, a successful business. And so I, I think that it’s important for people to understand that this isn’t like easy peasy lemon squeezy. Like there’s, there’s more of an inner game that has to get done on this, on this side of building a business than the external, the doing part, you know? And so, yeah, that’s a good question. I have to process that one a little bit more because I get excited. I was very, I was very proud. And I tell my dad, my dad’s 93 right now and he’s got like, A little bit of onset dementia, but he gets so upset with himself for how things went. And I’m like, dad, you. Like, you came here with Nothing, with a third grade education, got pulled off as oldest of 10 and helped your father run a farm with a father who was, you know, alcohol, bad stuff. I was like. And you created your own business. Like, I always was so, like, blown away by the power of that. But there was still that fear of, like, going for it until six years ago.

Amy Stone [00:28:31]:
Yeah, the fear of going for it because you’ve seen. You’ve seen people fail. I think that it is. It’s an interesting thing. It’s like, yeah, it just is. It can go either way, 100%. Okay. So now you described the day you got fired as the best day of your life, which people can proudly figure out. But I’m going to give you a chance to really lean into it and tell that side of the story. It’s the best day of your life because this is when you leaned into you and decided to go into business for yourself. So did you feel like it was the best day of your life right away? You felt the lightness in your shoulders, but you didn’t quite understand it. How long did it take to show up before you were like this? This was good. This was the greatest thing that could have happened to me.

Jackie Cote [00:29:11]:
Yeah. They always say you don’t know until you know. So I’m not sure exactly, like, when that. The epiphany came. So I decided after going through those interviews and when that guy kind of said that to me, and I went, oh, wow. Okay. So I took six months off from. And I did the schooling and I really got like, like my. All my practice clients in and stuff. But I took six months off to travel, too, because I wanted to taste what this life would be like and started to, like, create, like, step into the version of the life that I desired. Because I never took more than a week off in 30 years. Right? I never. I never said that. I. I always put the, like, I can’t afford that kind of thing, or maybe I should hold off on that and put, like, my dreams on hold. So I was like, you know what? We’re gonna taste it once you taste it. Like, I gotta tell you, you cannot go back. The freedom. I traveled seven different places. Some was just a Jersey and to friends, you know, but it was still. It was traveling on my own time without having to ask for permission from anyone. I gave myself permission to do it. And that was two things that hauled a lot of us back, including myself during the past. And so I was like, huh, if that’s. If I can do that, then like, I never want to go back to that. Like, I never want to go back to being restricted on my time. Restricted on what? But the other piece that really solidified it too, is it really. I didn’t like to be with myself. Work was my like, avoidance of self for so many years. And what I learned because. Because when you learn like coaching, you’re. You’re your first client. And so it very much went inward and was like shined a light on everything that I was avoiding. And at the time, my, my now husband, we were in year three of our relationship and we’re nine years in now and we were broken up pretty much. Like we were living in separate rooms during this process because some like, we just. I was, I was constantly gone. I come home unhappy. I take it out on him like in. In a nice way, quote unquote. As I put closer on that, like I do it in like the Jackie, like, oh, you could do so much more. You could be great. You could. And I kept pointing my finger at him, trying to fix him when I’m the one who was like a hot mess and didn’t really see it. I didn’t see it because I was so in my. My foggy life, if you want to call it. So the. The aha of not going back really came probably about six months in and my. My unemployment started, stopped coming and I was like, huh, I should probably make some money. And so I hired my first like one on one coach because I do. I’m a firm believer of the direct attention on you. Like we can. There’s a lot of great group programs, but that direct attention on you in the be. You don’t have money and you don’t think you should invest in it is probably the most important investment of your life because it helps you really. Like. I told her I wanted to help me build a business and she giggled and laughed at me a little bit because she’s. She knew what really had to happen. I didn’t realize that I needed to like peel back some layers and heal and like cry and feel and all this like inner stuff that I didn’t think had anything to do with business. Right. But the first nine months of my journey was with my. My first coach was like getting to know myself and getting to love myself and getting to trust myself and believe in myself and. And I’m pretty confident woman in the restaurant industry because I did it for 30 years. And I was so good at it, but I. I avoided myself through working so much. That was my identity. I didn’t know what my identity was outside of that. And so that’s all the stuff we worked on. Then the strategy worked, then all the things like the strategy piece that 20% worked. But I had to go through crying on my bed for nine months. I, like, I looked at her one day and I didn’t. I didn’t sign up for this. What’s going on? Like, this is nine months of crying on my bed. There’s stains of tears.

