We sometimes move through life believing we have all the time in the world to pursue our dreams, fix our relationships, or finally put ourselves first. Then something happens—a diagnosis, a loss, a profound realization—that shatters this illusion, forcing us to confront the most fundamental question: how will I choose to live the life I have? Breaking free from others’ expectations becomes not just desirable but necessary when faced with life-altering circumstances that demand we reclaim our time and energy.
For some, this moment arrives in dramatic fashion. Picture a woman sitting on her couch, wearing tattered gray sweatpants, barely able to move after brain surgery. In this moment of profound vulnerability, she makes a decision that will transform every aspect of her existence: “I choose life.”
This isn’t just a story about survival. It’s about the radical act of choosing to live authentically when crisis strips away everything you thought defined you. When your health, relationships, and sense of self are simultaneously upended, how do you rebuild a life worth living? And perhaps more importantly, how do you find the courage to create a better life that truly reflects what matters most to you, rather than continuing to live according to others’ expectations?
When Crisis Forces Self-Reflection
Risa August, an accomplished athlete who had completed multiple Ironman triathlons, experienced this awakening through a devastating health crisis. “About seven years prior to my diagnosis, I started noticing changes in my body that I couldn’t explain,” she shares. Despite being highly attuned to her physical condition, her concerns were repeatedly dismissed by medical professionals. “I kept going to my doctor saying, ‘Hey, I notice these things are happening,’ and she kept telling me, ‘I’m not worried. You’re healthy, you’re an athlete, you’re fine.'”
This experience highlights how even when we advocate for ourselves, we sometimes face obstacles that prevent us from getting the support we need. For Risa, persistence eventually led to an MRI that revealed “a massive tumor at the base of my brain, engulfing my pituitary gland and causing a rare disease called acromegaly, which essentially destroys the body over time.”
This diagnosis coincided with the unraveling of Risa’s 18-year marriage, creating the perfect storm that would force her to reevaluate everything. As she explains, “I started reflecting on the marriage…I started really thinking about what I wanted in life. And then the diagnosis kind of propelled me, you know, even further into that reflection and, okay, the time is now. What do you want?”
Amy Stone, the interviewer, crystallizes this common experience: “We go through life assuming that we have all the time in the world to do all of the things. There’s always going to be more time. There’ll be time to figure out the relationship, there’ll be time to do more races, so on and so forth.”
Crisis strips away this comfortable illusion, creating both urgency and clarity about what truly matters.
Finding Your Voice: The Journey to Self-Advocacy
One of the most profound transformations that can emerge from a crisis is learning to advocate for yourself. When your life literally depends on it, the ability to speak up, set boundaries, and demand what you need becomes not just important but essential for survival.
For Risa, this journey began with her health struggles. After years of having her concerns dismissed, she reached a breaking point with her doctor. “After that third time I said, ‘Order me the MRI,’ I stopped asking and I was like, ‘Do it.'” This moment marked a significant shift—from politely requesting to firmly demanding the care she knew she needed.
This newfound voice extended beyond her medical care into her personal relationships. “I started finding my voice…I started having the courage to put my needs and wants out there,” Risa explains. This transformation challenges the common pain point of feeling stuck in patterns of self-sacrifice and people-pleasing.
Learning to speak up for yourself can feel uncomfortable, especially if you’ve spent years or decades prioritizing others. As Risa admits, “You know, that pattern we get stuck in of taking care of everyone else and putting everyone else first. And I think I was like, wait a minute, whose life am I living?”
This question cuts to the heart of self-discovery and living life on your terms. When crisis forces you to confront your mortality or limitations, the urgency to live authentically intensifies. You begin to recognize how others’ expectations and your own limiting beliefs have shaped your choices, often at the expense of your deepest desires.
The Challenge of Receiving Support
Some people really struggle to accept help from others. For someone accustomed to being strong, independent, and caring for others, the vulnerability required to receive support can feel profoundly uncomfortable.
Risa describes this struggle vividly: “I’m usually the one that takes care of other people. And I think I didn’t probably didn’t ask enough for help, because in my brain, where I tend to live, too, more than I like to admit, is, well, everyone’s busy with their lives. Nobody has time to come take care of me or do this.”
Even when trying to accept help, old habits persisted: “I’d say, sure, come over. But then I’d cook them dinner. I’ve really struggled with relinquishing my desire to control and to receive.”
This resistance to receiving support reflects deeper issues many face: feeling unworthy of care, fearing dependence, or believing that needing help somehow diminishes our value. Yet crisis often forces us to confront these beliefs by making self-sufficiency temporarily impossible.
Amy Stone offers a simple but powerful approach to this challenge: “Accept it and say thank you. Thank you very much. I received this from you.” This straightforward practice can help transform our relationship with receiving, empowering us to build the support networks essential for navigating difficult times.
The experience of allowing others to care for us can be transformative. As Risa shares about a friend who stayed with her after surgery: “She would like, heat up water and with a Q-tip…painstakingly, with a Q-tip every morning, clean this caked dried blood off my face. Every morning she heated water to do that and just took care of meals…It was so comforting to just have that, which felt like was the first time in my life I ever really had that.”
These moments of genuine connection and care can heal not just our bodies but our relationship with vulnerability itself, showing us that accepting support is not weakness but an essential part of being human.
Redefining Possibility: What Can I Do Now?
Perhaps the most powerful transformation that can emerge from crisis is shifting from focusing on what’s been lost to discovering new possibilities. When illness, injury, or other life changes limit what was once possible, the question becomes not “How can I get back to who I was?” but “Who can I become now?”
For Risa, this pivotal shift occurred in that moment on the couch in her tattered gray sweatpants. “I was so focused on what I can’t do. I was so focused on who I no longer was, what wasn’t going to be possible anymore. And I started asking myself, what can I do?”
This question became a mantra that continues to guide her life: “Capable, able now. What am I capable, able to do now in this moment?” This simple yet profound reframing transforms limitation from a prison to a doorway, inviting creativity and resilience rather than despair.
This shift allowed Risa to revisit dreams she had set aside: “I pulled out my dusty bucket list and I was like, the time’s now.” Rather than abandoning her dreams because she couldn’t pursue them in familiar ways, she found new approaches. When her changed body made hiking the Camino de Santiago in Spain impossible, she discovered she could still bike it instead.
This adaptive mindset doesn’t deny reality or difficulty. As Risa notes about her Camino journey: “It challenged me on every level…challenged me in every way, and it kind of sucked.” Yet when asked if she regretted going, her answer reflects her transformed relationship with life itself: “No way. I said when I chose to live that day on the couch, like, that meant everything. That meant all of it.”
This embrace of life—with all its beauty, challenge, joy, and difficulty—represents perhaps the deepest wisdom that can emerge from crisis. We learn to measure our days not by some external standard of perfection or achievement, but by our willingness to engage fully with whatever is possible in each moment.
As Risa puts it: “Some mornings are like, well, I can get up and brush my teeth, and then some mornings I’m actually out for like a walk or a bike ride or having dinner with friends, and it’s the best day ever.” This acceptance that some days will be harder than others, that progress isn’t linear, offers freedom from the exhausting pressure to always be improving or overcoming.
Embracing the Full Spectrum of Living
If we are forced to choose between settling for a diminished existence or embracing a new path forward, the journey of transformation is rarely smooth or straightforward. It requires courage to face uncertainty, resilience to weather setbacks, and wisdom to recognize that living fully means embracing all experiences—not just the comfortable or pleasant ones.
As Risa eloquently states: “Conscious decision to live. And that means all of it. I don’t expect every day to be rainbows and unicorns.” This mature perspective acknowledges that meaningful living isn’t about avoiding difficulty but about engaging authentically with the full spectrum of human experience.
The process of breaking free from others’ expectations to create a life aligned with your deepest values often begins with crisis but continues as an ongoing practice. It requires regularly asking yourself what matters most now, what’s possible today, and how you can honor both your limitations and your aspirations.
For those feeling stuck, screwed up, or simply disconnected from their own desires, Risa’s journey offers science-backed tools and real-life motivation: focus on what you can do, accept support when offered, question limiting beliefs, and choose life—even and especially when it’s hard.
Whether you’re navigating a health crisis, relationship transition, or simply feeling the weight of living according to others’ expectations, remember that the moment you decide to reclaim your time and energy is the moment transformation becomes possible. And sometimes, that transformation begins with the simple yet radical act of asking yourself: “What can I do now?”
This article was inspired by a thought-provoking interview with Risa August and Amy Stone on The Art of Imperfect Adulting podcast. To hear more compelling conversations like this one and receive special offers from our guests directly to your inbox, join our email community today.
Interview Transcript Risa August with Amy Stone | The Art of Imperfect Adulting | May 15, 2025
Amy Stone [00:00:05]:
Risa August. Welcome to the art of imperfect adulting.
Risa August [00:00:08]:
I’m so grateful to be here, Amy. Thank you.
Amy Stone [00:00:11]:
I’m happy you’re here. Are you ready for a chat?
Risa August [00:00:14]:
I am. Yes.
Amy Stone [00:00:15]:
That is really good. That is really good. So you probably know this from listening to other episodes, but I start almost all of my interviews asking people what part of the world they’re in, where they’re talking to me from. Where are you today?
Risa August [00:00:27]:
I am based in Colorado, and I say based because I love travel, I love culture, I love experiencing things I’ve never experienced before. And so, yeah, I base myself in Colorado, but I travel any chance I get.
Amy Stone [00:00:47]:
Fantastic. I love travel, too. I do, I do. I do. So I love to learn about people’s personal backgrounds before we dive into the topic of the day. So this is a super general question. You have a lot of leeway. I start out with something super broad, but tell us as little or as much as you want about yourself outside of work, maybe outside of your family, but could be your family, could be the names of your pets, favorite plants, whatever you want us to know about you.