Amy Stone [00:32:58]:
So you said two things there that are really, I think, very important. One is you just threw it in there. That is, you know, you don’t know until you know. Right. That’s. That’s. And I think that a lot of times we are looking for people to tell us what’s going to work and what we should do, and we avoid that thing, which is like, there’s no way to know until you actually do some of it, like, you know, yourself. Right. And. And the other thing that I think is really interesting that I want to ask you about before we talk about what you do, is you realized in this process that you were using a very demanding job to avoid being with yourself. Did you have any idea that you were doing that when it was happening?

Jackie Cote [00:33:46]:
Absolutely not. Because I was always happy, Jackie. And on the outside, like, people are like, she’s great. She’s, you know, she’s. She’s got it all together. And I call myself a recovering I got it girl. And there’s a book that’s in process of being written about this because I was living life and I. And we, all of us create these survival mechanisms as we grow up, whether it’s child, you know, And I was coming from this place of control, like, absolute. Look, I got it. I don’t need anybody’s help. I felt like I was like. Like, because Since I was 7, I had to figure out if I wanted to eat, I’d have to cook. If I want to do need clean clothes, I have to do laundry. Like, there was nobody home. Even though there’s so many siblings. It was just me because they were all older and kind of doing things.

Amy Stone [00:34:26]:
The last one is home Alone. It’s a wild. Yeah. The older ones have all the little people and all the family around. They are. My youngest is graduating from high school, and twice this year I have reached out to his. His siblings, and I’ve been like, dudes, hanging kiddos. You need to show up because we dragged him to all your events like you were. He was at yours because he didn’t have a choice. And now everybody. Right. Like, he was. And I was like, but, you know, he’s. He’s alone, you know, like, so. Yeah, get your tushies back here. And they have.

Jackie Cote [00:34:57]:
That’s so good. That’s so good that you recognize that because. And, And, And I’m grateful because it made me the fiercely independent woman that I am and paid for everything since I was. You know, that little job that we talked about, paid for everything. Everything. Never got it, like, never asked for. And my parents, I know, loved me profusely. There wasn’t, like, a lack of love. It was just. They were too busy. And then I. So then the stories of abandonment and the stories of being a burden, so I, like, protected myself. And then, like, everybody leaves. Like, all these things like, that I discovered later on through my journey, the last six years of healing and stuff, is that that created this woman who was fiercely independent from a place of control and survival and fear of, like, ensuring. And. And I still. I had a good life, obviously. I traveled the country and I, like, met all these great people, and I had. And there was no, like, trusting that someone else could support me, like, letting somebody else love me. Oh, my gosh. It took until year seven of our relationship that I actually let my husband fully love me and let myself fully love him. And then we got engaged. Not. No, no, no coincidence that two months later he asked me to marry him. Once we got to this point of, like, truly letting each other love each other because we both had our walls or barriers, whatever, and stuff. And. And I’m, you know, that we’re still standing blows my mind sometimes, you know, so. But the. Yeah, so I forgot. I kind of started.

Amy Stone [00:36:20]:
No, you were there. It was like, did you know that you were doing it while you were doing it? Which I think that it is. It’s always happening in every. In all these different things. And we think that transitions come in these big, brightly labeled, well defined boxes, and sometimes they do. Retirement, high school graduation, college graduation, weddings, divorces. Those are boxed up and defined. But there’s all these other transitions and changes that are happening all the time, minute by minute, of our life, and we don’t. We’re simultaneously living our life and trying to figure it out at the same time. That’s always happening. It’s like I’ve been bowled over it myself, like, you know, so many times. It’s like, what do you mean? I’m Doing that. I would know if I was doing that. But no, you never can. You never can. You never can. Yeah.