Risa August [00:01:16]:
Okay. Gosh. Well, I grew up outside of Cleveland, Ohio, and I felt like I was an old soul trapped in a young person’s body. And so as soon as I turned 18, I kind of set out into the world. And I’ve just been a genuinely curious, explorative, adventurer person my entire life, it seems. And I genuinely love to connect with other people, other humans, and figure out and understand why and how they tick, you know, how they operate in the world. And so that, yeah, that led me to traveling to many other countries and living in various places and staying curious and never wanting to stop learning.
Amy Stone [00:02:13]:
Very fun. Very fun. So what is Cleveland? Where the Rock and Roll hall of Fame is?
Risa August [00:02:18]:
It is, yes.
Amy Stone [00:02:19]:
Okay. I’m not. I’m not an expert on Cleveland, but I try to remember that Cleveland is the Rock and Rol hall of Fame, and then Cincinnati is the Chile Skyway. Chile, right.
Risa August [00:02:33]:
I believe so, yes.
Amy Stone [00:02:34]:
Okay. All right. Gotta keep these. These are very important things to know. Very important, very important trivia facts for me to keep track of. The other thing that is, I think in Ohio that I haven’t done yet is Cedar Point. Cedar Point, the roller coaster park? Yes, that is on my to do list.
Risa August [00:02:53]:
Yes.
Amy Stone [00:02:54]:
Yes, it is on my to do list. So those are the three things I know about Ohi. Now we can proceed to the topic of the day. You proposed the topic, and I don’t have a lot of information about this. So I’m excited to see where this goes. Getting a life altering diagnosis and the dissolution of your 18 year marriage and you describe these things as happening simultaneously. That’s a lot. Is that what you want to talk about today?
Risa August [00:03:21]:
Yes. Let’s dive in.
Amy Stone [00:03:22]:
All right, very good. So I. Those are. Now I know everything about this that I know. And so my first question is to try and get a little more details. Do you mind sharing a little more? Let’s start with the diagnosis. Like what, what was going on with your health?
Risa August [00:03:38]:
Yeah. So I’d have to say about seven years prior to my diagnosis, I started noticing changes in my body that I couldn’t explain. And I was an athlete. I was an ironman athlete. Very rigid in my lifestyle, my health, my fitness. And it seemed like no matter what I did, I would gain weight or I’d be extremely tired all the time. I had unexplained hair growth and bone spurs popping up under my skin around my body. Just very bizarre, unusual things were happening. And I kept going to my doctor saying, hey, I notice these things are happening and you know, think, thanks. Thank God for Google. I researched it and I’m pretty sure it’s my thyroid. And I kept going back to thyroid, but my blood work would come back normal. And my doctor kept telling me, I’m not worried. You’re healthy, you’re an athlete, you’re fine, your blood works fine, everything’s normal. And this happened, this was like a seven year stretch. So I continued on, you know, racing. I got really into CrossFit, but I continued growing and finally seven years later, I had these severe, severe headaches that I didn’t matter what I did, I, I couldn’t get rid of. I would sleep maybe two hours a night if I could. And again went back to my doctor and I said, you know, I think something’s wrong. Can we get a brain mri? I have these headaches I can’t get rid of. I’m not sleeping. And she said no. She said, you’re probably over training or not drinking enough water. I’m not worried. And I said, no. I said, you know what, I hope it comes back clean and clear. I. But for peace of mind, I want an mri. And she said no again.
Amy Stone [00:05:55]:
Wow.
Risa August [00:05:56]:
Yes. And she said, no, I don’t think you need one. And you should look at your training regimen and your diet. And she said, besides, they’re expensive.
Amy Stone [00:06:10]:
Okay, so seven years you’ve been dealing with this. Wow. Okay. And so then at seven years, did you get somebody Tap into it and tell you what they thought it was.
Risa August [00:06:20]:
Yeah. So after that third time I said, order me the mri, I stopped asking and I was like, do it. And. And she. She did. She turned around. I’ll never forget. She turned around facing her desk and started typing. And she was shaking her head and she’s like, okay, I don’t think you need one. And then not two weeks later, I had a one sentence email from her saying, you have an enlarged pituitary. Go see an endocrinologist. And that was the start of that journey for me. And I had no idea what that meant. I didn’t know what really an endocrinologist did, but it turned out I had a massive tumor at the base of my brain, engulfing my pituitary gland and causing a rare disease called acromegaly, which essentially destroys the body over time.
Amy Stone [00:07:12]:
Wow. Okay. That is definitely a life altering diagnosis. I agree with that synopsis. Wow. That is quite the story. So before we dig in, I have couple. I am also an Ironman triathlete, so we have that in common. How many Ironman triathlons did you do?
Risa August [00:07:33]:
Two. I was on. On my way to my third one.
Amy Stone [00:07:36]:
And then you got this diagnosed.
Risa August [00:07:37]:
Yeah.
Amy Stone [00:07:38]:
Which races did you do?
Risa August [00:07:40]:
I did Tempe and Boulder.
Amy Stone [00:07:42]:
I did Boulder in 26. 20. 2016.
Risa August [00:07:45]:
Oh, my gosh.
Amy Stone [00:07:46]:
Okay.
Risa August [00:07:47]:
I did it in 2017. Yeah.
Amy Stone [00:07:48]:
There you go. That’s. That’s a beautiful. Yeah, it was. I come from the flatlands and. And it’s not. So that was a tough bike course for me because of the altitude and the dryness. It was not possible for me to figure out how to get enough fluid into my body, but I did. I did get through it. So congratulations to that. Okay, so now onto. Because it’s impossible for two Iron man triathletes to be in the. And not have that conversation. So excuse us, all, the audience who doesn’t care, but we have to have it. We have to do that. It’s a rule. You may not know it’s a rule, but it’s actually a rule. So you get this diagnosis, which must have been really, really jarring, because at least it sounds jarring. How are you doing that? Can I ask, how are you doing now? Like, were you. Was there a treatment course that you were able to, like, treat it and are you healthy now or what happens with this?
Risa August [00:08:38]:
Well, there wasn’t a lot of answers out there, but they couldn’t. So I had brain surgery. They couldn’t get the entire tumor, and I Went on to have radiation treatment, which is supposed to work over time. It appears to not be. It’s working for all the things it shouldn’t be working for. We know how toxic radiation can be. Unfortunately, it’s having its own impact, and it’s not helping for what it’s supposed to be helping, which is shrinking the remaining tumor that’s left. So I am still fighting the good fight. Yeah.
Amy Stone [00:09:11]:
All right. So I will throw in positive vibes as you continue to go through that. How long ago was this that you got the diagnosis?
Risa August [00:09:21]:
I was diagnosed at the end of 2018. And treatment, like surgery, started January 2019, and then followed by treatment.
Amy Stone [00:09:29]:
So you’ve been going through this quite a bit. It’s been quite the journey, yes.
Risa August [00:09:33]:
Yes.
Amy Stone [00:09:34]:
So now let’s talk about your. So you were married. You were married quite a long time. 18 years. That’s not a short marriage. Longer than normal. Average length of a marriage in the United States these days is 12 years. So long, long marriage. But. So your marriage, was it already in the process of breaking apart before you got the diagnosis or how did that. So I don’t know anything about you, but I. Trying to figure out the timeline here.
Risa August [00:10:00]:
So I would say for me, the marriage started. I started dissolving the year before my diagnosis. I started reflecting on the marriage and, like, things I didn’t care about in the past. I started like, wait a minute, wait, wait, hold on here. And I started really thinking about what I wanted in life. And then the diagnosis kind of propelled me, you know, like, in even further into that reflection and, okay, the time is now. What do you want? It was always what everyone else wanted kind of thing. You know, that pattern we get stuck in of taking care of everyone else and putting everyone else first. And I think I was like, wait a minute, whose life am I living?
Amy Stone [00:10:52]:
So I’ve had the opportunity to talk to a couple people who’ve had really jarring experiences that throw this into just extreme focus. Right. We go through. I’m not an expert. This is not something that I am qualified to really speak on. But it’s like we’re going through life assuming that we have all the time in the world to do all of the things. There’s always going to be more time. There’ll be time to figure out the relationship, There’ll be time to do more races, so on and so forth. And so this experience that you’re describing of having the information come forward, forward, that throws that really into question. We don’t know how much time there is right, or we suddenly feel like there may not be any more time that the following. That with introspection and it’s going to be now, like, I need to focus on myself now is a similar. Is a thread that follows through several of these conversations. It’s a motivation to do the things right now. So I think that that is. That is something that I’ve heard from other people, and I think that’s. I think that’s common. And the introspection. So you’re. When your marriage dissolved at the same time as this diagnosis. I’m curious how that. How you would describe it now, how that felt like. Was it. Was it more stress to the situation? Was it more pressure? Or was it like, okay, let’s get this out of the way so that I can focus on this other thing?
Risa August [00:12:15]:
Yeah, that’s a. That’s a great question. I think it was a little of both. There were moments where I felt like for the first time in my life, I needed someone to hold me and carry me and. And I didn’t have that, and I wanted that so badly. And. And then there was this. There was also this feeling of. Because I don’t get that or receive that from this person, like, I just rather you not be around. It’s almost like it just stresses me out more or is a reminder of, like, what I. I’m craving and missing in my life. And so, you know, my husband at the time, he. He was great at taking care of the necessities, what needed to happen. But suddenly I’m thrown into this really big emotional. You know, I went through my life priding myself how I can compartmentalize my emotions, you know, and now all of a sudden, like, wait a minute, I, you know, I started doing all this personal work on myself, and emotions started emerging for what feels like the first time, I actually started acknowledging them. And I wanted. I wanted someone to hold that space for me to be able to express those. And I didn’t have that in my marriage. So it was like, on one hand, thank you for taking care of the shopping list and the chores and. But who. Like, where I need someone to hold me when I’m crying or exhausted or in a negative space. And so it’s just like this little of both of like, I’d rather not have you around and thank you for doing what you can do, what you have the capacity to do.