Jackie Cote [00:37:09]:
And there’s so many. You probably get this, this, this. Like, I geek out over myself now. Like, I had someone say that to me. Like, you really geek out over yourself. And in a good. In this way that’s like, so, like, oh, my gosh, I just thought this way and I used to think this way and I’m so, like, I can’t believe. Like, that’s so cool. Like, I reacted. I responded instead of reacted. Or like I. And I, I geek out of every awareness and. Aha. Because back to the original thing of, Of. I didn’t know that I wasn’t feeling my feelings. I was. I have a. I have a 30 year history of bulimia that, like, became my survival mechanism to process my feelings because there was nobody there to teach me that. And there was no. I didn’t have any bonds with teachers or anything like that. So, like, if I got angry, I did one thing. If I got lonely, I did another thing. And it was like, that’s how I processed emotions. And it was like 47 years old, I realized, oh, there’s a new way to do this. 47, 48. When I started the journey, I was, I was able to see that, like, it’s safe to feel. It’s safe to be alone. Like, I hated being alone. So I, I’d be. I was networking before networking existed in my life. I’d bring. I’d invite all these people so I wouldn’t be alone to, like, hang out and go to dinner and call all my girlfriends and see who shows up and, and then all the. I don’t know, like, I just, I didn’t realize how much I was avoiding myself by putting myself out to help everybody else until I realized I was avoiding myself.

Amy Stone [00:38:31]:
Yeah.

Jackie Cote [00:38:31]:
And not loving myself. And that I would tell you that’ll. That. That foundation of really getting to like, like yourself and then eventually love yourself and eventually, like, like, see that, like, you have to be that number one focus so that everybody really gets the best version of you. That’s what changed, like, everything. It changed the quality of people I have in my life. It changed my relationship, it changed my health. It changed everything. And. And that had nothing to do, quote unquote, with business.

Amy Stone [00:39:04]:
Right. Right. Although I will say that being able to love all those earlier versions of yourself gives you the, Gives me the credit. The. The. I can walk into a room, I can be like, I’m gonna like some of These people, some of them are gonna like me, some are not. So what, you know.

Jackie Cote [00:39:20]:
Yeah, absolutely.

Amy Stone [00:39:21]:
And it is. It is an interesting situation. People who are, like, like, listening to this that don’t know us. Like, if you drop Jackie and I into a conference room with 300 other people, we find each other. Just so anybody’s not. Not, you know, not wondering on the dance floor in the middle of, like, a party.

Jackie Cote [00:39:39]:
Yes.

Amy Stone [00:39:39]:
Is where we’re. Oh, there you are. Nice to see you. Let’s have fun. Okay, here we go. So in the minute, we’ll do final questions, but I do want to give you a chance to specifically tell people who are listening what you do and who you do it for, how you help people and how they can find you online. Time.

Jackie Cote [00:39:55]:
Awesome. So I call myself now the Being coach. And literally. And this is how much our life is ever, ever shifting. Right? And your business, if you choose to go this route in business, it’s like, just last year, I had the whole year of adversity. I had, you know, dealing with. I took care of dad with dementia, mom in the hospital and facilities. And I chose all of these things. I didn’t. I wasn’t required to. I chose to, like, go back and do these things. Because of the life I created with my business, I was able to step away from my business. And this. That was the year of massive adversity. And it taught me, like, so much. Like, I’ve grown so much with, like, surrendering and trusting and all these other things. And so I finally, like, own. Even just this year, I shifted the fact that, like, yes, I can help with strategy. I come with that. But ultimately, I’m the one who helps you be who you are through awakening and pairing and owning who you are, like, unapologetically in this world. It’s not. What we were talking earlier. You said something about, like, it’s not external sources telling you what. It’s you finding it within you. Because how annoyed I was when I first heard everything you need is inside of you. You’re like, yeah. Huh, sure. But it’s so true. I get it now. Like, I didn’t get it right, But I was like, when you know you’re.

Amy Stone [00:41:09]:
Talking to the right person, though, actually, when somebody says something to you and you’re like, shut up.

Jackie Cote [00:41:13]:
No.

Amy Stone [00:41:14]:
And then you turn around, you’re like, well, maybe, okay, fine.

Jackie Cote [00:41:19]:
The human’s like, no. And the soul’s like, sure, okay, yeah. And I. I just think that, like, I didn’t. I. I. So I. I hope people now really just reggae. I just came back from a retreat as we’re doing this like literally two days ago and helping women, just badass women who are successful 22 year business owners and, and stuff. And then just seeing them like break down and really find parts of themselves that they never ever knew ex that they could access were never allowed to come out. Because, girl, I gotta tell you, we have this woman inside of us that’s dying to come out and play and we don’t let her. So let her come out and play. And so I really, that’s. That’s my journey. Like I really help women just simplify life and create the life they truly love and fit the success of money into it, not the other way around. Buy owning who they are and recognizing what that is. But if you said to me six years ago, you gotta like own who you are and like this kind of stuff, I’d be like, who what? Like I wasn’t woo whatsoever either. Like now I’m like universe and all the things and I’m like, what? So I do that through. I have a membership. I have like an easy button membership that is currently, you know, in a 55 range per month that you can get support every week. But then I also have my Deep Dive 101 coaching that I highly suggest that people do in the beginning. And then I run two retreats a year and then I run different groups throughout the year when I feel it. So I’m running one called Stripped right now. It’s a mastermind and it’s really like, it’s. We dive deep into each other, into each other’s stuff, like deep and peel back the layers that is hiding, you know, I say so everyone’s joking like, oh, Nate, I’m getting a little more naked. Like this layer just came off. I’m getting a little more because we just hide the things because we just don’t realize how important. I mean, we’ve all heard the saying, probably, and maybe you haven’t, but the. We’re stuck in this jar. We need someone to help us read that label in the jar.

Amy Stone [00:43:15]:
That’s right. It’s impossible to lead the label from the inside. Yes.

Jackie Cote [00:43:18]:
Right.

Amy Stone [00:43:20]:
Can’t read.

Jackie Cote [00:43:21]:
And then you can find me. I always tell people, come be friends with me on Facebook. Because my Facebook is legit. Like a digital diary of my life. Like I. There’s nothing I don’t share. When you ask the question, is there anything you know that you don’t want to answer? Nope. Like it’s. I’m a You can take me just like you. You’ll meet me here. And I’m the same person when you meet me in person. Like, there’s no difference. Like, I am who I am, and I own it unapologetically. And so Facebook’s really the domain that people really love. My journey, my Nomad stuff, all the things. And I’m on other platforms too, but that’s kind of the one that all of my stuff pours out of me into Facebook. I’ll be walking down on a walk and I’ll start crying. I’ll be walking by the river because, like, water makes me cry. I’m not really sure. And I, like, go live. I’m like, I’m down by the river. I gotta share this.

Amy Stone [00:44:11]:
Aha.

Jackie Cote [00:44:12]:
And I’m bawling for no reason, but I’m happy. It was just funny.

Amy Stone [00:44:15]:
So. All right, so you have a special offer for the listeners that I’ll share. It’s called a free deep dive vision call. The value is $555. That’s a very generous offer. The link for that is in the Show Notes as well as a link to the website. You can find Jackie on Facebook. I follow her on Facebook. She and I are connected. I do recommend it. The easiest way to get that link to be a subscriber to imperfect adulting email, but it is in the show notes and in YouTube. Anywhere you want it. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. Jackie, are you ready for the final three questions?

Jackie Cote [00:44:49]:
Yes.

Amy Stone [00:44:50]:
Don’t be scared of the unknown.

Jackie Cote [00:44:52]:
Bring it on.

Amy Stone [00:44:52]:
Don’t be. These are just for fun. All right, so when I wrote this, I wasn’t sure if you were still doing the Nomad thing, because last year, your year was different. And, you know, my connection to you is primarily online, although we do reconnect in places, exciting places, like Idaho. All right. What is the most inconvenient thing about life as an RV Nomad?