Amy Stone [00:14:15]:
So what I think I hear you saying is that you had not needed this person in your life to really be an emotional support system during most of Your marriage. So that was not something that was a part of a huge part of your relationship. And then you would have liked to have had that while you were going through this very, very tough treatment and emotional path, but you were holding both of those things like you wish you had had it, but you also did not think that it would have been there even if you. The relationship was still intact.
Risa August [00:14:47]:
Yes, yes. And it’s like that quote, is it Albert Einstein who’s like, you can keep doing the same thing and. But what is it? And expecting a different result or something, like, you can’t, you know, doing the same thing, expecting a different result or.
Amy Stone [00:15:03]:
Something to do, do the same thing and expect a result is the definition of insanity or something right then.
Risa August [00:15:10]:
And so I, I think I kept it. Oh, okay. Well, he’ll just see how, you know, I’m not my usual peppy, like, energetic cell. And it, it just wasn’t that way. I had to, you know, I had to stop expecting a different result from the same situation. And. Yeah, so.
Amy Stone [00:15:31]:
So that does sound to me, as an outsider, as someone who’s just meeting you for the first time today, like a lot to go through all at the same time. You shared on your intake form that this is what gave you the opportunity to reflect on your life. And so then the, the. I’m curious about the time frame. Was that something that started happening right away or was it something that sort of seeped into your. To your life that you began to be very reflective and look at the things that were going on?
Risa August [00:15:59]:
Yeah, well, started happening rather quickly. I was someone who always thought I didn’t need anybody else, you know, and all of a sudden I’m like, wait a minute, I would like some support. Like I said, I started finding my voice, like, with that doctor. I started like, having the courage to put my needs and wants out there. And, and so, you know, the old Rissa just like right after surgery and treatment was like, well, I’m just going to get back to my life. I don’t have time for this. And I have racing to do. And, you know, I think I scheduled a 250 mile bike ride after my surgery. I thought I’d be up on my bike in no time. And my surgeon looked at me like I had two heads. And, you know, and all of a sudden I couldn’t. I could barely get off the couch. And. And that’s when it sunk in. I like, and, And I. It’s like a moment I was conf. Horrible tattered gray sweatpants where they Were all worn out at the hem. And I was on this couch day after day. I could barely function. And that was the. That was the turning point for me. That’s like, that’s when I was like, no, I can’t live this way.
Amy Stone [00:17:26]:
So that’s really interesting. All right, so there’s a singular moment where you remember being on the couch specific to the gray sweatpants that you hold in your mind that this was the moment that you’re like, this. This is not. This cannot go forward. I do. So were you. Let’s talk about the. And you can tell me to buzz off if this is too personal. So you went. Your marriage. Were you divorced before the, before the surgery, or was your husband still living with you and you were still together while you were going through the immediate recovery?
Risa August [00:17:57]:
Yes, we were. We were still together, but it was almost like that was on hold and that. And I was focusing on this, but I had like, other caretakers, so he might leave town for a couple weeks for work or for a job, and I would have other people come in and, you know, help me, you know, cook meals or.
Amy Stone [00:18:19]:
Yeah, no, let’s talk about that level of support. So, but you. You guys had made the decision. You knew the relationship was stepping down. Um, but let’s talk about the support that you had. Like, what kind of support was there for you? We’ve talked a little bit about the support from your husband, but what other support was around during the diagnosis, the immediate treatment, the recovery, the long term treatment? What kind of, what kind of support have you had?
Risa August [00:18:43]:
Yes, I, Yeah, I think I started realizing that people actually do care about me. And so friends did start stepping up. And I had one friend who stayed with me two weeks after I got out of the hospital. And, you know, I had. They went, I’m going to get a little gross here for a moment, if that’s okay. Yeah, they went in through my nose for the surgery. And so I had constant blood drainage and I would wake up and it would just be caked all over my face. And. And she would like, heat up water and with a Q tip because I couldn’t have any trauma to that area. So she had to, like, painstakingly, with a Q tip every morning, clean this caked dried blood off my face. Every morning she water to do that and. And just took care of meals and, you know, made sure my dogs could be with me on my bed. And it was so comforting to just have that, which felt like. Was the first time in my life I ever. I ever really had that.