Jackie Cote [00:45:16]:
Originally, it was Internet because it was like you never knew what you’re going to get. I would be doing many calls and paneras and coffee shops and stuff because you just never know what area. We did a lot of traveling the first two and a half years. We would go every 21 days to a new place. So it’d be like rolling dice, like, all right, is my AT&T going to work or is my isn’t going to work, or is it going to be. That was the first thing. The other that now. Now that we’ve been stationary the last year and a half, we’ve Been because my husband took a job out in the Colorado area. It’s. It’s the inconvenience. The space is big. It’s 44ft. It’s big and then it’s small at the same time. So, like, I’ll go travel places and live in real houses with real bedrooms and real bathrooms and real kitchens. And I come home and I’m like, honey, we need to get rid of all our stuff up. Like, it’s too cluttered. He’s like, it’s 44ft. Like, I don’t know how much less, like you can do it. So, so it depends on the moment and the mood.

Amy Stone [00:46:14]:
That must be. That just must absolutely be. I, I have never done it. So the idea of living in such a small space full time is something that I will have to discover at a later date. But I did want to ask. All right, so if you’re going into a room of people you’ve never met, met before for anything and just imagine it, would you rather be overdressed or underdressed, like formal or casual kind of thing?

Jackie Cote [00:46:41]:
I’m a casual girl. More so. Like, you won’t find me in heels. I’ll be in like, you know, flip flops or sneakers or something. And, but. And that just makes. I just, I always, I want to be in something that just makes me feel like me, me. And not, in a sense now have I felt really cool in like the dressed up outfit and everything like that? Absolutely. But if I also feel like, if I’m like, oh my gosh, is that like sitting just right? Like if I’m uncomfortable in something or I was like, okay, like, am I, is my, is my boob hanging out? Like, you know, if I’m trying to be too overdressed, I, I guess it’s. For me, it’s kind of like the mood that I’m in really reflects the mood that I’m in, really reflects what food I grab, what this, that, all the things and, and a bad mood or good mood. More so like, do I feel like, do I feel sassy with a tight fitting dress or do I feel sad or do I feel like jeans and like a shirt and a blazer? You know, like what feels good to me today? And I always listen to that. And then I trust that whatever I’m wearing, that’s not going to determine how someone perceives me, like what I’m. Because I am my own light, my own perception. And if I’m coming in with an energy that’s, you know, true and genuine and beautiful, then that’s what I’m going to get. If I come in being a jerk, I’m gonna like, get the reflection, you know?

Amy Stone [00:48:03]:
Yeah, absolutely. I love that answer. All right, third and final. If you won $100 million in the Powerball lottery today, what is the first thing you’d buy?

Jackie Cote [00:48:14]:
Geez, the land. Okay. My, the land. Lakefront property that I have been dreaming and visualizing for the last six years. And the property has to be large enough to have the lakehouse that I want with the mountain view, plus the retreat center, plus the RV park, pl. All my husband’s little dreams of like a storage unit place, a dog facility, oil and tire change place. So like, it’s gonna be our own mini village. But primarily, like, I’ve, I’ve. I’ve had dreams. I’ve woken up with like tiny home villages with like a retreat center in the center. And here’s the funny part. Just two weeks, about a month ago, two weeks, four weeks ago, I did the psychic reading. And this woman’s a 70 year old Mississippi woman, and she’s like, you need to be in the metaphysical world. And like, she’s like yelling at me, but she’s like, you need to bring people together who do this kind of stuff. And, and, and, and again, six years ago, didn’t know what any of this stuff was, right? And, and, and I was like, oh my gosh, I’ve had the vision she just described. She literally described like my constant dream of what I want to create one day between the RV park and the retreat center and, and places people to a destination place. Of course, there’ll be Jackie’s Place restaurant too on there. Not to make money, but to have fun.

Amy Stone [00:49:28]:
To have fun. All right, very good. That’s it. Jackie Cote, you have been a wonderful guest today on the show. Thank you very much.

Jackie Cote [00:49:34]:
Thank you. Thank you for having me.