Amy Stone [00:19:58]:
So is it hard? Did it feel. I mean, you didn’t have a choice because you were unable to do these things on yourself. But do you remember if it was intellectually, like, academically? Did you have a little bit of emotional struggle with allowing this level of support into your life?
Risa August [00:20:15]:
Very much, absolutely. You know, I’m usually the one that takes care of other people. And I think I didn’t. Probably didn’t ask enough for help, because in my brain, where I tend to live, too, more than I like to admit, is, well, everyone’s busy with their lives. Nobody has time to come take care of me or do this. And then I would invite people over. You know, they’d be like, can I help? Can I bring dinner or something? And I. I’d say, sure, come over. But then I’d cook them dinner. Like, I couldn’t. I’ve really struggled with relinquishing my desire to control and to receive.
Amy Stone [00:20:59]:
To receive support and assistance. And it’s not. It’s not always easy. It’s not always easy. I have a very clear memory of my dad when I was a kid, just being very direct with me when I. He. Somebody gave me a compliment. It might have been him. I don’t even remember. But the thing part about I remember is I was waffling and pushing back and not accepting it. My dad just looked at me, me. He said, accept it and say thank you. You know, And I was like, oh, that’s it. That’s what we do. And I will remind myself of the. Of that when people will offer to do things, accept it and say thank you. Thank you very much. I received this from you. Yeah, it’s hard. I think it can be very, very hard. So how long would you say. So you begin this process of reflection. You are going through a period of your life where you are being forced to really come to terms with accepting kind of a lot of support from the people around you, and you’re very lucky to have it. Which. How long would you say you were in this reflective period?
Risa August [00:21:58]:
Oh, gosh, I feel like I’m still in it. I feel like it never ends.
Amy Stone [00:22:04]:
Okay.
Risa August [00:22:07]:
You know, just when you get to one point, then. Then the next thing comes. It’s like the next wave or the next thing. And.
Amy Stone [00:22:17]:
Yeah, that’s the. Yeah, if you’re still in it. Like it was the beginning of something that hasn’t ended yet. I think that’s. I think that makes sense. So how would you define or describe how these two simultaneous changes in your life, which Really? I don’t know if you’ve ever seen it. Sometimes people break apart, like the main categories of life into six or eight or ten different categories. And you’ve got like, health and profession and relationships and recreation, but this really like health and your relationship, those are two of the big ones. Two giant changes in those two portions of your life. That’s a pretty. I think that sounds like a lot going on. What, what would you say are some of the ways your life has changed as a result of those two big transitions?
Risa August [00:23:05]:
Yes. My gosh, where do I begin?
Amy Stone [00:23:09]:
Pick one.
Risa August [00:23:11]:
I mean, they were really. I have to say, this idea of leaving my husband was actually harder and heavier for me than this brain tumor I had. And, you know, I. I just couldn’t fathom my life without the plan I had, you know, created for it. And. But now I see it all as a gift. And, and so I, I mean, this really propelled me on to do all the things I’ve been putting on hold or on the back burner. You know, I pulled out my dusty bucket list and I was like, the times now. So I started. Started doing all the things now. And, and the first thing I actually signed up for on that day in those tattered gray Sweatpants was an 1800 mile bike journey from Canada to Mexico.
Amy Stone [00:24:10]:
Oh, nice.
Risa August [00:24:11]:
All right.
Amy Stone [00:24:11]:
Along the west coast.
Risa August [00:24:13]:
Yes.
Amy Stone [00:24:14]:
Yeah, yeah. So that’s. That’s amazing. Okay. I have a very old friend who. The race she got into, Ironman, was. She. It didn’t even happen to her, but she saw something very dramatic happen in front of her. She did not know how to swim at the time. And she legitimately, that shift, just that one little piece that she had seen something happen. She went home and registered for a race and signed up for Learn to swim swim lessons. And so the idea that this shift would cause you to, like, pull things out and get out the checklist and start checking them off, I think says a lot about you as a person who likes to get things done. Did you actually have a bucket list? I’m super curious about this. Like, do you have. Did you have somewhere in your, like, journal of your life, did you have a list of things that you dreamed of doing or did you have to make one?
Risa August [00:25:06]:
I did have a list. Some of it was mental, but I did have a list in my journal. And, you know, and, and I, I really want to add this part. A lot of other people started to put constraints on me that I started to believe.
Amy Stone [00:25:27]:
Okay.
Risa August [00:25:28]:
After, you know. Yeah, after, you know, you, you know, we’re we’re always putting roles, we’re always putting these different roles. And you know, like, you were always this person and now you’re this person. And so you shouldn’t do this and you shouldn’t do that. And, and that was really helpful to propel me toward. Well, wait a minute. I, I get to make that decision. I get to choose forward and, and I choose life. You know, I don’t mean to sound over dramatic, but I, I choose to live. And that’s why I pulled out my bucket list and started checking things out and I, and it’s, it’s never ending bucket list because I keep adding to it all, doing things I never even thought I would be doing. So it’s great.
Amy Stone [00:26:19]:
And so what the first thing you decided to do was an 1800 mile bike trip? Was this a solo packing trip? Like was it just you and a tent going down from Canada or Mexico or were you part of a tour or a group or how did you put that together?
Risa August [00:26:34]:
Yeah, I did what was called a semi supported tour. So there was a van that hauled about mine and nine other people’s gear.
Amy Stone [00:26:43]:
That’s the way to do it.
Risa August [00:26:44]:
Yeah.
Amy Stone [00:26:45]:
So much more pleasurable than carrying all your gear.
Risa August [00:26:49]:
Yeah. I had a lot of medications to think about and, and my body wasn’t operating the way it used to, so I didn’t. This was my first thing post treatment and diagnosis. I had no idea how my body was going to respond.
Amy Stone [00:27:09]:
Yeah.
Risa August [00:27:10]:
And so I felt more comfortable signing up with a tour. But, but that turned out to have its own challenges and, but I, it was so, it was so gratifying. I, I did go on to Spain to do a, I did a solo tour across northern Spain and, and now I’m like, oh my gosh, I’m gonna do it with a group from here on out. Because I just, I just realized the, you know, with connection being one of my top values, like how, how important. Just having that connection and all the opportunities to have this experience with other people was way more fun and profound.
Amy Stone [00:27:55]:
It’s. That’s amazing. That’s a terrific thing. I love that you had an actual bucket list. I, I had a list. I don’t, I don’t know where it is now. But I mean, I, at some point when I was in college, they had us make a list that I like sat down and like made a list and then it came up like I found it in like a box when I was in my 20s. I was like, look at this, you know, and, but I Find that not everybody has that. Many years ago, I don’t know how many years ago, there was a movie actually named Bucket List with Morgan Freeman and somebody else, Jack Nicholson maybe. And they went through. And they were working through their bucket list. And the only reason I bring that up is that when it came out, I remember talking to people and you could very easily tell that there were two categories of people. People who loved this concept of having a liston working through it, and other people who were quite on the other spectrum who almost felt like that was not fun for them and their brain just didn’t work that way. And so that’s the reason I thought of asking you for that. So that is really exciting. And so you have an ongoing list choosing to live, moving on through your life, working through the health diagnosis and continuing treatment. And we’re all with you, hoping that that works out really, really well. You can really tell that your perseverance must be. Perseverance and grit. You’ve definitely got that in spades.
Risa August [00:29:23]:
Yeah. You know, I. Again, conscious decision to live. And. And that means all of it. I don’t expect every day to be rainbows and unicorns.
Amy Stone [00:29:37]:
It would get boring, probably. I mean, I’d be willing to try it.
Risa August [00:29:42]:
Yeah. And there’s things I. I can’t. I’ll no longer. I’ll no longer be able to do another Iron man race. Physically, I can’t. But, you know, for example, I, like, I stopped. I’ve gotten rid of all of those constraints. Right. And those limiting beliefs. And so, for example, I always wanted to do the Camino de Santiago in Spain, but I knew physically I couldn’t hike far like that anymore. I couldn’t. My body has changed so much, but I was like, wait a minute, I can still bike.
Amy Stone [00:30:15]:
Yeah.
Risa August [00:30:16]:
So I went on to. To bike the Camino last year, and it challenged me on every level. And. And a lot of people are like, well, how was your trip? And I was like, it’s the hardest thing I ever did. And. And honestly challenged me in every way, and it kind of sucked. And they’re like, oh, do you regret. Regret going? And I’m like, no way. I said when I want. When I. When I chose to live that day on the couch, like, that meant everything. That meant all of it.
Amy Stone [00:30:47]:
How often does the mental memory of the tattered sweatpants and sitting on the couch, now that. That’s a little bit in the past. How often do you still refer to that as like a. An anchor moment? Like, how often do you think of it? As a motivation to keep going and keep doing different things.
Risa August [00:31:05]:
Oh, that’s a great question. And I feel myself a little emotional over it. I still use it today because.
Amy Stone [00:31:17]:
You.
Risa August [00:31:17]:
Know, I created a mantra in those sweatpants. And, you know, I was so focused on what I can’t do. I was so focused on who I no longer was, what wasn’t going to be possible anymore. And I started asking myself, what can I do? And I. And I created a mantra using the word can. Capable, able now. What am I capable, Able to do now in this moment? And that was my sweatpants moment when I started asking myself, what can I do? And. And let me tell you, some mornings are like, well, I can get up and brush my teeth, and then some mornings I’m actually out for like a walk or a bike ride or having dinner with friends, and. And it’s the best day ever. So. So it’s still a driving force in my life.
Amy Stone [00:32:06]:
Still a driving force. And then it sounds to me, and I’ll just recap it to make sure. And I could get it wrong, but that part of this is when all you can do on that day is brush your teeth to really own it. That this is what I can do today. And so this is living right now.
Risa August [00:32:24]:
Yeah.
Amy Stone [00:32:25]:
Yeah. That’s amazing. That’s amazing. Oh, my goodness. Okay, so in a minute, we’re going to do the final questions. This is the most abrupt segue of the day, but I do want to give you a chance to talk to people about what you do and how people can find you online.
Risa August [00:32:44]:
Yes. Well, you can find all things RISA at my website, risaaugust.com and that’s Risa with one S R I S A August, just like the month. And I am a coach that helps guide people through navigating their own limiting beliefs. An author, a speaker. I have a. I’m such a passion for speaking, and I travel the country doing that. And I also have some fun little side gigs. I sparkle hair. And I think I can see that.
Amy Stone [00:33:20]:
Not everybody would see, but I think I can see the floss, the sparkly floss in your hair. Very nice. Okay. Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you. Go on, go on.
Risa August [00:33:27]:
Okay. It’s simply. I do it because it brings so much joy and. And including to myself. I just love it. And. And Women’s World magazine actually did an article about me on my hair sparkles. So you can. Yeah, you can listen to my interviews. Speaking all things risa@risaaugust.com Fantastic.
Amy Stone [00:33:51]:
So that link will be in the show notes and also for anybody subscribes@imperfectadulting.com we send it out, and then you can just click on it. That’s the easiest way to always be informed on the amazing guests and anything they have to offer. So I highly recommend it, but that’s me. All right, now it’s time. Risa, are you ready? We’re going to do the last three questions. These are rapid fire. They’re not meant to stress you out. They’re just meant to be fun. Say whatever comes to mind when I ask the questions. Okay. All right. So do you use your phone to take photos? And if so, what do you think is the last thing that you took pictures of?
Risa August [00:34:26]:
Oh, yes, I do use my. My phone to take photos. And the last thing I took a picture of was probably I was just in Nashville doing a talk, and it was the Johnny Cash Museum.
Amy Stone [00:34:43]:
Okay.
Risa August [00:34:44]:
I think it was one of his actually original gold records.
Amy Stone [00:34:48]:
Very cool. Yeah, very cool. Do you spend a lot of time in Nashville? Have you been there before?
Risa August [00:34:53]:
I. It was the second time I’ve been there, and so I haven’t spent a lot of time there.
Amy Stone [00:34:58]:
No, I was there, and I did. I was there, and I was by myself, but I was with a group, and so we did one of the hop on, hop off buses, which was kind of fun. Which was kind of fun. I’d never done that before, so that was fun. Except it was insanely hot. Insanely hot. So we were sweating it out, but it was very. It was a good way to see all the fun things and the goofy announcers. Fun, fun, fun. All right, what is your favorite type of weather?
Risa August [00:35:25]:
Oh, I’d have to say mild. Like, not too hot, not too cold, sunny, with maybe a few marshmallow clouds speckling the sky, and then a slight warm breeze.
Amy Stone [00:35:40]:
For some reason in this conversation, I keep coming up with movie references. I don’t know what that is. Did you ever see Miss Congeniality where it’s the beauty contest and they ask, and what’s your favorite? Your first what’s your favorite date? And they mean like a romantic date, but she says something like, April 15th because it’s not too hot, but you can wear a sweater. So when you gave me that. That. That response, that is the scene that came to my mind. I don’t know why I have so many movie. Movie references in this interview, but I’m going with it. All right, now, final. Do you prefer sweet or salty snacks? And do you want to share Your favorite snack with us.
Risa August [00:36:17]:
Oh, my gosh. Well, I actually lost my taste and smell through my surgery, but I can. I can taste salt, and I can taste when something’s sweet, but when I donuts, like, I’d never eat them, but if I’m gonna indulge and just get a little crazy, I’m gonna get me a donut.
Amy Stone [00:36:40]:
One of the, like. Like. Like a plain, like, glazed donuts or one of the fancy donuts.
Risa August [00:36:45]:
Probably like the Long John. Oh, the cream inside?
Amy Stone [00:36:50]:
Yeah, the cream inside. When they get the cream. Right. When it’s a donut that’s stuffed with the cream inside and it’s the right sort of, like, texture and freshness and the difference in the temperature. That’s a lot of fun. I will.
Risa August [00:37:00]:
It’s got to be the right ratio to. Yes, agreed. Very much.
Amy Stone [00:37:03]:
Yeah. And people probably have different preferences about this, but I was thinking about this the other day because I was watching something where there was a picture of somebody biting into, like, a Boston cream donut. And I was thinking, you know, that’s hit or miss. You know, it can be delightful. You know, sometimes just like, oh, that wasn’t what I was expecting, you know, so there you go. That’s it. Risa, thank you so much for being a wonderful guest today on the Art of Imperfect Adulting.
Risa August [00:37:26]:
Thank you, Amy. What a pleasure. Appreciate you.
Amy Stone [00:37:29]:
Same.